HSV 1 genital- still confused....

[vorpalsword]

Hi there - new to the forum. I was diagnosed with genital HSV 1 about 8 months ago. So far, I have had one man I told tell me, "I'm not worried about cold sores," and we continue to be lovers. Another never wanted to see me again. Anyhow, I am dating, and I have a few questions about the whole disclosure thing. First off, am I wrong in wanting to downplay this whole thing? I feel like physically, since my first OB, this thing has not affected me at all. The only time it is an issue is when I have to tell a potential lover. I have it in mind that I got "lucky" with HSV 1 because it is not as active as much in the body and it is harder to transmit. Am I correct? I would always tell people anyhow, as well as use condoms. I am not taking the anti-virals, but I would be willing to. Secondly, part of me wants to get to know people first, but another part of me thinks I should just come out with the news pretty soon. It is part of who I am, and if it is a deal breaker, I would rather just move on. I'd love to hear from some of you who HSV 1 genital and who are more experienced than I.

[MMissouri]

No, you're not wrong. Part of the stigma is ignorance and even us that have it have a hard time keeping all the facts straight. And fear, people fear herpes because they thing it's this horrible life long illness. And in reality, once you get past that first outbreak, then your first year, usually it is just a irritation that pops up here and there. So downplay it as much as you want. As long as you are honest with them and yourself, what more can anyone ask of you?

 

If you want to disclose immediately, then that's fine! Some people choose to wait in hopes that once the person gets to know the real them, the risk will be more worth it. Which makes sense, but it can also make those rejections a little more painful. So, I personally think it's a personal choice.

[vorpalsword]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me.

[MMissouri]

You're very welcome :)

[JJJ2015]

That's totally a personal call. I've been seeing a guy for 4 months after telling him on our 4th date (I felt we were EXTREMELY close at this point already - sometimes that happens) but he is still scared to have sex with me and is not wanting to be exclusive. So I've started dating. I've been on now 4 dates with one guy and decided to go ahead and tell him. In my head I'm still closed off to him partially bc I still really like this other guy, but also partially bc I don't want to go through the same thing with this new guy.... date for months and then find out he can't handle it.

So I'm figuring I'll tell ppl once I determine they are in fact looking for a relationship, which can take a while.... but before I've gotten attached.

And if it hasn't affected you at all then I don't even think you're "downlplaying" it. To me, downplaying would be if it really has affected you but you're trying to put off that it hasn't. So it seems to me you're just telling the truth!

Hope that helps.

[vorpalsword]

Thanks for that...as an update...

I have been online dating, which has mostly been chatting - I have been on a few dates. Anyhow, out of the blue a guy and I started chatting and after a day of chatting we decided to get together and that turned unexpectedly into a massage...and then I had to have the talk. I did, and he didn't think it was a big deal. He said, "I have had cold sores sometimes." And that was that! This reminded me that actually any time a person makes me feel like a leper after I tell them, they are not a person I want to spend time with. There are folks out there who see this for what it is - we need to seek those people.