A little lost

[Lost4ever43]

I am feeling lost , anxious , embarrassed, guilty ... the list goes on.  I was diagnosed with HSV 1 genitally about 15 plus years ago.  It was difficult to come to terms with over time , but I began to realize it wasn’t such a big deal , I had one very mild outbreak and nothing after that .  Well , here is where all of the awful feelings come in ... I started dating again after a long term relationship broke up .  It took me awhile to even want to date , let alone have sex again .  Well, that led to a recent HSV 2 diagnosis.  What makes this a million times worse is that I have finally met someone that I truly care for , someone I can see spending my life with .  We have only been dating a month and it has been wonderful.  We haven’t had sex yet , thank goodness.  I was just getting myself prepared to have the HSV 1 talk with him ... now I’m absolutely devastated and scared to death .  Of course he’s not going to stick around, who would ?? I already suffer from depression & anxiety & I’m so scared that losing this potential relationship , the kind I’ve waited for my whole life , is going to throw me into another very dark place.  I feel like all I am is a walking STD... I have nobody to talk to about it , all I’ve done is sleep the last few days ... the last outbreak was not horrible , but I have no idea how my body will react now that I have both types in the same spot .  I can’t find research on that or anyone that has both genitally??  I talked with the nurse at my doctors office yesterday and she was comforting, but all she said when I asked if I was more contagious with both types is “not necessarily “... I have no idea what life is supposed to look like now.  I am having a difficult time just being around people because I feel disgusting & jealous that their lives are “normal” and mine is all about herpes.  Thank you for reading, it made me feel less alone for a minute to write it all out ...

[mstanya1234]

Hey I’m on this site to reach out to you email me at tanyamw2711@gmail.com I don’t really get on here! We can talk as much as possible 

[Amando]

Hi

I don't think you should ever feel embarrassed, disgusting  or guilty, you have done nothing wrong!

I know it is hard when you come out of a long relationship & start again but its just a matter of putting yourself out there & not giving up.
Most of us have been rejected before for other reasons by a potential partner before we had H, rejection hurts but is part of life.
I met someone I thought was special & she rejected me, it taught me that she was not that special after all 🙂.

I hope your guy sticks around because some people are truly amazing & can surprise you & if he stays,
it shows what a great guy you have found 😉

You are a fantastic human being, with or without H, don't let it define you, big hugs!