After loving and accepting myself, I found the one I love. Post-Herpes.

[rfdnyc]

Hi, I'm a 23 year old female living in NYC (go figure, 1 in 4 of us have it here!) and I've had HSV2 since I was 19.

 

At the beginning, I felt shame. I felt denial. I denied for a long, long time that I had it. The thoughts in my head were, "well if I didn't get tested, I wouldn't have known. If I wasn't so responsible, I wouldn't know."

My first outbreak was very mild, and I chose to ignore it for a while.

 

I admit, I didn't disclose. And I had always hid this deep, dark secret, I was choosing to ignore. After speaking with a therapist, I know now how normal this is. And not to feel guilty about the old me, as long as I was moving forward.

I mention this because I know there may be a lot of you considering this route. Don't.

If you have, it is okay. You are a human being and that reaction is completely normal

I say don't deny it because you will be missing out on a fulfilling, loving, caring relationship with yourself, and potentially, another very special person.

 

This past April, I decided to make a change. Turn a new leaf and love myself. This started with me calling my main "partners" over the years and explaining this to them. Imagine how incredibly terrifying that was. Considering some of them remained my good friends, even today. With the exception of one, the response was incredibly understanding and accepting. I was shocked.

I had one or two sexual experiences/new disclosure talks after my new change. Both that went very well. Both that didn't end in denial, but respect of me being so honest. I can't believe I didn't live this way sooner.

 

Than my now boyfriend of 7 months, came along. I am not someone who jumps around from relationship to relationship. Hell, this is the longest, most emotionally serious relationship I've been in. And of course, it came AFTER I started believing in and loving, me.

 

The second date (which may seem too soon for some, but this also goes to show if it's the right person, it GENUINELY doesn't matter) after a wonderful night, he came over.

 

I have a backyard with a hammock, and we lay there, enjoying each other's company.

I disclosed. I was confident, matter of fact, and made light of it. I could tell my confidence rubbed off on him, and although he had never had a woman disclose this to him, he trusted me. We had awesome sex that night. I came to find out months later he told me now how much he valued, respected, and really appreciated me in that moment.

 

That's not say he didn't have to adjust. He did. We had to wait on some things until he got comfortable. Until he did his research. I patiently waited on a few things, he emotionally was so there for me, and now it's something we barely think about.

 

7 months later, we have an incredible, fulfilling sex life. I had never had an outbreak while being with him, but recently this weekend I felt one popping up.

I was SO scared to bring this up. I was planning on blaming a UTI, yeast infection, etc. But then I said, No. That's not going to happen.

 

After being honest, light-hearted, and matter of fact, he was completely fine. And I'm sure trusts me even more that I have his best interest and health at the front of my mind. We had an amazing, intimate, loving weekend. It's almost as if it's made us feel closer because he knows how incredibly honest I am, and we can be with each other. I am still so scared I'll pass it to him, but even if that were to happen, I know for a fact we'd be there for each other. And I would never have to carry the guilt of non-disclosure. It would suck, but it wouldn't at all be the end of the world. So I do everything in my power to protect him.

 

For anyone who is considering not disclosing or dreading that this will keep you from love, I promise it won't. The only thing that will cheat you of the relationship that you so DESERVE is you not loving yourself. Love yourself, be good to yourself. I promise you the right one will come along and love you for who you are, not a silly, non-serious stigmatized "virus."

 

I truly believe if I hadn't of made that change, I wouldn't be with this incredible man who loves me for every part of me.

 

Move forward. Hug your old self, and march on.

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Great to hear! Happy for you!

[missksi]

Thank you for sharing your story! I was recently diagnosed and my boyfriend left once we found out so I've been feeling hopeless, like I'll never find love/acceptance, but this gives me hope that its possible as long as I keep working on accepting myself first.

[rfdnyc]

Misski:

I am so sorry to hear it played out like that, but it just wasn't meant to be with him, I know exactly how you feel, trust me. You will find someone who loves you no matter what. He may not have been informed enough, or mature enough to understand that this isn't a huge deal issue at all, and also that you may have had it for a while and not have known it. If he isnt sticking around because of this or at least willing to be there for you until he does his research, it's very possible he didn't care deeply enough for you. And you deserve someone who does! Realize that you are not alone, this is not the end, and good people will come into your life you will look past it, JUST like we all have to look past certain things in our partners because we love and care about them.

 

Be good to yourself right now. <333

[2Legit2Quit]

@missksi how do you guys know your bf didn't give it to you?

[KatsMomUtah]

Very inspiring thank you for sharing

[missksi]

Thanks @rfdnyc! Your message was really sweet and encouraging. Good luck with everything! :-)

 

[missksi]

@2legit2quit Its possible he gave it to me, but at this point I'm not interested in spending my time trying to figure it out. I was willing to consider both possibilities and was accepting of him either way and he wasn't and chose to accuse me so in the end its his loss and my gain because I now know he wasn't the one.

[2Legit2Quit]

Exactly/ good for you! Keep your chin up!