I can’t stand the terms STD or STI...changing it up

[Jules1967]

So after my first disclosure and was accepted at first then rejected 2 months later, I gave thought to the terms that are frequently used...STD or STI.  The words disease and infection sound horrific.  I’ve since started using the term ST immunity.  I have disclosed to two other people, both of whom accepted it, one of which I knew it wasn’t going to be more than something casual and the second guy I’ve been seeing for about 4 months and going great.   My disclosure of ST immunity just went as “I have an immunity to HSV2 although it can be transferred to somebody who has no immunity to it, it’s something that I acquired 26 years ago and hasn’t defined who I am, blah, blah, blah.”  It seems the word immunity can be handled much more easily than the word disease or infection. Just something to think about 😊

[annalove]

Interesting...I see how this works as you being “immune” to herpes has only occurred because you have already acquired it. I guess my only worry with this type of disclosure is that to me, it seems like a game of semantics. Using words like immunity might confuse them and lead to them not really understanding what you are telling them. It sounds like you’re being careful in explaining they can acquire HSV from you, that’s important and hopefully helps clear and question marks up.

Personally I've used “I was exposed to herpes and am now a carrier”. It allows me to explain without using those trigger words like STD or infected. 

[Jules1967]

I do go into detail as not to confuse them but I choose to leave the word disease or infection out because to me it makes it sound that you have constant blisters or something  (which, thank goodness I’m one of the lucky ones that don’t  get an outbreak but maybe every two years and even then it’s only on my thigh)

[Misstery2019]

I personally wouldn’t use the word immunity as that could be confusing. I would say “I have acquired a virus which causes cold sores down below/herpes”... that way you’re not using those heavily stigmatised words but are being clear. 

 

🙂

[tiredandlonely]

I definitely appreciate what you are trying to do. I have never used the terms STD/STI during a disclosure, and I don't think it is necessary, but I also think transparency and clarity are important, and using a term like immunity is not accurate. 

I have immunity to MMR and Hepatitis B because I received those vaccines. Those viruses do not live in my body and I cannot pass them along to someone else.

You can say that you have antibodies to HSV and you can explain that you carry the virus but it does not cause you issues. You can even say that you cannot catch it again, which is accurate. 

But, the herpes virus cannot be cleared from your body. While you can't catch more of a specific type, you are not vaccinated against it, the infection can be reactivated (even asymptomatically, with shedding), and you can pass it along to others. 

Again, I appreciate the intention behind this, but if someone said this to me as part of a disclosure, I would be distrustful of that person because I don't think this is a transparent way to describe a herpes infection. 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

I think your playing fast and loose with the truth there my friend. You are not immune, you have the disease, if anything you're an asymptomatic carrier and it's best for your sexual partners that you are straight up with them.

[Scout14]

I totally agree with "My Dog" -- Apparently my virus stayed dormant for YEARS until I got it last month. You ARE a carrier, and if I was a guy who caught it from  you I would feel completely lied to and duped. Think of others, and try dating men with the same? Be patient and love will happen.💌

[tiredandlonely]

2 hours ago, Scout14 said:

Think of others, and try dating men with the same? Be patient and love will happen.💌

I don't think anyone should limit their dating pool to only others with their type of HSV. 

I do agree that saying you have "immunity" to the virus is inaccurate and misleading. I do understand wanting to avoid using trigger words (like "infection" and "disease") but I think you can have a perfectly clear, transparent discussion with someone about the virus and the risks of transmission without using misleading language.

[Jules1967]

To everyone that has commented that I’m not being transparent is inaccurate. I’m very open to what I have, not hiding anything just don’t like the term disease or infection. That’s it....I would never hold back the truth about a virus I have and can transfer to somebody else.  I know somebody that has done that and to me it is disgraceful.  Everybody needs to be upfront about the situation at the appropriate time (before sex of course). I think my initial statement has been taken out of context.  I didn’t mean for this to be misleading by any means 

[annalove]

@Jules1967 I think we all empathize with your feelings behind not wanting to use the terms disease and infection. Shit none of us want to think of ourselves or to have other feel as though we are a walking infection. That being said I agree that “immunity” isn’t the right word. There are other ways to accurately describe being HSV positive that don’t include those trigger words. 

Also just want to to comment on your statement that you don’t like to use infection or disease because it makes it sound like you are a “walking blister”. While it’s great you don’t have outbreaks very often, I do hope you understand and have come to terms with the fact that you could realistically at any point expose someone, and therefore we all are to some extent walking blisters lol.  We should all know about viral shedding and no medication will ever give you 100% certainly that the virus is dormant. You stated you educate your partners on the facts about being herpes positive, but your aversion to using words like infection and disease worries me that maybe you yourself haven’t fully comes to terms with the reality of what it means to be HSV positive. While our gut reaction is always to downplay and protect ourselves, it’s important to state the facts as accurately and clearly as possible.