seeker

ok, ok. ive been showered with roses so ill stay but I may not be on as much. gotta get out of the house or just away from herpes on occasion ( Ok that last part sounded odd). been making use of my local library to read and not health related books. lose yourself in a story books. adrial I listened to about 1/2 of your for men talk. good stuff so far. I drank beer and ate chili just to improve upon the manliness. ill listen to the next half scratching myself and passing gas.

thanks all, still thinking. @dancer, no none of yours were the offending posts, ive always enjoyed our discourse, even if we don't agree. If/when you ever get to Clearwater im gonna have a drink with you and I will even let you buy!.

first off, id like to thank everyone who has helped me in this, I am in a far better place with having HSV2 now than when I first came to this forum. I have enjoyed the banter, the humor and yes even the little bit of flirting. However, lately I have seen somewhat angry replies that seemed more personally directed at me. yes im a man, im an older man at that. I have some thought on things that don't match the current trends in my culture. I trust people to be who they say they are and when they aren't I take it personally ( im odd in that I expect people to live up to their own press). I am opinionated, sometimes wrong sometimes right. I have found it cathartic to help others and that's what keeps me coming back. plus I do like a good, directed logical debate and dancer your good at that, hugs. But I don't know, I feel like lately I have to bite my tongue, that being a male on here puts me in the minority ( of which im fine) but not always in a good way. that I offend people by my mere presence sometimes or by my not always going along with a "if it makes you happy at this moment then fuck the world" mentality. I tend to call a spade a spade and that doesn't go over well a lot of the times. im just not sure.

congratulations, now please stay so im not the only guy here regularly. gets on knees.

Frenchman, I too worried that I had OH for a bit. however in what may have been the first time in history, looking up stuff on google helped. it is usually only in 1 eye, acts a bit like conjunctivitis ( pink eye, now everyone start blinking) it was my allergies. I hope you don't have it. its my understanding that even water is pretty harsh to the herpes virus, let alone all the chlorine that's put into it. fyi chlorine kills a lot of stuff at a very low level ppb. if I remember once I was told a couple capfuls of bleach in a bucket is sufficient to kill most viruses and germs. outside those nerves and ganglion inside our bodies herpes is rather lacking in fortitude. and dancer said h1 meaning having it at its preferred sight, thus lessening the time from touch to transmission. think about it my friend, if you could, in a pool or tub touch your sore and touch another person and give them herpes, far more people would have it. then none of us would be here cause it would just be part of being human.

wow, calm down late comers. dancer and I have been having this conversation for a day or two and now the anger level just rose. Dancer, I said that in the other thread it was being portrayed as OK and in this one there was a link bashing men for doing the same thing. this inconsistency drives us guys crazy maybe I should just not add my $.02 to anything anymore, some people seem to get upset over my posts and I bring out the anger in others.

didn't have the time to fully post on the rant. Does this woman from the rant realize its a 2 way street? women aren't exactly clear about what they want. they will say they want certain things in a man yet go with one who is the exact opposite because the man with her desired qualities isn't brad pitt or have Donald trumps wallet or something else. realistic expectations might help, Roseanne barr isn't going to land brad pitt. nothing wrong with shooting for the stars but the moon might be more obtainable. also, did you know those dating sites contain women who only use them to get free meals and entertainment? yeppers. so why wouldn't the guy expect to weed out those by trying something on a first date? I could go on but don't want to hijack the thread, tho I guess the OP was discussing how hard it is to date in general. add H to the mix and it gets harder yet. Y&R not all men want sex right off the bat, or will press it if they do. sometimes talking helps. gotta understand what he is looking for. I think a lot of women see/hear what they want the man to want not what he says. the old " I can change him" mentality. funny thing is we were having the opposite conversation in another thread, about women wanting one night stands ( and I cant help but notice it was being painted as a good thing while in this thread there was man bashing for the exact same thing). so while you see it one way it can be perceived another. its that there are different people with different wants or expectations. the two just need to meet. maybe because im older, been through a fair amount of stuff IF I date its only one at a time and I want to see where it goes. I cant play that whole multiple women thing, gets too complicated and dramatic, hell one of you can be trying. @ dancer. im curious how you know they are better quality men? a profile and a message can be inflated. until actually meeting them and finding out if they are who they say they are and behave in ways that align with what they tell you its hard to tell. I hope they are and one turns into something great. ive had too many women turn out to be not who I thought they were based on what they told me about themselves.

re the rant, driving past a girls house 20 times gets you a restraining order nowadays. and no one says you HAVE to jump in the sack on the first date.

I hate living in a time where guys want sex before a relationship. um weren't we just having the opposite discussion in another thread? Y&R I understand where your at in some ways. part of me sometimes wants to say," ive got herpes and if you don't like it go F yourselves!" then I think, meh that's too much effort for not much gain. I don't know if I could be like dancer is, not yet anyway, only @ a month into this. ive got to figure out all the other crap in dealing with this, OBs, supplements, etc before I think of being an activist.

@ rumi. I didn't see you as defensive at all. I had to hurry my last response, hungry preteen gnawing on my leg. I hope I didn't come off as judgmental, I wasn't trying to be. I just have a hard time seeing how with this a one night stand mentality will work, the logistics elude me. 3-4 month latency for Herpes and HIV tests means unless you know they tested and then was celibate for those months then retested there is always a chance. seems to me for you gals its far more risky with internal sores that you don't feel and a possible condom break. @ dancer then you were one of the few or your definition of great is not the same.1x a month isn't great and guys get tired of rejection so we stop trying. then get accused of not being romantic or not seducing her, etc.

thanks for your concern chrissyny. right now its for the best. this little bit of drama in my life should have been but a blip on my radar. the "relationship" was rather trivial and never going to go anywhere, yet what happened hit my hot button issues pretty hard. this is what bothers me the most. it affected me far more than it should. I guess you could say it was my post diagnosis rebound??? still not getting back into the insane game anytime soon. there is a certain freedom that comes from saying "enough". besides im too poor to date and money does matter, despite all the protestations im about to receive.

hey, rumi non taken and dancer I was talking for a 1 nighter. maybe if something had built then I might have. not really an issue now. trust me I know how woman are about sex, until they get married that is. (bazinga)

sigh, you gals are killing me talking about going commando.

also, I understand this forum is predominantly female and you are all thinking like females. A male will only be thinking of the sex. So, if you want to 1 night it up, you best be talking well, and I mean well in advance when there is zero chance of anything happening. we men will give up sleep, work, money, time,etc for some action. lol, funny thing, you want 1 nighters but are going to ask for his std status? well if he is into that and it takes 3 months to show on a requested test, good luck with spontaneous 1 nighters.

I don't know. still sounds iffy. ive said before if I didn't have it and the most beautiful woman in the world offered me a 1 night stand but had it, id say no. im betting that even informed and given a "choice" ( unless done well in advance the guy will only hear 1/2 of what is said and understand 10% of what he hears cause he will be thinking, " im gonna get me some of that") if someone from a 1 night stand catches it they are still going to be angry. if they aren't worth risking some sort of relationship with you why are they worth risking a lifelong relationship with this rash? I thought wingman theory was it makes you slow things down because you have to really figure out if this person is worth disclosing to and risking rejection. what bothers me is how many young women on here are more concerned with being able to do 1 nighters and they just learned about their status. how is someone to know about their body if they just found out? again im no prude, had my share of 1 nighters and that's how im here. now I wish I hadn't because none and I mean none of them were worth this. my $.02 and that's bout what its worth.

ok willow, I know you do this on your phone but some of that was hard to read. I guess im ignorant then. I know I don't want to risk someone for a one nighter, nor if I didn't have H would I want the risk for a one nighter, not even FWB . the H as wingman is suppose to be about slowing down and getting to know someone, vetting the chaff so to speak. trust me im no prude, ive done my fair share of one nighters. I just keep reading these heart wrenching posts on here saying " ill never have anyone want to marry me" etc then a , should I disclose because its a one night stand and a seemingly mulligan being given out. but I guess that's the old, it makes me temporarily happy so what the fuck mentality. maybe its the fact that one night stands got me here and now I see them as what they are, using someone else to essentially masturbate.

@dancer, being a veteran of the old q-tip in the head for gonorrhea test, no way no how. no sex is worth a scraping inside there.

really??? is there any doubt? you tell him before anything happens or your worse than those who transmit it without knowing. aren't one night stands and casual sex kinda opposite the whole wingman thing?

sigh. I keep trying to let this go back to a post about meeting guys. In platos republic there is a discussion amongst the learned elders of Greece. in it they mention how much better their lives are now that they no longer care about anything pertaining to the carnal nature. I have come to the conclusion that they are right. now im not an old man and still have those desires but ive no doubt, given my own reactions and the screwed up state of our culture that this would be my best approach. I cannot live up to the false standards put forth by the media nor self help gurus who are paid to make people feel good about themselves. after all feeling good about ourselves at this moment in time is all that matters, damned the consequences or the fallout. MY feelings at THIS moment are the only valid thing in the universe of which I am the center. so since that is how our culture is I put it this way. my feeling are such that I no longer want to flirt nor get involved with anyone. my feeling may change but I doubt it.

my results were sent via passcoded email and I got them at 8pm the next day. it was the private lab. typed blood test and my "score" was way too high to be the rare false positive, unfortunately. oh, if you chose that way make a copies of it. my link has expired now and I only made the one for PP. dhoh! I could get it back but have to go thru the lab and have no reason at the moment. only 2 issues with this way. no doctor to talk to and I read the results at @ 9 and didn't get much sleep that night.

I hear you bro. I lived a hedonistic type life. (post devastating divorce thing) had grown tired of it and had decided that's not who I want to be anymore. was at a pool party in my apartment complex and 2 beautiful women in their late 30s, 1 who literally took my breath were being friendly and checking me out. ( I was with my son and his friend and women love seeing a man playing with kids). im thinking my decision is a good one, fate is already rewarding me. 3 days later my results come in. needless to say it was a punch in the gut, no the solar plexis. it will get better, you wont feel so icky eventually, im not feeling it as much anymore. I almost lost it over the neurotic handwashing about 3 days post diagnosis. but I now don't freak out over every itch and bump outside my boxer zone, inside still make me think but at least whatever is going on there is hidden. just be careful, don't glom onto someone too quickly. this thing magnifies so much. Damn, a ginger too? I will admit to having a huge crush on the wendys girl, lol. look her up, they down play her in those commercials. and julianne moore. and if you live in vegas, there are people far more "crudded up" than you will ever be due to herpes.

thank you chrissyny. im sure there is a lucky man up in your area who will find you one day. now since this thread is about dating sites to meet MEN, I don't really belong. not even sure why I walked in this door in the first place.

this is suppose to be about dating site, not me. im out. last thing im saying. it is what it is.

hit post too soon. I have been thinking about it and it had served me well to just go cold. no one gets in. every time I let them in something goes wrong. I cant wear my heart on my sleeve anymore. im too damned rational and logical and too honest for my own good. despite all the press, people, especially women don't really want men to be honest to them, they want us to tell them what they want to hear and say whatever they do is ok, because they "feel" that way. I cant do it anymore. the wall goes up. it has served me well in the past. I will still offer support and what limited info I have. helping other here is not fully altruistic, it helps me deal with this rash. but I am tired, deep in the soul tired. no nothing stupid is going to happen, I would never leave my son with THAT baggage. im no coward.

thanks dancer. im currently not in a place where I want to buy a ticket let alone try out the ride. besides Chrissy doesn't seem interested.