How do I have symptoms and partner doesn't

[Sunflower37]

Hi, I started with symptoms of herpes on Sunday and although not yet had a positive test I feel broken at the thought. My husband and my partner both have absolutely no symptoms at all. Yes I sleep with both my husband and my boyfriend in a relationship dynamic not the norm but don't want judgement for that as we are 3 consenting adults who know our circle works.

They have no signs of the virus and I have only slept with 3 people in my life unprotected and I'm 37. The other was my ex husband. I feel I have been responsible an not had one night stands or anything but still in this position.

I know I'll probably never know for sure but some sites say you show symptoms 2 to 21 days others it can be dormant for years. We're all getting tested this week but not sure why I'm the only one showing signs of it. Is it because my immune system isn't as great?

I have lupus so know one reason for blisters can be lupus too so not ruling that out either but feel distraught and not sure where to turn for true answers. It feels like the more I Google herpes the more confused I become.

Any advice welcome.

[Ishmael]

Hi sunflower, sorry to hear about your predicament. Assuming you are HSV positive, here are a number of possible scenarios. It might be that you got herpes from your previous partner and simply haven't passed it on to your husband or boyfriend yet. People can be in relationships for years and years without passing it on, even if they aren't using condoms or antivirals. More likely, you are symptomatic and either one of both of them are asymptomatic or have such mild symptoms that they didn't think that they were experiencing was herpes. 

Typically, yes, you show symptoms from 2 days to several weeks of infection. However, some people have a very mild outbreak and think nothing of it or don't notice it. Then, years later, when they are stressed, or sick, coming out of surgery, or even just getting older, they will experience a more noticeable outbreak because their immune system isn't what it normally is. That's what people actually mean when they say the virus is "dormant". So people have their "first" noticeable outbreak like a decade after getting it. Caveat: I am not a medical professional and everything I am saying here is stuff I've read myself online, not in a classroom.

It sounds like you might not even have this though, so I'd get to a doc and get tested. In the event that you are positive, there is a LOT of helpful information at this website for you. I'm also going to post another couple links in another post, but it will be hidden until a moderator approves it, so it might not appear for a few hours.

If you do test positive and are feeling anxious/upset, please come back and talk to us. There are a lot of people here who can help you and answer questions.

[Ishmael]

Here are some links that might prove helpful: 

https://hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-101/

and

http://www.annathemag.com/home/2016/7/7/herpes-you-probably-already-have-it-and-its-no-big-deal