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Recently diagnosed with herpes, dating someone new. I have no idea what I'm doing!

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I was only diagnosed 3 months ago and I am new to this forum. I haven't been in a situation (until now) where I needed to disclose this information. However I recently started dating someone who I like very much. We went out on a date two night ago where we had several drinks. We didn't have sex, but he was touching me, and possibly himself after (this feels weird to talk about). I was very clear about not being ready to have sex, and hands were the only body parts to make contact. I really felt like I was being safe at the time, but now looking back I regret having done this before telling him that I have this virus. I just didn't have the hindsight to know what is normal or safe for me now. Afterwards I did research online about the possibility of passing this via touch. I have never had an external outbreak (internal I don't know), but I was reading about how viral shedding can cause transmission through touch. I'm really nervous that maybe I gave it to him, and I don't know what to do. I haven't gotten in touch with him since yesterday morning because I know that if I do and we end up hanging out I will have to tell him. I don't want to push him away because I'm afraid, but I don't want him to think I was just being careless. I truly didn't know what to do. Avoidance seems like the easiest option, but I also know that it's not going to help me to move forward in my life.



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Don't panic. Do tell him. I hope others chime in. I have OCD so I always think I'm contaminating someone with something so you can't go by me. In fact, my psychiatrist just upped my meds because I was obsessing. I do know that Adrial has something on here about transmittal that you should look at. It might make you feel better.

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I think the chances of spreading it without genital to genial contact are really low because the virus only lives for like seconds in the air (just like how it's hard to spread on your own body through touch!) but there's also always a tiny risk. I would just be honest with the guy and tell him that's why you wanted to wait to go further. Best of luck

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