My Story...25 years old and 4 months in

[smalltown23]

I would like to start out by thanking you for this site. It is by far the best support site I have found and I have come on here a lot the last few days so I thought it was time for me to share my story.

 

For the last 2 years I have been in the most amazing and blessed relationship I could have dreamed of. He is the most supportive and caring man I could asked for. We are from a small town in the Midwest. We are well like in our community and have a great circle of friends and family. We are outgoing, busy people and we love to travel etc. What no one knows tho is that we have a secret. About 4 months ago I was diagnosed with HSV1 and HSV2. We both get cold sores orally and we thought we were being safe.

 

About 6 months into our relationship I was taking a shower and I had an odd itch. I didn't look and just scratched it for a minute..rather roughly..not even thinking about it. When I got out of the shower I had a small sore..figured it was self inflicted at that point. It healed in about a week. I didn't notice any out of the ordinary symptoms. It itched a little during the week and slight swelling, but thought it was just from the healing process. I checked the area periodically after that just incase I developed other spots..nothing appeared out of the ordinary and life went on as normal. I told myself that if by some crazy chance another spot appeared I would go in.

 

Fast forward about 10 months give or take. It was in the heart of our really busy season at work. 12 hour days for about a month or so straight. I had been sick with a severe sinus infection for about 3 of those weeks, but with limited office help I didn't even have time to see a doctor. Stress level was thru the roof and I was constantly running back and forth trying to get things done. It was about week 4 when I noticed something wasn't right. I got in the shower and once again I felt an itch, but this time it was a little more intense, but it was a familiar itch. Instead of just scratching it I checked things out. It was swollen in the exact same spot as the sore I had had months earlier. A few days later a decent sized sore developed etc. At that point I just figured it was rash because a few days before all this occurred I had switched panty liner brands..figured I was having an allergic reaction. The symptoms persisted and it took about 2 weeks to heal. I had an appointment with a urologist coming up in a few days because I have overactive bladder so I figured I just get a blood test done when I got there to clear the air. Part of me thought for sure it was something bad. He initially refused saying that I was probably right about the allergic reaction thing, but I wanted clarity. I would rather know than not know. My boyfriend and I had only been intimate once that month due to the fact that it is also his busy season and when I had the sore we refrained from intimacy.

 

He called a week later. Positive for both. I immediately went on suppressive medication. The next few months were filled with all the classic emotions after finding out. I still have days where I struggle, but it is getting easier to manage. I made an appointment at a reproductive clinic where we could get couples coaching on how to deal with everything. It made us both feel much better. He has never had symptoms that we know of and the doctor opted not to give him a blood test. Her reasoning was that if we were going to continue to be together etc. what was the point without symptoms. What was that test going to change between us as a couple. If he were to develop symptoms we make another appointment. I have since been lucky and have not experienced another outbreak that I am aware of and hope to continue on that path, tho I know an outbreak is always possible. I have also decided to see a counselor since we have opted to keep this information to ourselves and health care professionals and of course this site.

 

My boyfriend has been nothing but supportive throughout this entire ordeal. He still loves me and thinks of me the same way he did before. We took a neutral stance on the matter since we both get cold sores and it could have been either of us that accidently caused this. He understands that I am going through a lot. He accepts my status and figures if he gets it that it will just be another thing we have in common. We are slowly becoming intimate again and he knows it will be a process as I learn my bodies signals etc. I'm at that point where I'm worried that every little itch etc. is another outbreak and I'm learning that that is not necessarily the case. We want a future together with marriage and kids and we will not let this skin rash determine how we live our lives.

 

I'd like to leave you with a quote I read. 'You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts.' This has resonated with me since I tend to get stuck in my own head about everything going on. We (and that means everyone) are not the stigma that surrounds this. We are still our same silly, lovable, and amazing selves. I'm taking the reins of my life back and while it can be an inconvenience at times I refuse to let it control me and my happiness.

[WCSDancer2010]

First - Hello and Welcome!

 

What a beautiful story.... it's so good to hear from people who are already in a relationship and whose partners prove who THEY are in their support and acceptance of the situation. Sounds like you have a good one there!

 

One thing I want to point on is the issue of your BF testing, or not...

 

He has never had symptoms that we know of and the doctor opted not to give him a blood test. Her reasoning was that if we were going to continue to be together etc. what was the point without symptoms. What was that test going to change between us as a couple. If he were to develop symptoms we make another appointment.

 

Well, here's the thing. You both have HSV1(cold sores) so that's no big deal. But right now you came up with a HSV2 diagnosis and you don't know if your BF has it or if you were an asymptomatic carrier all that time, which is a VERY real possibility. I have a client that got her first OB after 30+ years of marriage.

 

So - why test him? If he's HSV2+, you have NO worries at all and you can truly just put this on the back burner as far as precautions to keep him from getting it...you can't give each other *more* herpes..... in which case, you don't need to be on any kind of supressive meds unless you choose to in order to control the OB's for YOUR comfort.

 

But if he's HSV2- then you *may* want to be more cautious - you *may* want to go on antivirals to reduce the chance of him getting it. That's a choice the 2 of you would make.

 

We took a neutral stance on the matter since we both get cold sores and it could have been either of us that accidently caused this.

 

Well, no. You both had HSV1/cold sores, so neither of you can pass H1 to the other. Odds are you both got it in your youth as 60% of young people have HSV1 orally by the time they are young adults.

 

My point is, if he DOES have HSV2 and he gave it to you, obviously nothing changes as you have both accepted this ... but if he doesn't have it, then you *may* want the choice of whether you try to keep him from getting it or not... and there's no "right" answer there. Many will use antivirals, many won't. I personally use them early in my relationships and then re-visit my partner's comfort levels when we are established. Given you are having your first OB's, you *may* want to use them for the first 6 months to a year while your body gets control of the virus and you learn your symptoms. and then wean off them if you both are more comfortable with not being on the meds.

 

Otherwise you guys sound like you are in a really good place around this. I love hearing from people who are with H- partners who understand that this really is a nuisance skin condition in an inconvenient place....and who choose to love their partner with their little viral hitchhiker ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[2Legit2Quit]

U agree w Dancer, especially because it seems that you all are taking the stance you have it and he doesn't, which appears you seem to be worrying about transmission to him. You could avoid this anxiety, by knowing his status. If he has it, you're not going to obsess about every little itch and fear intimacy. See what what we mean?

[smalltown23]

I have been on antivirals since I found out. And yes as of now we are approaching this as if he does not have it. We have debated him getting a blood test to be sure, but we have not made an appt yet. He still has not shown any symptoms. I know we should get one done to be safe. I understand to a certain degree why the doctor decided against it. We are trying to take this one day at a time. We have a very mature and stable relationship and despite everything, we still do not have major arguments and are trying to remain positive.

I have a few questions just to get some clarity of some things.

In order to be positive for h2 I would have to have contracted h2? So say I had a cold sore that could pass to my lady bits as H1 only?

Is it possible that I could have h1 on my lady bits but when I had the blood test, could it have given a false positive for h2 when its really h1?

And according to some comments on here for your blood to test positive I would have to have had it for at least the last 3-4 months prior to my blood test. So odds are that I have probably had this for the past year or so and not have realized it? I got my blood test about 3 weeks after the most recent sore appeared.

Is it possible that either of us could have had this and not have realized it until one of us had symptoms?

I hope my questions make sense.

[2Legit2Quit]

Yes HSV 1 doesn't convert to HSV 2, just because it goes on our lady bits. Your HSV 2 infection z would give you immunity from getting HSV 1 on your genitals.

 

So you never have been swabbed? It is possible for a false positive on HSV 2, if they out you in fkr the combined hsv test and not a type specific. Swabs would not give you a false positive on type of hsv. Do you know your values and the type of test?

 

Well just the fact that you tested positive after 3 weeks in blood for hsv 2, is making me start to question the test you were out in for. Can you provide that info and then we can answer accordingly.

[smalltown23]

Thank you for clearing up the difference between h1 and h2. I have never been swabbed because when i went in the sores had already healed. No unfortunately I do not know my values or the type of test. At the time I didnt know much about any of this and I just asked for the blood test, figured the doctor knew what to do. Starting to wonder if I should get another blood test or just let it go.

[2Legit2Quit]

Well, I think it would be good to get the blood test IMHO, just so you two can no and find out you may not have to worry. Do what works for you guys though.

[smalltown23]

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it and I think we both will be getting blood tests in the near future.

[2Legit2Quit]

Np and good luck! Sound like you have an amazing living relationship and that's awesome!

[smalltown23]

Update: I went to the reproductive clinic and they pulled my records and blood test results from my first blood test 4 months ago. They did do an IGM and an IGG test on my first blood test. She showed me the papers. My results from the IGG test were positive hsv1 with about a 6.4 number and positive hsv2 with about a 10 for a number. I asked her if since my number seemed relatively high if that meant that I have had this for a while and she said it was possible. So basically it comes down to either my bf gave it me unknowingly since he has never had symptoms or I had it this whole time and didn't know. Is there anything you can add to this to help me understand it a little more? I am thinking that through correctly?

[2Legit2Quit]

Well how soon did you get that first blood test, after your first OB? Sounds like you waited awhile until second one came out, right? If that's the case, that would have been the only way to tell if it was new or not, had you taken it immediately after that first OB. At this point, it can be either one of them. You won't know unless he gets tested.