desertlove

Thought I'd share what happened to me an hour ago. Just yesterday I was sharing my frustration about not knowing or meeting anyone with genital herps. WELL, I went to my local herb shop to look for some lemon balm for my rash and I ended up telling the worker about my herpes and she admitted to having Hsv2 also! She's had it for 17 years. She was with her giver for 5, but then married someone else!!! She is happily married and has a 7 year old :). Even though she's one of the lucky ones since she hasn't had an outbreak since her primary, she was very helpful and positive. I mentioned to her about my post from yesterday and she smiled and said "ask and you shall receive". Im not religious BUT it felt right. Also, last time I was there the other employee told me about how her sister was diagnosed 2 years ago. The weird thing is that on both occasions I hadn't planned on going but because I drove by I decided to stop. I left the herb shop feeling extremely happy and hopeful :). Oh I ended up buying some Lemon Balm liquid extract and lemon balm soother/salve for my rash! Anyways, this just shows that we aren't alone but also that maybe we should be more open to sharing our status. <3

I completely understand you. I'd wait until you see him in person, but if it feels right to you, then go ahead and disclose over FaceTime! Goodluck!

Also, since condoms won't protect my future partner from that area, I worry that I'll transmit it to them :(. Maybe covering that area with a bandaid or some medical tape might help?

Thank you for clarifying. That's what I have understood also, but that idea crossed my mind after realizing I was having new symptoms. I'm pretty sure that part of my buttocks got infected from my last encounter with my giver. It makes perfect sense to me because where I get my rash is where his scrotum touched (sorry tmi!). I am currently on acyclovir. I've thought about valtrex but I have to do my research. I think i've heard valtrex might have some negative side effects? I went to my local herb shop recently and they gave me some tea for the nerves. I'm hoping that will help out a bit. Thank you! :( I try to stay positive but sometimes I can't help but get really down about it. I hope that by next year the rash will go away. @HikingGirl

Thank you for sharing!:) When it comes to casual sex, when do you disclose?

Im 3 months shy from my 2 year anniversary. Next week will be a year since I had intercourse. Even thought I have come along way, deep down I'm still in pain and struggle with self-confidence. If I think too hard about everything that happened between my giver and I, I will tear up or cry. My emotions are so strong that I have even shed some tears in public and even at work (when no one is looking). Another thing that upsets me is the fact that I get a rash where us girls tend to get wedgies. My first year I was rash free but I think my herpes spread to that area after having sex with my giver last year (he gets obs on his scrotum). I don't even get blisters on my genitals anymore:(, just this stupid rash that I deal with almost everyday (its worse than getting them on my genitals). I can't wear normal underwear anymore because the extra fabric (even if its cotton) will cause friction if I wear it for too long. I found that thongs work better since they stay in place. When I'm home I go comando. I can't even go to the gym sometimes because of how bothersome it is and this is what frustrates me and angers me. I start thinking about how on earth I will be a able to manage it when I start working as a Biological technician. We hike all day! :/ I try to stay away from bad foods and I take antivirals but I've concluded that it's most likely the friction that is causing the rash. I feel hopeless :(. Okay I've been having this weird thought for a few months.... since it is a skin condition... is there a possibility of surgically removing the skin thats infected to stop the rash from happening in that spot? Or because the virus has already made its appearance there it will keep recurring there regardless of it being new skin? Also, I wish I could meet people with hsv2. There aren't any support groups in my area. I think that would help me feel less alone. I'm grateful for this forum, however not being able to put faces to like 99% of you still makes me feel alone. I've put my profile picture up before but I always end up taking it down because I feel self conscious that you guys can see my face but I can't see yours lol. I don't know what to do about my herpes anymore. Sorry for the rant!

Hey, how are you doing? Did you end up disclosing? I know its hard. I'm currently dealing with a similar situation. Stay positive!

Yes, I guess I'm a hot mess right now lol. I don't want to have intercourse with him because at this point in my life, I only want to have intercourse with someone I'd officially be dating. Well, I feel rejected because I can tell he wouldn't want anything serious with me. It is finals week for him so I understand he is busy, but I messaged him earlier just to wish him good luck on his exam and he just texted me back. Yet he had been posting snapchat videos lol. I have a feeling he is going to ask me to go over. Deep down I just want to feel loved and be in a serious relationship. @HikingGirl

@hippyherpy I understand that, but I just wish they would be safer. I've been following your herpes journey for some time now lol. I find that guys have better luck when disclosing. Do you have any advice?

I've mostly dated hispanic men. Since being diagnosed I've wondered if latino men are more judgmental than lets say white men when it comes to herpes? I haven't disclosed to any new partners, but for some reason I feel like hispanic men might not be as open to seeing me once I disclose to them. Maybe because they do tend to be a bit more macho. Does anyone have any personal experience with this?

I believe without condoms there is 10-15% chance of transmission , not sure if thats when you are shedding or not. Have you considered taking antivirals to help reduce the transmission rate? Has your partner tested negative for hsv1 or hsv2? {{Hugs}}

Maybe disclosing to him even if I get rejected will be my breakthrough? Maybe I'll feel empowered and feel like I have some control over my life again?

I've been hanging out with a guy for the past 2 weeks. We've made out and cuddled, but I want to get a lil friskier. Maybe not have sex, but I would like for him to mess around with me. I have hsv2. I told him that I don't like one night stands and that's why I won't have sex with him, but he thinks I'm mostly being shy. I might of mest up already because things got a lil hot and heavy and I ended up going down on him. I'm hsv1 negative, but still I probably shouldn't have until disclosing I have Ghsv2. I hate feeling like I'm hiding this big dark secret and beating around the bush. It makes me feel immature and insecure. Part of me wants to tell him I have it, but since he is moving away for the summer and I might be moving for good next month is it even worth telling him and getting more intimate with him? I know I won't handle rejection well, but tbh, I already feel a bit rejected by him. He is really cool and I could see myself wanting to get to know him more, but I get the feeling he is just seeing this as a fun time. Im just really tired, angry, and frustrated over keeping this in. I also, know we will most likely keep being friends even if I move away so I wouldn't want this to bite me in butt if I were to see him in the future and disclose then. He might ask me why I didn't disclose when we first met. >.< I've been having mini meltdowns over this. Feeling like I'm doomed.

What about giving oral to someone? I am hsv1 negative but ghsv 2 positive.

@nothinggoodgetsaway Thats great to hear that you haven't been rejected. I haven't had to disclose to a new partner. I have disclosed to an ex-lover and he's fine with it now. I recently met someone and I'm considering telling him. We've only been hanging out for the past 2 weeks and he is going back home for the summer at the end of the week. I'm most likely moving away next month...so I don't know if I should get more intimidate with him and tell him. We already made out and I gave him a hand job lol and I didn't let him touch me down there. I just don't know if its worth putting myself out there like that since this might be our last week together. I know I won't take his rejection very well, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm hiding a big dark secret.

Thank you @HikingGirl, I've heard some of those theories but never made the connection with herpes. thank you for posting them, they put things into perspective. Im still very angry, but try to take it day by day. {{Hugs}}

@NothingGoodGetsAway Wow. I wish I would have talked to you before! Thank you so much for replying. You understand me completely lol. Everything you said is true. I am little envious of my friends and bitter that they will most likely never deal with what we have gone thru, but I try to stay positive. Have you disclosed to any romantic partners?

Omg! :') Thank you for sharing! Best story i've heard so far! I hope one day I can post my success story:)

When I first got diagnosed back in August 2015, I felt like I needed to share my story with as many friends as possible. I believed it was my duty to educate and warn them about it. Also, part of me was hoping someone would step forward and confess that they too had hsv2 (that still hasn't happened and I've told close to 20 people). About 5 do have hsv1, but I can tell they see hsv2 as far worse than getting cold sores. I had hoped that by sharing my painful story they would be more careful, but i've found that it didn't make a difference and to me it's a slap in the face. My most irresponsible friends continue to be irresponsible, one of them has multiple partners and never uses condoms. All she says tells me is "I know you're gonna be mad at me". My roommate recently started dating someone and also doesn't use condoms. She thinks just because she's always been in serious relationships that they are all "clean". I don't know how much more I can emphasize to them that it doesn't matter if you come out negative in a std check up, you could still have herpes!!! It just really frustrates me and brings me down. Out of most of my friends I was always the most responsible one, I was even celibate for 5 years!!! Sometimes I wish I could tell them that they most likely already have it lol but that would be childish of me. >.< Sometimes I wonder if they just feel bad for me and think that it will never happen to them. But because it DID happen to ME (the good girl), I think it should be more of a reason for them to be careful. Because it can really happen to anyone. I just happen to be one of the unlucky ones.

I have hsv2. A few days ago I kissed a friend who knows about it. We didn't have intercourse because I was having symptoms but we did make out and I did go down on him for like 5 seconds. I don't like going down on him because I get scared about transmitting it to him even tho it is rare to transmit through oral sex right? Last time I checked I was hsv1 negative. Today he messaged me about having blisters inside his mouth and tongue. None on his lip. I am freaking out. Did I transmit it to him:(. We mostly kissed. So am I not allowed to kiss when I'm shedding down below? Im confused. I'm hoping they are just canker sores.

I had the same problem and my doctor said the same thing. That herpes doesn't effect that. Maybe since we are more aware of whats going on down there we notice things that we didn't before?

So are rashes considered to be a mild outbreak? I've been having problems with my rash for a few weeks now. Im on daily suppressive therapy and I don't get blisters anymore. I'm wondering if blisters are considered worse than a rash, like the last stage? Is it good that I'm not having blisters? To be honest the rash causes me more discomfort than when I was getting a blister or two on my clit. The rash is more debilitating and lasts longer than the blisters. It doesn't help that walking too much irritates it. I feel very lost. I try to avoid arginine when I have symptoms but I can't seem to get rid of the rash. Nothing seems to be working. Im thinking of going to the doctor to see if I'm deficient in anything. I finally went to the gym and just toughed it out. Also, Im very concerned about were my rash occurs. I can't cover that area with a condom so it stresses me out and saddens me that I won't be able to fully protect a future partner from getting it. :( Is there such a thing as condoms for scrotums lol. My giver gets OBs on his so it makes sense that my rash occurs on my bottom. -_- Feeling very lost. Should I go see a specialist?

@katidid thanks for the help. I don't think it is female jock. Maybe I'm just having a bad month

I've heard that citrus fruits also irritate, but my friend that has hsv1 told me this so I am also not sure if it affects us hsv2 folks.

Update/story/question time lol I apologize for the long message. My one year anniversary since being diagnosed was a few weeks ago. :O It was a pretty horrible year, I can't believe I survived it.I honestly felt like death for a good while, but I can say I feel mentality stronger now, and I am proud about how I decided to handle the situation. I educated myself and for a good while I felt like I needed to tell every close friend possible and educate them in hopes that they would protect themselves.Also,to be honest part of me was hoping someone would come out and share that they also had genital herpes. A couple of them confessed to having cold sores, but I could tell they saw hsv2 as worse. Anyways I decided to stop telling people because a few of them continued to have unprotected sex with multiple people. I realized my story didn't influence them enough to make a change and that really offended me! Especially because i've never been promiscuous so to catch this felt very unfair. Although we all know herpes doesn't discriminate. Yay for equality lol. Sometimes I have evil thoughts about telling them that just because they have no symptoms that it doesn't mean they don't already have it, but I would never and I truly don't wish this upon anyone. Recently my guy best friend passed away and that has changed my perspective about where and who I should be spending my energy on. My dad once told me that I should cry over people that matter and not over people that don't. The day Ricky passed away, I realized that crying over my giver was a waste and that crying over my best friend was worth every tear. I've been on suppressive therapy for the past 3 months since my last horrible OB that ended up being like my primary >.<. I've been doing pretty well on it. haven't had a blister in 2 months BUT I am having mild rashes and for the past 3 weeks they come and go. It's really frustrating because it gets in the way of working out my legs and if you lift you know how important leg day is lol. I've noticed that my skin where I get the rash is extra sensitive now because it gets irritated so easily. My underwear starts chaffing the bottom part my inner glutes. Even my cotton ones :/. It could be from stressing about school, my best friend's death, about running into my giver at school and about not being able to workout :(. As soon as I get home I take off my underwear to get some relief lol. If only I could wear a skirt to the gym and be pantiless while I do some heavy squats lmao. *sigh* So I am here to ask for any kind of advice! Help! Also, does any one suggest a specific underwear brand?