Broken hearted

[Feelingblue]

So I wanted to provide a little update. I heard from the guy, in fact he came to see me. In fact he acted entirely normal and my disclosure wasn't mentioned at all. So I thought maybe he was ok with it. But since then, he hasn't replied to my messages in fact I haven't heard from him at all. I'm hurt. I want closure. I want to message him saying sorry it didn't work out and good luck, just to finish it.

[2Legit2Quit]

O know that's what you want to do, but it's out if insecurity and hoping you'll get a response. If you're gonna do it, you need to be the one taking charge and not showing him like you're waiting. If you're going to message him, you need to make the decision to end it w him because you deserve better, not just in hopes that he'll respond w action, but rather you don't care what the end result is. Just state that you respect his decision and some it may be a deal breaker for and I don't take that personally. W that said, it was great meeting you and I wish you all the luck.

 

Don't send him more msgs after that and trying to convince him to be w you.

[Feelingblue]

I'm a bit concerned to message him at all, because it will be ending it. But the waiting it out is killing me. The fact he never mentioned it at all when we met up, people are telling me he's obviously fine and to leave it at that and carry on. But I'm scared he doesn't fully understand or is being off :(

[2Legit2Quit]

Well see? You just wanted to msg him to get a response, not to really end it. Just explain you are not comfortable waiting around in limbo and you understand he needed time to process this, but you have to keep your own sanity in check and that you need to understand where he stands. Explain that you Understand this may be a deal breaker, isn't about you and you won't take it personally.

[Feelingblue]

Yeah, but my friends are saying because he didn't mention it and acted entirely normal when he saw me that he has obviously thought about it and it isn't an issue. I don't know if it's my head wanting to tell him again you do realise there's a risk right? I'm not sure I can accept he's ok with it, if he is. It might all just be in my head. It's frustrating.

[2Legit2Quit]

Bit you're saying that he's being distant again, that's not the same as him just not bringing it up last time you saw him.

[2Legit2Quit]

I think that you're afraid of his answer and is why you're going back and forth on the issue. Being in limbo and not knowing where his head is at and lack of contact feels more comfortable for you, than possibly getting a definitive answer, if it's a deal breaker or not. People usually talk about these things further after they've thought about it, if they didn't say it was a deal breaker and moved on. You're going to have to talk about it again, so you can't avoid the inevitable... Or you coukd just stay in limbo and wait on me. Up to you.

[Feelingblue]

I am assuming he's being distant by messages ect. But then he could just be busy or the initial excitement has died down. I did tell him, and last time I saw him he was still pushing to be physical and he'd had more than a week to think about it. So maybe it is in my head. It's done funny things to me. You're really helping me. I appreciate it. I guess I will have to bring it up again at some point. But maybe I should just let it play out a while.

[Feelingblue]

After all, I have told him, I told him the risk. So if he chooses to act like its nothing and Continues on without wanting to discuss it further what can I do? I did the bravest hardest thing. I would feel insainly guilty, but I know I've told him.

[2Legit2Quit]

You don't have to talk about it further, but your recent concern was after seeing him finally and him not saying anything about it, that he went distant again. That's what you worried about Right?

[2Legit2Quit]

Let it play put and try not to fret over I. How long has it been since you last saw him and how frequently does he msg you on his own?

[WCSDancer2010]

Here's my 2.5 cents worth:

 

I've learned one huge thing in my 54 years: You teach people how to treat you. So right now you are teaching him that it's ok to blow hot and cold. If he was THAT into you, you wouldn't be able to keep him away. Sure, he might have crawled into his cave for a day or two, but he would have been back with bells on as soon as he got over the initial freak out.

 

At this point, from what you have said, I'm guessing he's likely "into you" but not enough to make a lot of effort. I recently dated a guy who played hot and cold. He had a big project so I gave him a lot of space, but noted that he hardly contacted me during that time. When he finished the project, he said he wanted to get together and made it clear he was looking forward to having sex (we had just gone exclusive before this 6 week project). I said I needed to talk first. He takes me to dinner, we go back to his place and I ask him what's going on, and he says he realized about 3 weeks previous that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Uh - REALLY? So why didn't I get the memo? We talked a bit longer and I left. He didn't even offer to help me with my bag to the car. Never heard from him since. If I didn't ask him what was going on, he would have happily had sex with me till I figure it out. So I suggest that you ask to talk, and just ask him about where he is at. It's been long enough and you DESERVE better treatment than this at this point. If you let him act like this now, and it goes anywhere, this is how he will act in future. Sure, he may walk if he feels "pressured" but IMO that's just an easy way to say "I'm really just not that into you".....

 

(((HUGS))) friend. You got this.

[Feelingblue]

Hello, thank you all. The problem I'm having is I don't know if he's being off or if it's in my head because I'm so worried. I have had to message him first the last couple of weeks to get a reply. And he seems to take a long time to reply. But he does always reply and generally the messages are quite sweet. But maybe you are right, he might just not be that into me because I am messaging first. I think I'm just going to leave him to it. So he can reach out to me if he wants to. Maybe I'm not ready to date again yet X

[WCSDancer2010]

I'd say that's a good approach... if you always have to message first, it's not a good sign... take it from someone who has been there, done that, and finally decided she has too many of those T-shirts. And don't let it stop you from dating..... there are soooo many things that could have caused you to end up here... early dating is just plain HARD ... there are sooo many potential "deal breakers"... Herpes is just one of tons of reasons that someone might suddenly put the brakes on... :)

 

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

 

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/4010/I-Have-a-Secret-How-to-Reveal-It-To-Your-Date/

 

[2Legit2Quit]

@feelingblue this article is great and you really need it. Don't wait around on anyone who doesn't seem all about you.

 

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes