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What happens now?

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I’m a 22 year old female and here’s my story.

So, I just recently found out that I have herpes through my boyfriend yesterday. I got a STD test back in April and was happy that it came back negative since the last person I slept with was back in Jan and we ended things in Feb because I found out that he was sleeping around. It didn’t cross my mind to get tested until April when I realized that the guy I’m dating now (current boyfriend) were seemingly getting serious, we weren’t intimate up until that point, so I wanted to make sure that I was clean before we did. I took the test it was negative. We live in different cities and he has been the only one that I’ve slept with since I got tested. He recently flew into the city that I live (Phoenix) and we had unprotected sex for the first time. And the day after he left he started having burning and swelling down there, he got tested and they told him he has Herpes. I got tested yesterday and I’m waiting back on the results from my doctor.

I don’t know how to process this. A million and one questions are going through my head like how likely is it to take a test and have it show negative, but it’s really positive? And I don’t have children now, but when I do would I pass it to them by kissing them? The slow realization is settling in and I feel like my whole world is crashing down. My relationship is hanging on by a thread because he says he got it from me and I think he might have, I mean the reason why I ended things with the guy back in Feb was because I was scared I was going to catch something from him, but what if it was too late by then? My boyfriend told me yesterday that we were over and later on in the day I asked him and he said it’s because he’s upset and needs some time, but the only reason why I still have a small amount of hope is because he’s still picking up my call and talking to me. I’m just worried that if I lose him then I won’t be able to cope with this lifeterm ordeal. I’m worried that this feeling of despair I feel in my chest will never go away. I’d love to hear from others and their stories.

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Have you ever had any signs/symptoms of herpes?


How did he test positive for herpes? Was it by swab or blood test? If it was by swab with a negative blood test, it’s a recent infection. But if he tested positive by blood, then he’s had this for at least 4 months and it could very well be his first noticeable outbreak from a previous infection. When was the last time he was tested for herpes specifically prior to your relationship?


With you having a negative blood test yourself, he’s being very irrational by pointing the finger at you right now. It doesn’t sound likely to me that he caught this from you.

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Glad to see you sticking around to help be a sympathetic ear / source of advice!



Seems like there are a few possibilities:

1. You could be an asymptomatic carrier.

2. He has positive titre for herpes antibodies, meaning he has been infected for at least 4-6 weeks or longer.

3. He swabbed positive, but didn't contract from you.


So these are all in the realm of possibility. However, the best way to handle things is to ask him the following:

"Did you get a Qtip swab that tested for positive cultures"

Yes would indicate only that he has an outbreak currently.

"Did you test positive for antibodies though a blood test?"

Yes would indicate you didn't transmit to him, he's had it for a while.

No would indicate that his infection is recent, but doesn't necessarily mean you have herpes.

"Have you ever tested positive for herpes before?"

Yes would indicate that he has had herpes since before he slept with you.


So it is possible that you in fact do have herpes, but the only way to know would be if you tested positive in either a swab culture or blood test.

You can have yourself retested in about 4-6 weeks and explain to your doctor that someone you slept with had an outbreak and relay their answers to your previous questions to the doctor to help them form a diagnosis.

A very low percentage of people are asymptomatic and test negative, but carry the virus. While it's rare, it does happen and the only way to diagnos it is for you to do a little bit of due diligence along side a doctor.


For now, avoid the instinct to put you life on hold at all. Keep doing the things you were going to do anyway.

Best advice is probably to abstain until you know for sure, but that's just one option. You could also disclose and use protection if you plan to get intimate with anyone else as another option.

Either way, do what you know is right. Get these questions nailed down clinically. And keep being who you have always been!

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So, it’s been a long week and so much has happened. I feel like I have to at least let everyone that’s been helping me know what’s going on and how much I appreciate every response. I recently went out to visit my boyfriend and we went to a different doctor that told us we do not have herpes. He was misdiagnosed. The first doctor said that he had herpes based off a visual look and because he was having discharge. I had a feeling in my heart that we were because neither one of us showed any signs or symptoms of herpes at all. He initially went to the doctor because he was having discharge and it was painful when he urinated. What it actually was gonorrhea and we both got treated for it. Got the shot and also the antibiotics for it. After finish the dosage all symptoms have gone away. Strangely we still don’t know where we contacted if from because we were both tested and it came back negative and neither one of us has apparently not cheated, but that’s a minor problem to all of this.

I still don’t know how to feel. Saying that I feel happy and just so glad that it was a misdiagnose feels so selfish because of the tremendous help that I’ve gotten from everyone on here. But I can say that I feel relieved and feel like this is such a wonderful lesson to learn that you can never be too careful.

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