KatsMomUtah

Very inspiring thank you for sharing

So happy for you!

*hugs* Feelingblue... I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. my teenage daughter has GHSV1 (for about a year now) and it has been a struggle for the same reasons. Life changing actually. She has up and down days... But as the weeks/months go on, more ups. How long have you known? Hopefully you will have more up days as well. It's easy to say "find strength in independence!" "Herpes is a wingman!" Etc...but the rejections are hard. Watching my daughter handle hers has been tough. All the advice is true, but who doesn't want to be loved and accepted?.. HOWEVER...while you are waiting for that perfect person that loves you for YOU..you DO need to find the strength in independence, And realize herpes IS a wingman. (My daughter has had all kinds of rejections... From the *polite* "I like you but..." To the ugly "gross, no f$&@?!g way I'm risking that" - and THANKFULLY, it's made her stronger and she doesn't give up hope and has actually laughed at her last rejection - you will get there too!) Remember, even if you DIDNT have herpes, not ALL relationships are going to work for a million reasons. Not every person you meet is going to be the "one". Ok so the perfect guy that recently got away because he didn't want to take the risk is a bummer... But aren't there guys out there YOUVE met that you like enough, but thought there's a little something that makes you think "yeah but I don't want to date them.." Too short too tall too blond brown eyes when you like blue too macho bad sense of humor too quiet too loud.... ? Doesn't mean they are rejects of life, just not your cup of tea.. I hope you can move away from the suicidal thoughts. The world is a HUGE beautiful place, with billions of people walking around... Surely there is another perfect person out there. In the meantime, it doesn't take a lot to look around you and find people with troubles far worse than fighting a stigma. Recently, 3 local teenage girls were killed in a car accident. For the last year I have been crying over my daughters hsv and how "hard" it will be for her to find love. Those three mothers will never see their daughters weddings or experience grandchildren... I bet they would give anything to have their daughters alive - even WITH herpes. Please keep it in perspective.. Yes it's a rotten deal... But not the worst thing that can happen. Not by a long shot. Don't give up on finding that guy -on finding love. Yeah, herpes makes things a little tougher, but won't it be awesome when you meet the person that truly loves YOU? How exciting! And totally worth the wait and totally worth the rejections and hurt you had to face along the way that made you strong and independent. I'll send positive thoughts your way!.. *hugs*

@bambina3, YES,same here. I have had hsv1 for 40 years... But just recently became "educated" on the virus when my daughter tested positive for ghsv1. I had obs (oral) during my (sexually active) "youth"... And very possibly, unknowly, shedded frequently in between outbreaks. So I wonder if any of those old boyfriends have ghsv1 thanks to me?

Woah good question! Hmmmm

very interesting article! But what ALWAYS gets me thinking negative is when I read "HSV 1&2 are highly infectious and incurable". If HSV is "highly infections" then why do we always talk about transmission odds being so LOW? (with condom & anti viral use) and IF odds are low.. then how are so many (millions & millions) people still catching it?!

Love this! Thank you for sharing

Thank you for posting this very positive (and realistic!) outlook. *hugs*

My opinion?... I guess it's whatever you feel comfortable with. I don't know how old you are, but my daughter told a few of her close friends and one of the friends turned out to not be as close as she thought and word got out and spread like wildfire. Not a good thing, unless, you don't care about people knowing. Many people aren't so nice and understanding. (At least at my daughters age) In the future, like when she goes off to college, she plans on telling (trusting) NO ONE... Until she enters into a relationship..then, of course, she will disclose. I am thankful that even at her young age, she understands the importance of telling potential partners of her status... Good luck to you... It's not an easy road, but it will open your eyes as to who is real in your life, and who isn't. *many hugs and well wishes*

Thank you for this!

@anna01 - your advice was perfect. Everything you said i was thinking, yep. Uh-huh. Shes absolutely right. :0) @taytaaaayyy - i have been following this thread and hope you are feeling better. I Will check back to see how your tests turned out.

YES! :)

The stigma sucks - its horrid- but If someone knows about your H and is nervous or uncomfortable around you, thats THEIR problem not yours. my daughter faces this all the time. And its interesting really. As time goes on, we notice the few people who are really bothered by her having H (like it effects them how exactly??) end up making themselves look stupid by whispering behind her back and acting all weird. So let them feel uncomfortable and you sit back and enjoy that pedi! :)

What? Oh my gosh! OF COURSE you can do those things! H doesnt spread that way... Unless im wrong then my daughter is in huge trouble because shes been getting pedicures and spa treatments MONTHLY since testing positive :0) Of course she doesnt walk into the place and announce her status -lol- but even so, she wouldnt need to. No ones in "danger" of catching anything from her. Dont let h stop you from living your life, relax! :)

Noooo... You cant go through life thinking you deserved herpes! And no one is "at fault" for picking the wrong people to love/trust! If thats the case, EVERYONE would be punished in some way, ya know? Because at some point in our lives, we ALL pick the "wrong" partners, its how we learn and grow! Yucky stuff just sometimes happens along the way, thats all. My teenage daughter got herpes from the wrong guy too. Never once did i think "well....thats what you get!!" Chin up... You did nothing wrong. Herpes isnt bad karma. *hugs*

and PS to my original title.. does it get easier? YES. :)

I have been lurking this thread for a LONG time and wanted to comment but didn't know if my daughter comes here or not.. I don't know if she'd be mad that I'm talking about her business but - just wanted to share some thoughts. I lurk this site because my 17 year old daughter, Kat, has GHSV1, and the support and knowledge here has been a Godsend. This thread caught my attention because Kat's ENTIRE SCHOOL "found out" about her little situation, and all hell broke loose. It's a long rambling story, (it's in my original post) and yes, it was hell, but in SOME WAYS - maybe a blessing. (?) as now that "everyone knows", she has been spared having to disclose over and over again, and it has really shown the true colors of her classmates and "friends". The people who love Kat have come to her with questions, and have stuck around. And boy oh boy there have been the mean girls, and the little asshole boys, who have been evil - which Kat has learned how to deal with. Stomped on her spirit some, but she has been bouncing back. And her father and I know she will be "fine" when she goes off into the world and has to handle this on her own. JUST YESTERDAY a mean mean little girl posted something about Kat's herpes on FACEBOOK. Can you imagine?? How can people be so cruel? Anyway- again - it was a learning experience on how to handle people like this in the world, as it wasn't her first time to be "exposed" and it most certainly won't be her last. Each time it happens, i see her become stronger and stronger. And the jokes on them really, because when they do stuff like this, try to put her down, all others see is Kat standing tall, not getting into social media wars, not denying it, not admitting it, just "carrying on", more and more people see that "hum, maybe this isn't a big deal after all and XXXX is a little B**** for even posting stuff like that" Herpes really is an odd little Wingman :) So while it really sucks when it happens - I think being outed public is - well - all right - if you can just muddle through it and keep your head HIGH.

Ok, to "Worried", are we kindred spirits or what?? :) we are really going through the exact same thing it sounds like!! yes, I too feel like I am the one who needs the support group and therapy, as my daughter Kat, seems .. "okay". Maybe your daughter is like mine, she just handles it different than I would. Kat is proving everyday how tough she really is. She doesn't like to talk about it much - I could talk it to death - and i have to take a deep breath and remember that's how SHE wants to handle it. She said, that if she talks about it too much, she makes it (herpes) bigger in her head than it really needs to be, and she doesn't want to give it that glorification, so she just doesn't. I asked her if she's okay, if being "alone" (no boyfriend in sight - not that boyfriends are the end all but - well - you know - we were all 17 once) and she said "not really. I mean, I am not sad and lonely, I keep very busy, but sometimes I get bored and a 'boy' would be a fun change of scenery, but I know he's out there, it's just not my time yet" so who's the mature one here? mom? or daughter? LOL There is SO much more for me to say, but my time here is limited today, work calls. I would love to talk further (like I said, I can talk it to death) but fear others don't want to hear my ramblings.. if you want to direct message me please do!! I am here, lurking and will always be available for a pep talk if need be.

Thanks to all who have responded. It is very comforting to know I am not alone. This site is awesome, bringing people together. Everyday gets better and better! Dancer, you are a wealth of information... thank you thank you thank you.. .I stalk your responses almost daily :o) I can't stay long, and wanted to get back to "worried"'s post above... so see that below. Again - thanks to all

Thank you for this. Going to print it out as it needs to be read over from time to time...very uplifting

My daughter tested positive for GHSV1, which led me to reading and learning all I can about this virus and it's opened my eyes to things I've never known, and has raised a few questions... First off... I am 50. My mother had oral cold sores back in the day... I had oral sores as a kid... as a teenager.. and a few into my early 20's. Stress, sunburns, and be being sick would trigger one. One big one... same place every time. This is back before valtrex and lysine etc, so I just endured. My sister had cold sores too.. same situation.. she is 47 now and hardly has any anymore. My father never had one. I haven't had a cold sore in probably 20 years. Ok so I've learned that the virus "calms down" as the years go by.. and I guess that's whats happened to me (and my mother and sister) So maybe my mother DID pass them onto me? I have no idea but that's what I now assume. Fast forward to now and my beautiful daughter was one of the unlucky ones who got genital hsv 1 from oral sex from her boyfriend who has no symptoms (or they are very very minor) HIS mother had/has oral cold sores too.... hmmmm.... Okay... heres the weird part. Am I crazy?... ... When my kids were little, and if I had an outbreak, obviously I would "stay away" from kissing them etc but only because I didt want them to touch it because it HURT. I actually assumed the cold sores were genetic haha!... now.. after reading and reading and reading... (and learning that it's skin/skin contact NOT genetic) I'm wondering.. maybe.. wouldn't it have been "better" for me to "pass it on" (orally of course!) to my kids so they can have it in their system "EARLY"... so they can get it over with and be outgrowing it when they hit adulthood?? I mean... if Kat had HSV1 oral in her system... (as millions do!) wouldn't she have been "immune" to Zac's oral HSV1 and maybe wouldn't have got it "down there"?... And what about me?... I've been "shedding" all my life and didn't know it!!!! What about the oral sex I had as a teen/young adult?!! Did I spread it!!??? yikes! I"ve been married 30 years and my husband has never had an outbreak so I guess its true about risks being low... Kat was just unlucky I guess... Word got out about Kat's herpes at her highschool.. (yes, Kat is a teenager..) everyone knows and it's been hell. Boys have dropped off the face of the earth.. mean girls are mean... nightmare. She says some of those same girls who are bullies walk around with cold sores on their mouths and no body gives a rats A**... but Kat is an outcast because she has them genitally. Life is just seriously unfair sometimes... However... the months are ticking by and Kat is doing well. she has an amazing group of friends, but the relationship loneliness is tough.. but she is looking forward to the future when she will find that first guy who will accept her for "her"... She stays healthy.. mentally and physically.. and has not had an outbreak since her first. She's a survivor... I'm so proud of her... Anyway... veteran moms? any thoughts?.,.,..

Yes please do check back! I am a lurker who ALWAYS checks back to look for updates. What were her test results?? Did the boy contact her again after disclosure?! I assume when people dont check back that they are living happy fullfilled lives after the initial shock and sadness wears off. :0) I hope the same holds true for you, and that you let us know, proving that life DOES go on :0)

I am the mother of a beautiful 17 year old girl who recently was diagnosed with ghsv-1. My daughter is not a "slut". She is not a wild child. She didnt even have sex with her (comes a good middle class family, nice 17 year old, very committed) boyfriend. We were all educated the hard way that you can get herpes -down there- from viral shedding hsv1 oral sex. Boyfriend admitted to having lip cold sores in the past but not an outbreak when he and my daughter were together. (Sex ed doesnt talk about that little fun fact..) The boyfriend and his parents were very supportive when Kathryn was diagnosed. Kat and Zac continued their relationship while I held my breath because i knew what was ahead. Like most teens, Kathryn and Zac ran their course (in a matter of months) and broke up for reasons not related to her herpes. To make a VERY long story short, word got out at Kat's private high school that she has herpes. (Everyone knows-seriously-everyone) As she ventured into the dating world again and told 3 other boys who were interested in getting to know her, about her issue, word got out. Early on, Kathryn vowed to tell all potential romantic interests. Her first outbreak was horrendous (several sores at once) and She said she NEVER wanted to pass this virus to anyone, and she wanted any new boy to know the risks going in. (So very very proud of this kid...) she knew that disclosing would bring risks of her own (exposure) Kathryn is beautiful. popular. In the top 10 of her class academically. A girl like Kat-with herpes!! - is big news and juicy teen gossip. Now she is an outcast. Ridiculed. Bullied even. Girls snicker and whisper and the same boys who flirted and texted her, dont even look her in the eye at school. Granted - and thankfully - her core best friends think nothing of it and shes still the same old Kat. But i see little changes and i worry about her future. She has accepted her situation (somewhat) but doesn't like to talk about it. She cries sometimes and i tell her thats ok. She keeps her head up, but i see the struggle sometimes, like on Friday and Saturday nights when her girlfriends are with their boyfriends and Kats the odd man out. At parties when kids flirt and pair up as teenagers do, no body talks to her. Kats phone used to buzz constantly, now no one calls or texts. I used to have to call and pester her when she was creeping past curfew, now she comes home early and goes straight to bed. "parties are no fun anymore mom" she says. She spends a lot of time with her father, older brother, niece and I - which I love, but.. THANKFULLY, the 3 rejections she had from the interested boys were "kind". They just stopped texting/talking/flirting when she told them, they went away quietly. But rejection is rejection, especially at 17. I know that someday, somewhere, in Kats future, there will be a knight on a white horse who is mature enough to handle her situation and will love her for her, and she will have a normal happy life. But right now... She is in high school. Its like, the teen world of flirting and giggling, and meeting new people just stopped, and she hopped off and the world is carrying on without her. I dont want to sound dramatic, but i feel like herpes robbed her of her youth. She had to grow up REAL fast. She is not (officially) depressed that i can tell, but i do see her struggle sometimes. How do i keep her spirits up? How to i encourage her to keep plugging away at life while she waits for boys her age to mature enough to educate themselves on the risks etc? I see her "handling it" by retreating into herself... Deciding not to give new people a chance to get to know her anymore ("seriously mom, whats the point when we all know how its going to end?") She has a job at the mall she loves and a handful of core friends. She stays active, watches her diet and takes vitamins. (Lysine) And while i know "a boyfriend isnt everything", shes still a teenage girl and i see the loneliness in her eyes, and at her age, i worry about what that loneliness will do, if it will take its toll. I see her scroll through social media looking at couples selfie pictures, "who hooked up with who last Friday night", "omg no way, they're talking!?" Whos taking who to prom, and i know what shes thinking. I know what shes missing. She said "mom its okay, i know im more than herpes, but i wouldn't date me either. I get it" Ive asked her if she wants to see a therapist, or if i can find a support group for teens with herpes, and she said no, she just wants to accept her new life in peace and not think about it all the time. She said she appreciates my encouragement but doesnt really buy it. She said shes tired of hearing its going to be ok from people who dont have it because its NOT ok. She said she doesn't need hsv cheerleaders, she just wants the stigma to go away and she wants doctors to find a cure. ("Seriously mom? Doctors can do heart transplants and brain surgery, send men to outer space, but they cant stop a damn BUMP from popping up on my xxxxxx?! WTF?") maybe im the one who needs the help because watching her deal with such a grown up issue at 17 breaks my heart, and i cant fix it. Any other moms of h+ teens out there who can relate? How are you coping?