Hopelessly... Confused?

[BerryCool19]

I met a guy not so recently and we hit it off tremendously, I think he's the "Bee's Knees." I am ready to disclose, I am extremely terrified because I think he's a really nice guy and I really like him. I made him a packet with a lot of information about it and I've highlighted the things that I think are the most important. I started suppressive meds 3 weeks ago because I wanted to tell him then but I just couldn't. I feel myself getting cold feet again. I wanted to take him to a restaurant, like for coffee, to tell him that way he has the option to run for the hills if he pleases, but is that too public? I feel like it'll stop any bad reaction that he may or may not have. Is the packet a good idea? I mean it's the first time I've told a guy since I was diagnosed, the only other people that I've told are my three best friends because I was so ashamed of myself. I was actually on this website the other day when I came to terms with it and I just couldn't help but crying because I haven't fully accepted myself since I found out. I want, NEED, to tell him but I keep psyching myself out. Any suggestions for me?

[As89]

Sounds like you guys are hitting it off which is great! Congrats that's awesome to be giddy about someone! Whatever is most comfortable to you that's what you should do. I would wait to give him the high lighted packet until after you disclose I think that might be a little bit aggressive right off the bat. I would absolutely offer it to him if he has any questions or wants information. hell for all you know he could have h or have dated someone with h before and could know more than you! So I would decide a setting that is most comfortable to you and don't act like your confessing something bad.. It is what it is, it's a disease that you can't help or change, as any other. You're still as great as you were before and probably even better because you're more understanding and more educated about something than you were before! Goodluck! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and if he's as great as you say he is, he's not going to give two shits whether you have h or not. If you haven't fully accepted maybe try and wait it out and put on the brakes a bit until you can accept yourself. I disclosed to my ex before I fully accepted myself (to make me feel batter about myself that someone would still want me, and he did no questions asked) and I wasn't ready to have sex yet it scared me and I was so uncomfortable. It was him what so ever it was ME. Sorry about the long blab but take your time and think it through and follow your heart! Xoxo

[2Legit2Quit]

Maybe in a park setting and not w people surrounding you may be the way to go.

 

Did you print out the transmission risk spreadsheet from this site? That's the first and only paper I'd hand to him first during disclosure. Then you wait to see what he says, as you don't want to overwhelm him. Sometimes we prepare for war in a time of peace (which is what you're doing) and we may never need to come out w our guns blazing. It'a great to be prepared though. I disclosed to soneone in a culture where sex outside of marriage is still taboo and he couldn't believe what a big deal I made out if it.

 

it's never easy getting the first 3 words out, "I have herpes", but after you do, it flows from there and isn't that big of a deal. Example, I went skydiving, I was so nervous, I couldn't stop rubbing my palms against my thighs as I sat in the plane straddling the bench. When I had to start moving fast to the door as people were jumping and was at the door, I was terrified and I screamed for all of two seconds in a 60 second free fall. After those two seconds, I didn't feel my stomach in my throat anymore and I felt like I was just riding the wind. That's how disclosing is... You gotta just throw yourself out the door and after you do, the rest of the convo falls in align. We tend to over prepare and psych ourselves out, assuming this is going to be a horrendous experience. You got this girl! Here is the video my sexo d disclosure sent me me, after I disclosed and said that this was me! Hahaha.. He actually couldn't believe what a big deal I made of it.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

I agree, a quiet setting somewhere is best - not a restaurant where the waiter may barge in at the wrong time or you may worry about someone overhearing you. And I would have the info ready to give to him later... sometimes too much info at once is overwhelming and makes things seem bigger than it is.

 

I suggest that you read all the Success Stories that you can. There's a wealth of info there to help you figure out what to say, as well as inspiration when you see how well someone takes the disclosure when they truly love the H+ person. In that way Herpes can be a GREAT Wingman... (see link below...no, I'm not crazy). You will quickly find out if he's into YOU, or if he wants to get INTO you. You will find out if he will stay by your side through tough times or run when things get sticky. If you can look at it more like a litmus test of his feelings, rather than some nasty flaw in you, disclosure becomes something that you can use as a tool to determine if this person really is the person you *think* they are. 🙂

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways 🙂

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Herpes facts video

 

 

[BerryCool19]

Thank you guys so much! I posted this so long ago and never responded but....*cue drumroll* he freaked out a little but afterwards everything was fine. I wasn't comfortable with sex at first but after a while we did it and now... Our sex life is amazing. We've been dating for 7 months in all. I'm extremely happy and he doesn't give a damn that I have herpes. He never mentions it, quite sure he forgot I even had it. He's so perfect and I think that we'll be happy for a while. Your support helped out tremendously and I think that we can definitely file my story under a success story.