Losing my mind!

[stuckinarut]

I'm really into this guy I've been dating and so scared to tell him that I have herpes. Being with him is like nothing I've ever felt before and I can't fathom the idea of not being with him. I also told him, so many times this past week, but itnjist never came out and I can't take it anymore. I have to tell him or I'm going to explode. It's like I just need it to be out in the air because I need to work if this things between us is real or not. I want to tell him like right now, but he's on his way to work and usually talks to me while he's there because he does security and has extra time. I want to tell him tonight while we are on FaceTime that's pretty much the only way we communicate when we aren't together. I want to tell him how I feel about it then just spit it out. At this point I'm just freaking out because I really really like him and I can't see myself without him. I kind of want to tell him when we meet up again, but I just have this feeling that I should tell him today or maybe it's just my fear of rejection. Idk guys do you think FaceTime isn't the way I should go? At this time I'm not sure when we are going to hang again and if I have to hold onto this any longer spontaneous combustion will occur. I know the dramatics may seem like a bit much, but this thing is really building inside me and it's stressing me out. It doesn't help that I'm currently in the middle of a very minor outbreak, I just need to tell him.

[desertlove]

I completely understand you. I'd wait until you see him in person, but if it feels right to you, then go ahead and disclose over FaceTime! Goodluck!

[stuckinarut]

Thanks! I decided to tell him in person it's killing me, but I know it's the right thing. I'm going to tell him this Thursday toward the end of our date I guess I just don't know. I just hope I don't spit it out and forget the stats or everything I've been rehearsing. I totally see this happening. Pray for me!!

[stuckinarut]

We had the talk and he was really stunned and the way he was speaking I knew he didn't accept it. He told me he needed more information even though I was answering all his questions. He wanted to go to the doctor with me and ask more about it, so I made an appointment for today we had the talk Wednesday. Then last night he decided he can't accept it and ended it with me. He told me he was scared and didn't want what catch it. He said he can't live with the idea that anytime he has sex with me unprotected he could possibly get it. I explained how EVERYTHING works and it just wasn't enough. I was devastated and cried in front of him I told him he had to end the facetime call because I wouldn't. He ended it and I cried for a while then I just jumped up and went for a long walk. I ended up at the riverside near my apartment and just looked across the water in deep though there was a breeze that just flowed through me. I stayed there for a while then made my way home. I felt, so much better after just taking a minute to breath. I keep telling myself that it was only a couple week that we knew each other anyways, but I was so emotionally connected to this guy. It felt like he was it for me he was everything I've been looking for. I can't get him out of my head. I don't know what I'm going to do.

[HikingGirl]

Hugs to you, @stuckinarut. I could tell from your original post that you were really hopeful about this guy. You can be proud of yourself for being honest with him and true to yourself.

[stuckinarut]

Thanks @HikingGirl I was extremely hopeful about this guy, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. To make matters worse he texted me today asking if I was okay and that I could call him if I just wanted to talk like really dude. I basically told him not thanks I'm good and that he made his choice and we both have to live with it and move on. I also thanked him for being a good man and genuine, but I had to ask him to leave me alone. There's no way I could ever heal from this and just be his friend I'm almost offended that he'd even try to do that because he knows how I feel. I just want to crawl into a corner and cry. It may have been a short time, but they way he treated me was amazing and he talked as if we were already in a relationship. I just can't, the more I think about him the more I want to cry because I'm thinking about what could have been.

[HikingGirl]

Have yourself a good cry! There's no shame in that and it's a great release. We just don't want you to still be crying in the corner a few years from now. :-)

[stuckinarut]

Thank you. This is the first time I've been rejected over this so it's hitting me really hard, but I'm trying to be as hopeful as possible. Everything is going to be okay and my brain knows that, but my heart is aching something serious. Thanks for tuning in @HikingGirl I really appreciate it. :-)