Dating... I feel like a leper

[Christopher C]

Yeah so I picked up HSV-1 from a cheating ex girlfriend about 6 months ago and nobody wants to be with me now and frankly I don't blame them... I'll never be with somebody without disclosing I would never ever ever do that to somebody... So what do I do now... I'm a 50 year old man and my days are numbered... I still sometimes forget that I have it but then the reality always comes creeping back in... IDK and frankly I'm tired of thinking about it but it's a fact of life now...

 

Your thoughts???

[New2GH]

Hi @Christopher C, First off kudos to you for doing the right thing and disclosing your status even if it may be detrimental to your love/sex life.  Sounds naive of me to say but I can't believe that others don't disclose!  Super unethical IMO.  Many people are in this mess because someone didn't disclose.  Oh well, what goes around comes around right?!  But hey, I have HSV-1 as well, so at least now we can protect ourselves from caching HSV-2 right?  Plus there's other bugs we can catch that we definitely don't want to have anything to do with!  Anyhow, you seem like a good guy so perhaps the right lady will come along for you!  You never know.  Oh and sorry about the cheating ex, which is also a big problem.  So many people cheat and they need to understand that by doing so they can ruin lives and mess with others' health.  Cheating is a real common scenario in many of the stories I read on this and other forums.  Horrible!  But you are on the right track man!  

[Christopher C]

Preciate the encouragement...ty 😀

[Ishmael]

Hey Chris, a couple things to consider:

1.) Have you tried herpes dating websites where you can get matched with a partner that already has your STI or doesn't care about it? That's not to say that you need to exclusively date people with herpes, but it could be a good way to get back into the swing of things in the short term.. and who knows? Maybe you'll meet "the one" there.

2.) You said "nobody" wants you, but dude, you don't know that. Nobody means nobody and that's not the case. Have you disclosed and been rejected a few times? To be honest, that's going to happen; not everyone is going to be comfortable with this. But literally millions of people have been diagnosed with herpes and have gone on to find love. Millions. That's not something I made up, that's the reality of the situation re: how common this condition is. There is no reason that you can't as well.

You might want to consider how you're breaking the news and how well you know the people you are disclosing to. For instance, are you acting ashamed or embarrassed when you tell them? Are you acting like you expect them to be grossed out? If you give off that kind of vibe, people won't listen to what comes after, they're just going to see that you're upset and ashamed (when you shouldn't be). Look, I don't know you, or how you go about disclosing, but if you believe that you're going to get rejected (or that you should be rejected) you are setting yourself up to be rejected. If you want tips on how to have that kind of conversation, there is a lot of info online and at this website.