discordant couples success stories please?

[No More Tears D]

Hi all. Just need some advice and to hear some positive outlooks about this topic... 

What type do you have? 

Do you use antivirals? 

Condoms? 

No protection? 

How long have you and your partner been together?

Is your partner still HSV free?  

I have slept with someone about five times, twice with the intent of protection (condoms broke). I am on Valtrex. I have been taking it for the last year for frequent coldsores, so I have HSV 1 and 98% sure HSV 2, genitally. This guy has made it very clear he doesn’t want a relationship. Please no judgement here, as I’ve posted my story before but long story short, I’ve had conflicting blood tests in the past... so I’ve lived life like I don’t have HSV 2, until recently. About two days after our last sexual encounter, 8 days ago, I broke out with what I believe is my very first OB 😞 I haven’t heard from him... and every day that goes by, I wait for a text from him asking WTF?! Every day that goes by and I don’t hear from him, I can rest a little easier until I wake up with that same anxiety and do it all over again. Jumping to my phone every time it makes a noise saying “please God, don’t let it be him.” I definitely will not be seeing him anymore and especially sleeping with him. I go to the gyno on Monday as symptoms are still obvious. Idk what to do. Ghost him and hope for the best? Tell him? Wait for him to come to me and tell him then? As you all can see, this anxiety, depression, paranoia, guilt, shame and embarrassment is absolutely eating my alive. I have never been so scared and so worried about anything, and I’m talking about transmission to this guy. 

Do you think there could be a good chance that he is okay and I didn’t pass this on to him? I’m praying that no signs or symptoms plus antivirals are in his favor... I haven’t heard from him in regards to feeling unwell downstairs. Any and all advice and success stories would be highly  appreciated as I am a complete mess. 

 

Thanks again for the non judgment. I’m sick to my stomach thinking about hurting the unknowing. I never want anyone to feel how I am feeling now, this is torture in itself, and I’m not talking about the ob. 

[gracie]

Hey! Just wanted to let you know that this situation is not uncommon- reading your experience really resonated with me. I wanted to ask you, does he know you may have hsv-2 genitally? No shame if not disclosing, especially since it seems you’ve had very conflicting test results! It seems like part of what might be bothering you though is his reaction. It might help if you talked to him about it in an open, honest way? Although it would be a real bummer to loose him as an intimate partner, make sure you consider if you’d want him as a partner if he would react badly. Especially if he is someone who would shame you. That seems like unwanted stress! 

On on the flip side of things, what I meant about resonating with you- I was very much in a similar position partner-wise about two years ago. I had a male H- partner (I’m female and have Hsv2, genital) but take valtrex daily as well. He also didn’t want a relationship, we were casual for about 7 months and ended amicably due to unrelated reasons to hsv. I had an extreme outbreak with him, and one minor, and told him from the beginning what was going on. He had a blood&physical test done before we became intimate (to confirm he didn’t have it already), during- while we were apart for awhile and he wanted to see someone else, and after we split and never once had hsv1 or 2! 

Same regime for me, a few minor outbreaks here and there, a new monogamous partner of 3 years now and he has also not gotten hsv1 or 2, at least as of last January. Unprotected sex in both circumstances, agreed upon by all parties even with comprehensive info about hsv.  

So don't lose hope yet! But also make sure that your personal needs are being met (you’re with someone who will respect YOU, no matter what) and try to be as honest as possible. Good luck, and remember we’re always here for you. 

[Amando]

Hi There,

Just a thought! Have you ever questioned that maybe he had HSV-2 & that's why you had a first outbreak days after last time you had sex with him? its possible 🤔

I really don't think you should beat yourself up & worry about him, the fact that he hasn't contacted you since speaks volumes.
Personally I hate people Ghosting others as I think Ghosting's for wimps but in your case I think you should wait to him to come to you.

I have been in a relationship for 6 years (apart from a 9 month breakup period last year 😀)
I do not take suppressants & we do not use protection (her choice)
She gets yearly tests & is still negative although as we know, blood tests are not conclusive but obviously that's all we can go on.

Life is too short, I know its easier said than done but try not to worry so much, its just not worth the torment it will cause.

Best  of luck!

[No More Tears D]

@gracie no, he doesn’t know that I believe I have HSV 2 😞 I’ve been living in denial until this, what I believe is an OB... as much as I would love to believe what I am experiencing isn’t, it’s pretty hard to deny. 

 

Thank you so much for your kind words... it means a lot. And reading your success stories helps me greatly as well. I’m conflicted as to what I should do in regards to telling him. He wouldn’t take it the news lightly. He just got out of a three year relationship... he also is in my friend circle, and no body knows about my situation or status. Which is also why this has been so hard for me. We all work in a very social, and public eye, so if this gets out, I fear the worst.  I really am just praying for the best in terms of his health not being affected. I gusss only time will tell. Thanks again. 

[No More Tears D]

@Amando  hi there. Thank you for your reply. I’ve thought about this but I believe it’s highly unlikely as he just got out of a three year relationship, and I know his ex. 

That is what scares me the most. Our first unprotected sexual encounter was six weeks ago exactly. Two days after, he became very ill and was actually hospitalized due to extremely high fever and was diagnosed with strep. As far as I know, no symptoms of HSV. This is when I first came to this forum in a panic because for the first time in a long time, HSV came to mind. As he began to get better, and I still heard nothing about genital symptoms, the anxiety slowly subsided. Since then, we’ve had sex about four more times, and this last time, about ten days ago now, I broke out. We also used toys... which I’m hoping could be the culprit as to why I became irritated and caused an OB? Could that happen? Could the reason why I broke out is because he may certainly have it? Because if that’s the case, it’s most likely from me 😞 and not only does that seriously scares me, it makes me absolutely sick.

 

Reading your success story gives me hope. I’m still anxious and probably will continue to be. Unfortunately that’s just how I am.  

Thanks again.