I'm afraid to break up with my boyfriend because I'm afraid of having to disclose to someone else. Help?

[monolaurinismyfriend]

Hi. I have genital HSV1. I had my first outbreak in early 2016, and then didn't get my second outbreak until 2 and a half years later (this past July). Thinking I would never get it again because it's genital HSV1, the shock and shame I felt was so intense. When I had the 2nd outbreak I happened to have just started dating this amazing guy who I'm still with now. When I disclosed to him, he was so kind about it and really calmed my nerves and shame. He takes supplements that I give him to helpfully help his immune system, and as far as we know (knock on wood) he hasn't gotten it yet, hopefully.

Anyway, for other reasons, I feel like I want to break up with him. But every time I think about breaking up with him, I remember how nice he was about my OB and how not a lot of people are. I used to not tell people because I figured it wouldn't happen again being HSV1 and if we were safe it was fine (not the right mindset I know), so I wasn't worried about being on the dating scene before my 2nd OB. But now that I had my 2nd OB I'm terrified to date again and have to disclose AGAIN and possibly be rejected. 

 

Has anyone been in a similar experience?

[Amando]

Hi

If your not happy in the relationship with your boyfriend, you should not stay in it because he was so nice & understanding when you disclosed or your scared of getting rejection from someone new.
Also it is not fair on him, if your not feeling it anymore.

It is possible to get rejected for other things when dating not just for disclosing,
So if your not happy, get back out there, you may get a rejection along the way but you also may find Mr Perfect! 😉

 

[Johan_glans]

You will be rejected unless you are older or really hot. It's just the harsh reality of having herpes and disclosing. Where I live doctors tell us not to disclose because the actual risk of transmission is really so low if you use protection. 

The reality of dating with disclosing herpes is that most people will reject you unless you somehow wait long enough for them to develop deep feeling for you without having sex and then you disclose. But the fact is people are so freaked out about STDs that people with STDs even harmless ones like herpes are viewed like lepers by others and sadly by themselves. 

Having said that you should leave your boyfriend if you are not happy but don't fool yourself into thinking it will be easy for you to date especially if you choose to be upfront about your herpes, cause it won't. Unless you are super hot or a celebrity or really rich. I'm not trying to be mean but realistic. Good luck though!

[TequilaGirl]

Hi @monolaurinismyfriend i totally understand you. I was feeling the same way you described. And i'm gonna tell you that 4 days ago I broke up with my bf, my first time EVER and of course my giver. I broke up with him for another reasons and let me tell you that I feel so much better. I would be lying if I tell you that i'm not worried about dating or if I would find a couple in the future but what calms me down it's to have my mind focused on another things to improve on myself than dating or wondering if someone would love me knowing that I have this condition... The time would say! And my advice would be that if you are no longer happy or whatever reason you are thinking in break up with him do it! And date yourself and make yourself happy 🙂

 

Good vibes! 

[TequilaGirl]

Also I know that staying with him it's a comfort zone and it's scary to get out of it... but hey! maybe life has something better for us out of the comfort zone! 😉