Iamme34

<3

Omg I would be lost with out this kind of support... I thank god for adrial and the love I get on this site..:0) sometimes I'm speechless when I read posts<3

U are truly an amazing person... I often thought about just telling everyone.... Although only recently diagnosed n stressed as hell... I find real comfort in the fact that hopefully many people will get real knowledge about risks n in the hopes of having better deeper connections..:0) love you xoxoxoxo

Thank you aerial2013 reading along u are right, sometimes other peoples perspectives shed a lil light into our own.. "I don't ever have to be alone unless I choose to be" I guess sometimes i let this skin condition control alil to much of my emotions... N I let it become me... Adrial has me thinking alil deeper in who I am... As a whole n not this disease... <3

Thank you adrial for knocking alil sense in my head... I've been on a rough road as I think we all do... For awhile the road was smooth, and from time to time it gets real bumpy... As I read ur post I felt tears role down my face for thinking so poorly of myself... It's been so difficult for me, n sometimes a lil release and a hand is sometimes all I need... Thank u for that.. And as much as I know I have special qualities about who I am, sometimes my head and my heart aren't on the same page... I recently disclosed to someone I loved and even though I know it wasn't because of herpes my mind told me it was.. When truly I knew he didn't love me Ina way I needed him to... But rejection had me thinking I wasn't enough n then on top of it put risking his health with it... I have used my skin condition as a filter, just haven't found anyone to trust yet.. And at times does seem impossible... At times... When adrial said woah woah woah I felt this feeling like I was being scolded... lol n it came into perspective... Equanimous thank you for letting me know from time to time it happens and there is a huge light to be seen, in myself and in others - *heart* - huge hugs to you Wcsdancer2010 I take great care of myself and when doing so I put a great deal of stress on myself.. Believing that no one would think I'm worth the risk.. It probably has a lot more to do with me and my skin condition.... I realize I get very unnoticed outbreaks n I go thru this type of ordeal everytime... It hits the soul for me.. N i really appreciate you telling me some of ur life to make me realize people will love me for me, I just pray that when I go thru this again, I do my best to remember... That I should use this as a filter more often than a wall...:0) thank u for the love and support.. I really don't know what I would do without this forum... As much as this site helps me thru all if this, in my town I feel so alone.. Like I'm the only one... So xoxox xoxoxox to all of you!!!

Almost ten months into this, but didn't really find out until August... Diagnosed with hsv2.... I've been Ina a slump since.. At first I was mad n angry, then sad and depressed.. Now I'm Ina tug of war with myself.. I've read about my SKIN CONDITION.. I have a lot if the facts stored away for that moment I need to disclose, but that's the part I'm having trouble with.. I am afraid to even date... Not because of what I have but because of what other people think of it.. The stigma of the condition... As I've been thinking I've put myself in someone else's shoes thinking if I really started to have a great connection with someone n they disclosed.. Which let's be honest I've never had anyone disclose to me which it's hard to believe I haven't come into contact with it before.. But if they did, n I thought that relationship could possible be the one, I'd embrace it n take the risk.. But this is me talking... Then I immediately put myself back in my shoes n wonder why or when someone will except me for me... I'm not Ina a rush to find it or even looking... But I often wonder are there people who would.? Or would it be easier dating someone who has it already? I haven't had anyone I connected with n I'm starting to think that either I'm burning my bridge before I have the chance to disclose, or maybe now the meaningful relationships are harder to find... I'm just really scared n feel really alone.. I'm wondering if there is really any hope to find that one who thinks I am worth that risk...:0(

Thank you adrial, and I thought about it.. N yes maybe I do care about this person more than I do myself.. I think in my mind I knew he wasn't going to react well about it... Is it wrong to say that I am unsure on how to love myself? Guess it's been so long since I've focused on me... But I'll be honest I am not sure how to do that.. Lol it may seem silly, but since diagnosed I find it very hard for someone to except me.. And maybe even before the h came along... I think ur plan is exactly what I need to do, Just unsure on how to get there... :(

I was rejected from a guy I previously dated... He was Wanting to work things out.. Now not so much... We were getting close to being intamatr again, so I knew I needed to disclose.. I'm sorry to hear about ur situation.. It seems like even when u think love is strong enough... It isn't.. How is there any hope then when we start to date?

It is very hard to see anything right now but rejection.. Honestly I feel like no one in this world would sign up for it.. Even if there chances are slim n with me being cautious, It still leads me to believe there is anyone who will love me enough... I guess like u said until we feel we are worth it.. We will battle with it.. I guess even with out it we all have our doubts... As much as it doesn't bother me having it... I'm still the same person.. People are afraid, even though every single one of us take risks everyday!!!!

I've been beating myself up for days now, after I disclosed.. The thoughts of me not being better than this virus that no one would love me enough to take the risk... My heart is so big.. Why can't anyone look inside instead of judging and passing me off because of this gift I have... Is it fair to say that I'm better off until I find someone who thinks I'm worth all that... N will there ever be someone who sees me for me and not my virus... So as I was wallowing n feeling really bad about myself n my condition.. I came across a song that lifted my spirits.. Knowing I've been really depressed I find my serenity in music and this song brought me to tears!!! Because this love I'm waiting for, the love that's worth all of me.. I will save until the right person loves me unconditionally... The song is called unconditionally by Katy perry!!! Not that music is everyone's release but it helped me tremendously today as I beat myself up thru this rejection... Still putting myself thru a hard time... Wish there was an answer or someone to point me in the right direction but until then, music is my peace!!!

Thank you very much... I to disclosed.. Mine didn't turn out so well... I truly feel if they care and love you, they will except u and this gift... Because love is something worth never letting go.. Unfortunately I'm going to assume he didn't feel the same way... I'm hoping I don't regress after all this progress I thought I have overcome...

I was so happy to see this post being I just disclosed.. N realized the relationship that I thought that was trusting n honest began a sudden turn after disclosure... I am assuming he doesn't fit, n doesn't want me.. Which is a real bummer right now.. Because now I trusted this person with this info... Hoping he doesn't spill out my personal business... As much as I loved him to do and go thru whatever he needed I feel he doesn't feel the same..:0( I will try not to get into a slump on this one... Although this post helps<3

Thank you so much for sharing.. It gives me hope...:0)

I have been seeing someone for about a month.. We've definitely gotten close to being intimate although we didn't get that far.... because he is an ex of mine who I fell inlove with a long time ago.. But now I feel I am different because of my skin condition n actually how I received h... I am scared to disclose but know I have to... Not only for him, but for me... To care about someone more than I do about myself... The only thing is, is we talked about the past n he said I know we say awful things when we break up with someone we love to make us feel better.. N I got a lump in my throat thinking if I disclose, will he run his mouth if we don't work out... I guess i can say I don't know if I trust to tell him yet... So should I wait to say anything n hold off on being physical..??? I am so confused and scared...:0( I don't mind if he rejects me... For I've been rejected for other things... I'm just scared I can't trust him with this precious thing about me... I would initially wait for being physical, but this guy to me is in my heart... N as I am ready to fool around and get close again... I am scared that he's not ready to treat this topic with sensitivity, and compassion... Please any advice would help :0(

Yes I am... N any kind of therapy is good... Just to let it out to help heal or begin to... It is a very rough thing I go thru everyday... But everything is a process:0) this one will be the best one to conquer...:0) we never know what's next until we keep moving forward.... So just keep moving... N be strong....

I understand completely what u are going thru, because I myself contracted h thru being raped.... It's an awful feeling because u go thru a lot of depression with being assaulted n then on top of it all to find out u got an awful skin condition... Talking to ur therapist is the best way to go honestly... I've been seeing mine for over two months n it helps getting thru the initial beat down of how we look at ourselves n our reactions.... It took a very long time for me to stop beating myself up about it.. N honestly it goes thru my head very often.. But all u need is love and support from people who really care n can understand what u are going thru... My therapist told me that I am who I am now, with memories of being violated... N it will always be me but to heal from it n moveing on out of self distruction will be a dream come true.. As much as u will have triggers here n there please remember you are a strong person n faith is stronger.. If u need anything please let me know...:0) I'm here for love and support thru good and bad..:0)

As I got this notice that u opened up n as vulnerable as we all are when we do, I felt the same feeling creeping in that u mentioned... I have those very often even before I had h... N even worse now since being diagnosed... Of the not being wanted or good enough... I realized that there are people out there although I haven't found one yet, but there are people out there that want to be around us.. Even if we r thinking there aren't... But what I love about this post is that even though u said maybe u weren't good enough, that I sit here saying shit!!! YES YOU ARE!!! N other than being in this sight I don't know you... But I find u inspirational.... U have given me hope, n answers to the best of ur knowledge n compassion n sincerity!!! That is enough for me atleast.. Because in this world that I know... People judge n are pretty ruthless to others!!! Not that u need me to tell you how great u are... But I feel the same as not being enough, n sometimes we need to see that other people go thru the Ins and outs of being and feeling unwanted.. For many reasons besides h... Thank u for posting because like I've mentioned, I needed alil inspiration...:0) xoxoxo have fun on the dance floor:0)

I actually think what ur doing is great.. Ur letting her know u support her with any decision she makes.. It's definitely a hard thing to get by, having h and all.. U go in and out of things with it.. Lord knows I do.. Just keep supporting her n let her know u care about her n let the chips fall where they may.. If u are meant to be, it'll all come together... Like I said before sometimes it's hard to really see someone who will except this.. As I fight myself everyday with it.. But show her that it's not a big deal because of how u feel about her.. Keep doing what ur doing cuz to me u sound like a great guy..:0) good luck n thank u for being one of the great guys out there.... It actually helps me to know that for some people if they care about u, will except it... Thank u

You are beautiful inside and out.. Uve given me some reassurance about myself tonight... As much as I fight it to love myself thru these hard times.. Ur right, There's always the next time I open my eyes....<3 I love ur inspiration... Thank u for ur lots of love... Xoxox u made my spirits fly tonight...☺️

U know one who would take the risk I mean...<3

Thank you so much for your advice n support.. I can tell you this, I didn't have a choice either.. Unfortunately I didn't even have the choice to have sex if u catch my drift... As much as I went thru the pain of being assaulted I had to reap the aftermath of this d*rtb*g also.. It was hard to handle n I realize this is ultimately the worst it's been for me.. But by the grace of god I have found supportive people on this site that actually sometimes makes me feel we r one Ina million type people.. We r strong because we take the time to learn our bodies more carefully to protect the ones we love.. N we disclose which is such a strong characteristic to have.. Cause as we know people are out there passing it with no intentions of keeping people safe... So as to keeping my partner safe, which btw I don't have one yet.. I think in my head I'm still going to worry.. I've kinda got a lead on when I do get outbreaks which is a few here n there... N when I do be come intimate I guess antiviral n protection is gonna be the only safe way to go.. Not that I wanna use medication.. I wonder the longer u go with the virus, is it harder to pass it???? I guess I'll hAve to review my options when I believe I am ready..lord knows when someone will actually wannA risk it.. See there's the worry again.. Keep saying what adrial says... Worry empties tomorrow's strength!!!! :0) I truly believe there's gotta be people out there that love someone more than this virus....

Everyone on here is here to support you and be here for you... Orngpeelmafia is right... It's something we all go thru... The worries n frustration of this thing that's happened to us... Stay strong n be positive... <3

Thank you adrial, it's so hard to not worry.. I've always been the type to worry about things ahead.. N everyone always say deal with today because today is upon us.. And as much as I get it n I start to do that, I worry about finding someone who will except me... Suppressive therapy is great when ur ok with taking medication.. Me not so much.. I want to protect the person I decide to be with but there's no guarantee it will n it scares me that if by chance I do, I have to live with that... I'd feel probably worse then keeping myself abstinent... See I can't help but worry.. It just must be because I'm trying to process all of this... N on top of it.. Seen my doctor n he had no advice on wether I should take medication or not.. So no help there... I realize I am creating my own issues here.. N putting myself in a bad place.. I am ok with what I have n will need to love me m understand me now a lil differently n hopefully everything else will fall into place... N I love the last part u wrote.. If I tell myself that, I think in my tomorrow's it'll be alil brighter... Thank u adrial... I will try to go alil easy on myself <3

I understand she was trying to be a great mom... lol n love her for that... I'm just confused on the whole suppressive therapy stuff.... If I don't have painful outbreaks, Or a lot of them, does it really seem necessary... The only benefit it would give me is to make it less likely to pass it on... Is there any other way? I know when I have outbreaks coming it's the shedding that scares me..:0( I seem so helpless in being able to be intamate with this... Totally depressed at the fact:0( thank u so much for all the support and advice.... It's nice to have someone to vent n talk to:0)

So happy u told us this story... This is my point with relationships these days... Everyone is so quick to sleep with someone without really knowing the person... I'm sure this happens a lot even without having something n people give in.. Thank u for standing ur ground... He should of felt like u were something special, because u are.... <3