My herpes story living with herpes

[maiharmony]

I am ,a 26 year old lady. 5 weeks ago my boyfriend gave me oral sex he had a cracked lip and a few days later he sent me a picture and he had a few bumps on his upper lip. He is a pharmacist and he to ld me it's herpes and he got it from me because he has never had cold sores before. He was really angry and he essentially told me I had ruined his life. I explained to him tht I have never had any blisters or lesions on my vagina before. He did not understand. I started researching on herpes and came across this forum. It gave me the courage to go and see a doctor. The doctor said I probably don't have HSV since I have never had symptoms before. I got a blood test yesterday but results will take a few days. I know I probably have HSV and it's asymptomatic after reading and researching on herpes. During the first two weeks I lived with immense guilt and feelings of worthlessness especially given the fact that I live in a country where herpes is almost equated to leprosy. I wanted to die and felt suicidal.The reading material on this site helped me deal with this. The boyfriend kept texting me venting and blaming me all the time and this only increased the mental anguish. Even if my test comes positive I believe I have accepted it in my heart that it's not the end of the world or my life. Im still suffering from the mental anguish and my boyfriend recently had another outbreak and Everytime I see a text notification from him I get so afraid if what he is saying. The guilt consumes sometimes. But I want to thank you guys for all the posts and support I got from reading on this site. I still have a long way to go in terms of self esteem and mentally dealing with herpes and dating and having a future sex life but I am thankful. Thank you so much for all your posts all your success stories I want to start an awareness program in my country Zimbabwe to help people meet people like you and find sites like this. There are days when I forget about herpes entirely but there are still days when I can't sleep thinking about it feeling guilty and lost.

[mr_hopp]

Hello! Oh I'm so glad you posted. :) It's inspiring to hear that you're wanting to spread the love in Zimbabwe! And everything you mentioned is unfortunately quite common. The guilt, the judgment of it feeling like leprosy, the suicidal feelings ... but know that these aren't the truth. They are symptoms of a certain way of thinking. And your way of thinking is shifting as you heal. Keep it up. Be real, but be positive. Treat yourself well and don't put up with anyone who doesn't treat you with that same level of respect. You deserve it. ;)

[Katidid]

There's always the chance he got it somewhere else. Don't fret until you know for sure. Even if you did give it to him, you legitimately didn't know you had it. Don't beat yourself up over it.