It's been 3 months since I got herpes ...

[AshleyS]

3 months ago, I was diagnosed with herpes... I remember when the doctor told me she believed that's what it was, I felt like my entire world came crashing down. I was terrified of what my boyfriend would think if the test came back positive, we just had this conversation about a week or two before. While I waited impatiently for the test to come back, it took all my will power to avoid seeing him for a week because I knew what it would have led to if I did see him (we were still in the honeymoon phase). I cried uncontrollably on and off the entire time. The doctor was worried because of how much weight I lost from not eating, I was too stressed out to even think about eating. She tried to reassure me that everything was going to be okay, and that it wasn't like I went out looking for this. She tried to tell me that it was unlikely for me to have gotten it from my boyfriend, because of how fast I had an outbreak. She said I more likely got it from my last one. I had only been with one other person unprotected, my children's dad. I went to him when he kept trying to get me to tell him what was going on, he to was worried about me losing so much weight so fast. He went and got tested, the test came back negative. That left one other person, my boyfriend. The day I got the results of my test back, was the same day I had the talk with my boyfriend. He just got back into town from work, and we had plans to hang out after I went to my friends. When I got to his house, he noticed I was a little distant. I had been crying at my friend's, she was trying to calm me down and reassure me that everything was going to be okay. I sat in his living room waiting for him to get done doing dishes. I started shaking, hyperventilating while I waited for him to come talk to me. I was terrified about his how his reaction may be. He sat down next to me and asked if everything was okay. He knew I had been "sick" and asked how the doctor's went. I told him. I made sure that he understood that he was the only person I could have gotten it from. He was really quiet, no reaction other than him saying it was a pretty fucked up situation. I asked him if he had any knowledge of potentially having it, or if he had been protected with all of the other girls he had slept with. He said he didn't know and that he was protected with the last one, yeah, but not every girl. I told him I would understand if he didn't want to be with me anymore, he said he wasn't going to leave me over something he could have given me. He said he was going to get tested (which he never did). We ended up having a good night...

 

Then, things turned for the worse. He started acting weird, stopped calling/texting me as often, blew off plans to hang out, avoided me when we ran into each in public. It didn't make sense. We got into a huge fight at a bar because my sister and I caught him in a lie (trying to take another girl out on a date). Then 2 weeks later, I ended up breaking up with him because of another fight we had at the bar over him dancing with another girl that was beyond disrespectful to me. The more I think about his reaction when I told him he basically gave me herpes, the more I wonder why he was so cavalier about it.. He probably had an idea, but didn't care at all. I cried for an entire week on and off over him after our break up. Yeah, we were together for just 2 months, but the simple fact that he gave me herpes and doesn't give two shits about it is what is tearing me up !! 3 weeks had past without hearing from him, so I decided to send him a text message telling him I forgave him for what he did to me, and that I just hope he's being more careful with the next girl. He said he was really sorry, and that hoped I would find the guy I was looking for. We tried to be friends. We talked on and off for a week.

 

It makes it harder for me to enjoy myself when I go on dates. Herpes is always in the back of my mind. I've been on 2 dates since he and I split. I can only see me being with one of the two guys, and actually opening up to him, but it makes it hard since he knows my giver. How do you tell someone that a friend of theirs gave you herpes ?? I'm so scared of the reaction, that it holds me back from seeing that person again. This town is so small that it's almost impossible to escape being with someone who knows him. What makes me so upset is a lot of my friends knew how he was, a cheater, liar, asshole, and no one bothered to relay the information to me. A guy who knows him asked how the heck does someone like me end up with someone like him. Then he made the comment that I could catch something from him.. Thanks bud, but you're a little late on that one (I didn't say that, but I thought it). I'm not out looking for a relationship, but I do not want this standing in my way. It's somewhat of a blessing, because it now forces me to actually take time and get to know someone else, and see if they can handle it, but it's also a curse because not everyone is going to understand. But as I see it, if you can't look past me having herpes then you don't get the honor of having me in your life. I'm not a bad person, I made a mistake. I shouldn't be punished for being trusting just because I was lied to.

[inspired32]

That is completely understandable and I'm so sorry that is happening to you. I can relate with you about your now ex-boyfriend because with my situation he denied it all the way too and acted like we would keep seeing each other only for it to fade off a month ish later. For me it was right before summer and we live in different hometowns so i wouldn't be seeing him for 3 whole months. It was very hard but we kept up through texting and the phone and he claimed he would get tested and never did because he lied that his test was negative. i know he lied because my gyno told me he 99% gave me it. He and sounds like your guy too are cowards, they can't and are not ready to admit they could have passed ons something devastating to someone they cared for. Until then, they won't be able to successfully date either, it just may look like they are. I still struggle (its been almost one full year since) and it is very difficult. It has taken me longer to open up to boys (just about anything) because i feel vulnerable and afraid. I notice i can't have stressful people in my life so i am able to weed away the douchebags easily! :) I have not disclosed to any new partners (i never even had intercourse with the giver nor since a few years) and feel to do that i need to disclose. I have disclosed to a couple best girlfriends and my mom and sister and that is all for now. I am writing this so you do not feel alone because i feel alone on some days and i know it is very scary. This does happen to people they just don't talk about it because society shuns this topic. I am sorry this happened to you but we both cannot sit here feeling bad for ourselves when it is just a virus it doesnt change who we are as people. Only special people who come into our lives even DESERVE this personal and private information and when that happens i believe the connections we will find will be so strong and exciting. I can't wait for that, but, until then, we must stay very strong in this because we are only innocent victims.

[lelani]

I understand what both of you are going through...I contracted HPV from my now unfaithful and ex husband and HSV2 from another man I loved who had been given wrong information from his doctor and thought he was ok as he hadn't had an outbreak for 20 years. We aren't together now but not because of H (circumstances) and we are still good friends.

 

I have had HPV for 26 years and HSV2 for 7 months...I know what it is life to have to disclose and to accept what I have, and I come two for one! It has not stopped me from having relationships or sex...although I am careful and creative. I have learned that disclosing is a test of my character and integrity more than anything else. I have a gorgeous friend with benefits at the moment who I do not go all the way with...I am just very creative. He accepts me and enjoys my creativity - he would like to go further as we used to (he is a lover from a few years ago before H) but allows me to go as far as I want...

 

You will be accepted and I've found it gets easier to talk about the more i do it. I don't feel any stigma now (I soooo did at the beginning and did all the crying too). Just as you have said, H weeds out the crappy me who aren't worth it...like yours Cas - he isn't worth your time or energy. My best friendships have developed since H as I am open and honest with people, they appreciate it and we connect at a deeper level - it has been surprising what others have told me about their lives...H is n't the worst believe me!

 

I had 5 months of constant outbreak and have worked hard on my thoughts, diet, time management and forgiveness - no no symptoms for the last two months at all. H will be a blessing to keep me healthy in every area of my life - if I get out of balance I know it will kick me into finding it again.

 

You will grow stronger and the connections you have will be deeper...and we are not victims at all unless we choose to be. Choose integrity, openness and acceptance - forgive your giver and yourself and life will be good, I promise you :-)