HSV1: Disclosing Location

[22&Depressed]

Backstory: I got diagnosed with GHSV1 in August after a very mild outbreak (3 bumps, no pain, no tingling, no itching, no sickness, etc.). I have not had a recurrent outbreak since.

Now that I am thinking about dating again, I am having a moral dilemma. I believe in disclosing you carry the virus. Whether it’s oral or genital, you are putting somewhat at a potential risk so ALWAYS disclose that you test positive for HSV.

What I am on the fence about is disclosing *where* I get (got, as of now I don’t know if it’ll ever come back) the virus. At the end of the day, people who have it orally are putting others at WAY greater of a risk.

I was recently speaking to a new guy and I told him I carry the HSV1 virus. He did not care at all as most people who say that and think of cold sores don’t make a big deal of it. To me, that is disclosing. I told them I have HSV1 and to look it up. They should be more cautious if I were to have it orally as that is 99/100 times the risk for transmission. They are assuming the risk if they accept it regardless of the location it manifests when I’m putting them at less of a risk than the 80% of the world carrying it orally who do or don’t know they even have it.

What are your thoughts on disclosing you have HSV1 but not disclosing where?

NOTE: I don’t feel like being flamed for this. I want to hear from others who have GHSV1 and what they think about this and what their policy on disclosure is.

Also, please don’t say “if it’s not as big of a risk having it genitally, why don’t you just tell them where it is”. Unfortunately, most people are ignorant and just don’t understand these things unless you live through it.

 

[Amando]

Hi 22&Depressed

I do think you should disclose where you get it, as you are right, some people think its not much of a problem orally.
Ironically as your face is always on show, I kind of think its worse but its the stigma & a genital taboo thing.
When I mentioned to the girl that rejected me, that you wouldn't walk away from someone for having cold sores,
she said "that's not quite the same is it?" I tried to explain but never got anywhere, for lack of education on the subject.

As you said though, you could also tell them it is harder to pass from where you get it & that you have only ever had one outbreak.

The way I look at it is the more people being educated about this virus, the lesser the stigma, which is going to be good for us all.

Good luck, whatever you chose to do 😉

[Elle27]

Its up to you how you handle the situation, like Amando said, I feel like it builds trust and is important to provide the facts and information so that someone else can make an informed decision about their own health. Most people are ignorant to the facts of herpes- I know I was until about a month ago... it feels like deceit if you are insinuating that you get cold sores. If this person cares about you enough to see past this you know that it’s the right situation to be in. How would you feel if you didn’t know the facts about herpes and someone disclosed to you in this manner? Not judging just asking you to consider the other side of things. 

 

 

[22&Depressed]

@Amando @Elle27 thats the problem! They wouldn't walk away from someone who has cold sores and its the same thing but actually LESS of a risk. Its like they'd actually be significantly more at risk if I did have them orally...I just feel like if you have HSV1, you have HSV1. Its one virus. The fact that a certain location can throw people off is boggling. About letting someone decide for their own health, I totally agree and thats why I said Im 100% about telling people I carry the HSV1 virus. They can make their decision from there. But alas, its still a dilemma 

[New2GH]

@22&Depressed What if they bring it up later though?  I mean, if they do their homework about HSV1 after you tell them, it would only be a matter of time before they ask you to clarify whether it is oral or genital.  And then what?  Even if it would not have been a big deal to them from the beginning that the HSV1 was genital (had you told them) you run the risk of them scramming because of trust issues instead. And if they happen to never bring it up, you will have that lingering thought in the back of your mind that you withheld some information from them.  Do you really want to be with someone with that in the back of your mind??  

[22&Depressed]

@New2GH or just saying you haven't really experienced anything yet anywhere