A glass case of emotion...

[HereComesTheSun]

My story began with over a year of debilitating sadness. I grieved the loss of the person that I used to be. I cried a lot, I let myself go. I had to come to terms with the loss of the person I use to be. Eventually I mustered up the courage to go on a date and yes, I found love again. We met on PS. I started to wake up, to feel beautiful again. He loved me unconditionally through every flaw and everything that made me the person that I am - including this. He helped me come back to life and I will forever be grateful for that.

 

Things have not worked out between us. Unfortunately it is not the type of breakup where we can remain friends. So again, I'm feeling scared and alone. I know I'm not... I have a wonderful support network of friends and family but lately I've just been feeling the deep sadness that comes with a future of uncertainty. Mostly I'm just scared.

 

It's been 3 years and I have picked myself up in many ways. I've started running and eating healthy again, and am back in school working towards my professional masters degree. I'm certainly more compassionate, present, and open minded than ever before. I'm sure I've found my calling, and I know that having gone through this will make me a better health care professional.

 

...but I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't find the courage to date, to disclose, to be vulnerable and risk everything for love. I've watched the videos and read the books on vulnerability. I've been touched by stories of individuals who have gone through intense suffering and identity loss and have come out awakened, enlightened. I just hope that I am able to access that strength within myself when the time comes, that things work out in such a way that brings meaning to all of this. That I find someone, again, who isn't scared.

 

I do have hope. But some days (and today is one of those days) the doubt just creeps in and takes over...

 

 

Thank you for reading my post, and for sharing your stories. The authenticity here continues to amaze and inspire me. ❤

 

 

 

[Ladyangxo]

You are not alone.. Going through that right now after disclosing and being rejected.. :-( but we will get back up again and there's always someone for everyone we just have to be patient and not lose hope! Hugs

[2Legit2Quit]

I think experiencing heart break will always create those fears and insecurities again. Give it time to heal and pick up where you left off fromfrom, being the best you that you can be. I understand how you feel. I haven't opened myself to love in 5yrs, almost 6 now. You don't want to be like me, so heal from this breakup and then recognize that it's a shitty world when you convict yourself to not trusting or letting other's in, w a deeply scorned heart. Life is too short to stay in that place.

[Bambina3]

Although my reason was not h at the time...I was very much alone raising my children for many years...when they were very young...I was so scorned and emotionally burnt, I wanted nothing to do with a relationship....take me out, be my companion, then take me home and go away...I wanted nothing to do with relationships...

So yes, I understand how you feel, although our reasons are different.

Eventually times does heal, I know this.

Love will come to you again.