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HI-Just joined this morning-My story

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First off, I'd like to say reading this blog has helped me some, so thank you for providing this resource.


I met someone I really was interested in & started dating him this past January, he returned my affections. We had sex after a couple of weeks, we both felt we were in love. He kept asking me to move so I did. The very first week I moved in he asked me if I'd dated someone of another race than we were. I said yes, I had been engaged years ago with him. He totally rejected me & wanted me to move out the first day of being moved in. After a couple of weeks he changed his mind & let me stay. It emotionally stressed me out so much that weeks later I had an outbreak.


I told him that I couldn't have sex with him because of it. He asked me why I hadn't told him I had H before now. You may find this hard to believe but it never entered my mind to remember I had it, I was so caught up in how much in love we seemed to be.


I had an emotionally stressful period of time about 5-6 years ago when I had a primary outbreak, went to the doctor & H was confirmed. Took medication & it went away (Doc never told me there was a preventative medicine I could take every day if I needed to). I just googled about it to try & learn how to deal with the situation). Think I received it from a boyfriend who told me he had it when I was in my twenties now I am 49. I never had another problem with it, I haven't dated in the last few years but not because of H. I thought as long as we didn't engage in sex during the OB the odds were that he wouldn't get it. I received medication & we waited for about 4 weeks before having sex. I thought since I told him about it that he just was cool about the whole thing.


About a week & a half ago I noticed a red raw looking area on the tip of his penis & asked him how it got there. He said his new jeans zipper must have chafed it while he was cutting the grass. I asked if there was burning, itching, pain or tingling. He said no. And he still says no. I said go to the doctor to get it checked out because I was scared I gave him herpes. He still hasn't gone but he has been becoming more & more distant with me everyday. Last night he asked if I had any more pills left (I had 2 I didn't take) he asked me for them. He said it still hadn't gone away & thinks he has it. He told me he wants me to move out. When I asked him this morning wasn't he going to the doctor to confirm it before he decided to ruin our relationship, he said he didn't know when he'd get time because of work.


Of course, I am devastated: 1. because it will probably be from me. 2. because he said he loved me & we were planning on being with each other for long term.


When I asked why are you now acting so much more concerned then you did when I explained what I had after my outbreak. By the way we didn't have sex for a least 2 days before I noticed the tingling on my butt so I had hoped we managed to avoid him being in contact with me. He said, "he didn't think he would get it."


When I asked well if you have it then wouldn't it be better to be together & deal with this than for you to go find another woman who may or may not have it? I told him the statistics that 1 in 4 woman have it whether they know it or not. He seems angry & doesn't seem to want to even consider staying together. I know I should tried to learn more about the transmission of this infection, I acknowledge I am at fault. We really seemed to have a good thing going. You can count on the fact I'll never forget I have it again. Heart is broken & at a loss of how to make it right again. I suppose I just needed to get this off my chest, I feel like I might explode with all the emotions & guilt I feel. Thanks for allowing me to post.

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Hi Rene,

Thanks for sharing your story so honestly. That was a brave thing to do. I know for the first several years I had a lot of confusion around herpes and transmission and just accepting it in general.


The best thing I think you can do for this man is give him space. Try to remember how you felt when you first contracted herpes it was scary and most people want someone to blame. I think for your hearts sake, taking a break from this guy would be good. He knows you are there for support and when he needs it, you should trust him to come to you. If he doesn't than he isn't the one.


I hope things get better for you...



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That sounds like sound advice Jessiw, thanks. I have been thinking of how I felt so I do know I need to help him understand how to deal with his situation. I've found several good articles here to share with him, plus I'm learning more about this myself. My doctor years ago didn't counsel me much than to just tell me not to have sex when I had an OB.

I guess for the last few years since it seemed to be a non-issue with me, I just haven't thought about it nor kept up with researching about it because nothing every happened to me to make me think of it. Out of sight out of mind seems to have been my problem.

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I know exactly how you feel! When I started joining online chats people were asking me if I had HSV 1 or 2. I was confused, I just had herpes...my doctor didn't explain that part to me. She answered three questions for me: Can I still have children, Will my children get it and she told me to use protection. That was it. So I know how you feel, having to get your answers online.


It was a non-issue for me too, especially when I was in a relationship. We took precautions but I didn't really do any extra research to understand it. It was just too scary!


It's good he has someone to help him through it!

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I saw on the video listed @ the top of the page that apparently many doctors aren't a wealth of information. This skin condition seems to be quite common from what I've read so why wouldn't they counsel people more? I know they have many people to see but why leave people so uninformed? It has become obvious to me that it is important to take the initiative & do the research for yourself. It has been good typing with you, thanks.

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That's why I'm trying to get these handouts into as many people as possible, Renee! ;)




And I'm currently in talks with Planned Parenthood about going to clinics and training their staff in a workshop setting. If anyone has any connections and they'd like to get me connected to more folks, please send me a private message!

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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