Disclosed, now what?

[serendipity515]

Hi friends! It's been quite some time. A quick synopsis of who I am: 24 y/o female, have had HSV1 below the belt for 3 years now. I've disclosed the herp several times, and have had three partners (two of which were relationships) in this time. I've been in a good place about H for a while now, but a new potential partner has thrown me for a loop. I'm also bisexual and currently dating women.

 

I very randomly met a new woman online a few months ago. I disclosed my status about a month after we started talking and she was understanding, appreciative of me telling her. At this point things weren't romantic, but we did meet about a month and a half later. This is where things get tricky.

 

We spend the night together, she got a hotel room for us. After a night of partying and a little liquid courage, things began to get physical, but all above the belt. She stops and proceeds to tell me how we can't do this, the risks are too high, the distance, etc. In that moment I was really thrown off and uncomfortable, but respected her concerns and we stopped. The next day she told me she felt that I talked about H like it wasn't a big deal and that it wasn't fair to expect her to be okay with it just yet, considering how new things were between us. That was a first, but I understood from the perspective of risk~benefit: distance with a new woman and not wanting to rush into a relationship. H is definitely not casual sex friendly. :/

 

Fast forward to this month, now 5 months of communication and things had become pretty romantic. She's actually coming to visit this weekend. I'm trying to manage expectations. We recently talked about H last weekend and she mentioned that she 'forgets I have it' but immediately becomes less affectionate after our conversations about it. I understand her reservations and concerns, but I don't know if I should just refrain from making any moves and keep things platonic until she's comfortable (or we end up in the same city or a relationship or something) or accept that maybe this isn't something she'll ever come around to being okay with. Her actions (visiting, other romantic gestures) are really confusing me.

 

I hope that wasn't too complicated. Basically she's visiting this weekend, this will be our second weekend together, and I'm not sure if I should even try to kiss her or just be friendly. I don't want to make her uncomfortable again or assume that she'll ever be okay with me having H. She's also mildly paranoid about her health in general and has never had any STIs. I work in health, but it seems like she isn't convinced what I'm telling her is valid. No matter how small the risk is, it's big enough to her at this time. Maybe I should exercise my patience muscle a little more, but I don't want to her hurt. Thoughts?

 

~B

[Bambina3]

You have mentioned it twice...I'd move forward like you didn't even have h because you have already dealt with the issue in this relationship....if she stops it again, she does.

[HikingGirl]

My thoughts are that if you still get mixed messages this weekend, she's not interested *enough* to look beyond your status. You deserve to be with someone that makes it crystal clear they want to be with you. {{hugs}}