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Herpes and suicidal thoughts


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I'm new to this site not exactly sure how it works but im giving it a try because I'm in desperate need of people to talk to... I found out I have herpes on Thursday and I'm only 17 :( I'm in my first outbreak it's so bad and not getting much better yet.. I'm assuming people can send private messages on here but I'm not sure, if so will someone please message me I need you! Really depressed and having strong suicidal thoughts, I don't know how much longer I can go on.... (have always struggled with this, but I think having herpes may finally push me over the edge) someone please help no one understands my pain.

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DyingInside ... I'm SO glad you reached out. Especially if you're contemplating suicide. PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T DO IT. If you need someone to talk to now, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. There's immediate help there. And for herpes-related support, you have all the help you need right here! It may feel like you're the only person going through this and no one understands your pain, but we all do. We understand you and we hear you. Big, big hug. We have a great community of people who love to help. Know that you're going to be okay. Just love yourself through your process of healing. Don't beat yourself up any more about this. I know I had that tendency for a LONG time. But it didn't help. It just hurt me more. Be fair to yourself and you'll move past this into more self-love and compassion. We're here for you. Please post something on the boards so we can support you however you need, okay?

 

Oh, and don't put an end to yourself. You can put an end to your misery, but don't put an end to yourself. That would be such a waste to put an end to a perfectly beautiful, decent, feeling, loving person ... Isn't that what you are? Doesn't the same person who is reaching out now know there is something reaching out for? You deserve to be here. You deserve to be loved. Never forget that. Even though it feels like a part of you is dying inside, there is a big piece of you that is living ... and striving to live bigger than you are now. Trust that part. Those negative voices will always be there, but it's your choice whether you choose to listen to them or not. What part of you are you choosing to listen to? We're all here for you if you need to tell a few of those voices to go find something better to do. :)

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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The hugest hug for you...you are not on your own and while it seems like your life is ending it isn't. I remember my first outbreak too and I spent days crying and thinking my life was over, it didn't help that I physically felt so bad too. Now 7 months down the track I realise my life is not over and I have made some really close friends because of H. I decided to be open about it and in turn people have revealed really private things about themselves because they feel a connection and won't be judged.

 

This is a real lesson in being kind to yourself, H just brings out the fears and negative stuff we have already....for us to really deal with and start loving ourselves. I love what Hopp says about striving to live bigger than you are now - it is sooooo true. Whenever you have a negative thought or feeling...think about how you can be bigger than it choose to be that. Think of how you can help other people by being non judgemental and supportive, in turn you help yourself be more of that.

 

This is a painful thing to go through and is a very lonely place to be...I am so glad you reached out too because we all care, we understand how you feel and also know it gets better. Trust that it gets better and that you are a worthwhile and deserving person - this is just a challenge for you to show that person to the world, to those your life touches. Its about being a light and shining when it is dark..take little steps, keep in touch with us and know that you can say anything here and we will accept you and understand.

 

So kick those voices in the ass, they are not you :-)

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So glad someone else finally decided to write... Forgot to mention that I'm not only going through my first outbreak, but my first UTI also!!(that's why I went to the doctor in the first place, and found out I had herpes, though I knew it had to be more once I saw bumps come up...) I've spent most of my time laying in the bed since Wednesday night when the burning first started and now its Sunday night, is this normal?? Ive taken two days off work with doctors notes and I'm going back to work tomorrow at 3, I'm kinda scared but I feel like I should tough it out, any suggestions?

 

As for the voices, who knows if they are or aren't me, they've always been there for me, lol. Hmmm.. IDK what I'm going to do, still so confused I have a lot of unanswered questions....

 

alone, wondering what the f*** the point is, life was never worth and never will be worth any of this bs!!!

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It was nice to talk with you on the phone yesterday ... and glad to hear you're back today. Much love to you.

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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Yes it is normal..I had a vaginal bacterial infection too and it went on for months - actually I think that was worse than anything. I had days in bed initially, headaches as well and felt awful (all the crying didn't help either!). Yes tough it out...there is a point and it is to make you tougher. I am seven months down the track now and after what seemed like one constant outbreak for 5 months all the symptoms suddenly stopped...have only had maybe slight tingling and redness a couple of times in the last two months. I feel so much better and am getting on with life.

 

I have stepped up keeping healthy - exercising every day with walking and I dance three times a week, I eat REALLY healthy and do affirmations and meditation every day. I feel so healthy now and have H to thank for that, if I get more outbreaks I know I need to get some balance back in my life - its like a built in health check for me.

 

I focus on being a good friend and volunteering helping out in the community - thinking of others and helping others is an awesome way of seeing that life is worth it, and letting you see that you are worth it too. And it's fun, I have met awesome people and made great friends. They don't care what I have, they care about me and how I contribute to their life.

 

And about the voices..if you are thinking about them then they aren't you and you can control them, it takes practice but its worth it. Any questions...just keep firing away, we will answer them as best we can and you can always know we understand.

 

Sending you love and healing and courage...x

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I love how you reached out to help, DyingInside. Warms my heart. (Yes, in a total ooey-gooey way.) Sounds like you're ready to start living. (Should you change your name to LivingInside?) ;)

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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I feel your pain, when I had my first outbreak I also had a yeast infection and Bacterial Vaginosis ON TOP of the bumps. I couldn't do anything but lay in bed and apply vagisil cream every 15 minutes.. (thankfully it was over my spring break at school and I didn't have to be anywhere!)

 

Just know that your body builds immunity to the virus and as time progresses the outbreaks will last for shorter amounts of time and the amount of outbreaks will most likely continually lessen..Although the virus never fully goes away, there is a possibility that you won't get bumps for years and years after your body has built up enough immunity. :)

 

Hang in there. Life is too valuable to just throw away!

 

Just so anyone reading this knows, I went to school for clinical counseling and am here for anyone who needs to talk! :)

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