NSgreenville

Hey everyone. So this weekend coming up is my Birthday weekend. As many of you know already it is also now the anniversary of me finding out I had herpes. It has been 4 years since my diagnosis. I have to say my growth as a person has surprised even myself. I went from having a very negative approach to relationships and intimacy to then having my diagnosis take the rug out from under me. In a way it was the end of the world for me. It ended that world of being that type of person. It wasnt easy swallowing that pill of knowing my actions were the cause of all my pain. Rather than feel sorry for myself (well I tried not to) I got back into the swing of dating with my new outlook on life after 18 months. I still remember how nervous I was to disclose to the girl I was dating. Not nearly as nervous as I was when I dropped to 1 knee though. I know I've rambled on here a lot. But for anyone wondering does it get better in 4 years (took me longer to finish college) I got herpes. I discovered how to have real intimacy through conversation. I disclosed and lost some. I disclosed and won a lot of respect. And I found the woman of my dreams and married her 4 weeks ago. As I approach the anniversary of that doctors visit I can firmly say thank goodness I got herpes when I did because I can't believe I wasted so many years on foolish endeavors, and chasing the wrong women. Now Im happily married and working towards the important things in life.

Thank you for the kind words everyone. @Miji69 I really appreciate you saying that. The day is coming quickly 9 days out. I'm not sure if I am the ultimate success story. I really think I've just followed a lot of advice from the people on here that worked. Its extremely difficult to adjust after your initial diagnosis. Its personal, its lonely, it makes you feel awful. But the term "this too shall pass" is so relevant. I have found a woman who I love more than anything. Our relationship really has nothing to do with Herpes. When I have an outbreak (which Im lucky I have one about once every 7 months at this point) we merely take a break from that part of our relationship. My advice to most is to just keep being you. Be brave. Take chances. Fall on your face. Herpes does not make you a worse person unless you let it. If you become sour, miserable, depressed and self pity, then you're right, it will make people not want to date you. Not because of your H but because thats a nasty attitude to have. I love my wife to be because her ability to overcome adversity. I try to be better at that each day. I know I dont post on here as much as I should. But I will always have a spot in my heart for you guys. Dont hesitate to reach out to me. Love as always, Nick

WOOOOOWWWWIIIEEE! Hey everyone I wanted to touch base with you. I know that I haven't been as good about posting on here recently and Im sure I wont get much better over the next few months. I recently took a new position that is a great fit. Everyone knows a bad job can cause stress and the herp doesnt like stress. We also bought a house last month together and have set our wedding date for 9/17/16 here in the Upstate of South Carolina. I have to say that when I first logged on here. I was looking to find some other miserable people and we could all have a pity party. I discovered a lot of positive people and some people who I felt were worse off than myself. Everyone was helping each other and trying to pick each other up. Now I'm at a crossroads. Im healed of the herpes stigma. I just don't care about it anymore. I understand it. I know it affects me once in a blue moon and honestly Im more concerned about not getting a pimple on my wedding day than I am of a H breakout. I also dont know how much more positive vibes I can provide for you guys. I sense I've become somewhat redundant. All I can say is don't consider this a death sentence, because its not. Go out there be vulnerable. Lay it on the line. Be honest with yourself to the point it scares you. If someone judges you, so what. Didn't you judge yourself when you didn't know either? Remember to love yourself and look inward when feeling down. If you've made it this far the rest is pretty easy. Love you guys and I'll try and keep you posted on the wedding stuff. Nick

Thanks WSdancer! Right now I think we are aiming for this time next year. Just had our engagement photos taken this past week and then Im turning the big 30 in a couple weeks so all sorts of excitement. It certainly has been a wild wild ride.

Whew. So its been almost 5 months since I last got back to you folks. Even more has happened. We adopted a dog back in July and she is the sweetest pup we could ask for. We are still working in separate cities (40min apart) but we still get thursday-monday together. Also in the process of selling her house so we can buy one down here. But the biggest news is that over Labor day weekend we went for a morning walk in our local park and I got on 1 knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes and we are now planning our day for September 2016. Hard to believe that its been around 3 years since my diagnoses and the low point I had then. I found the greatest woman I could imagine and am now getting ready for her to be my wife. I know that I came here in one of the darkest points in my life and found some really amazing people all over the world and would have never thought I would get through what happened. But life pushed me in the direction I needed to go. I found out about myself and then found a life partner. One who accepted me for me and who understood my hopes, dreams, and goals. Thank you all for all of the support and I will hopefully get some updates and will have to post some photos of our engagement after we get them taken. Love you guys, Nick

So over the past month I have had a whirlwind of things happening in my life. I was fulling planning on moving to be closer to my girlfriend and then got an opportunity dropped in my lap at work to stay put where I am. So after much discussion and working through some of the difficulties. My girlfriend and I are going to be moving in together at the end of August. So with that being in the works. I have actually started shopping for the "R" word. Some people would say hey you've only been dating a year but to be 100% honest. This site taught me to be open and communicate and we have blown through a lot of the conversations that takes some couples years to get figured out. I can't thank you guys enough and will keep you posted as the day approaches when I take that leap into the other big talk. love you all, Nick

Welcome LS, I have Herpes type 2 and my girlfriend doesn't I know that she has her concerns and such similar to you. Luckily when she met me I had known for 2 years and had come to grips with a lot of things. Its one of those things that I can tell now when I'm about to have an outbreak or that moment when my body might fight it off. I take care of myself much more now as well. Here is my advice to you. If you feel uncomfortable about the chance you may get it and then be in a compromising spot down the road, pump the breaks and lay off the physical side of your relationship. Grow and discover the other aspects of your relationship. Its also a great way to find out if the relationship has any staying power (this I know all too well) But about your boyfriend being mad or angry. 100% understandable. Honestly, if he wasn't upset wouldn't that be weird? I would talk to him about your concerns, open up to him and explain the concerns you have. Let him be safe in his vulnerability. Often times we even push aside our own struggles to help loved ones who are in need. It could be a great moment for him to provide that for you and allow him to "be a man" The key right now for you guys is communication. Don't be quite for the sake of keeping the peace. Silence is the death of a relationship. Even if what you say hurts its better to be honest with each other. Best of luck and if you want to read my ongoing post its been a wild ride for myself and my girl since we started dating almost a year a go. Best of luck and dont hesitate to reach out to us here. Nick

Sometimes I enjoyed the focus of work. Kept my mind from wandering. I took some time off work when I first found out. Actually my first disclosure was to a female co-worker who I had a crush on. Sometimes its good sometimes it bad...Kind of like work. Just remember that you are still you. People get sick. People get mentally zapped for all sorts of things. At the end of the day remember not all is lost and you have a heck of a lot of people on here willing to hold you up when you need a place to lean.

Yikes, I almost miss the days where I thought there was no hope for me. All these positive vibes and normalcy goes WAAAAYYYY too fast. Still in the relationship coming up on 1 year. But I don't determine the success of that by the length of time, but by the fact our arguments and battles are just like normal relationships. Surprisingly since I have gotten much better about communication since my first disclosure we talk things out where as before I probably would have said SCREW IT IM DONE! I know I havent been the most active on here recently but its amazing how life is such a whirlwind. I am still going to keep you guys posted on all the updates as best I can. But remember if you want to get caught up in something you have to let go and let it happen. Be yourself, be vulnerable, so what if someone rejects you. So what if they dont get it. Be you and you will attract the type of people who you want in your life. Besides when you find that person who accepts you for you, even with your ol buddy Herpes. It makes all those no's seem comical. Love you all, Nick

This makes me so happy. CONGRATS ON being cancer-free. And the disclosure. Sounds like you're just checking things off the list. Best of luck going forward. Nick

Where has the time gone people!!! Its coming down to the end of 2014 and I'm thinking what in blue blazes has happened??!! I started 2014 with the idea that meh maybe this year Ill find someone special. Heck maybe this is the year I finally have sex again. Well as you all know by now I found someone special. We actually went to my parents last weekend and she spent the whole day with my mom(FAR more terrifying then disclosure) and they love her and she loves them, which isnt always easy. Now we get into the Christmas season and while life can be tough. I am gaining a better understanding each day of a healthy relationship. Based on communication and trust. Throw in a dash of physical attraction and its been all I could ask for this holiday season. I hope this finds everyone well. And I know this year Im thankful that I had all of you around to keep my hopes up. I love you all Happy Holidays and Happy new Year Nick

Another successful weekend folks. She met my parents. It snowed while in Asheville at the Grove Park inn. Everyone got along and they were very impressed with her. If they only knew how accepting she was of me too! Amazing how this has turned from a worried post of will she reject me to 'HEY SHES MEETING MY PARENTS!" update. I couldn't have done this without all of your support. It truly is amazing how much my life has changed in the last 2 years. Ups downs and all arounds, but at the end of the day I feel good about myself and the direction things are going. Who knows. Maybe if this works out all the way Ill have to send a few people on here wedding invites. Love you all Nick

Just got off the phone with them. It is interesting but I'm mulling the 11 trips to UNC (3.5hr drive). Work is flexible but I don't think that flexible. On top of that I have to confer with my partner about me going off of suppressive therapy, which I dont know if I feel comfortable putting that strain on this relationship just yet. Going to mull it over for the night and get back to them in the AM. As for the secondary statements in here. I tend to prefer an "older" woman with a good shape. Age is a number but taking care of yourself is far sexier than youth. Shows you have staying power :)

Hey there everyone. So this weekend is going to be a huge weekend for us. My parents are potentially coming into town and if so I am going to be introducing my girlfriend to them. Given my history I don't usually let someone in that easily, so this is a huge step. Actually more nervous about this than my disclosure to her. Amazing what this site and 2 years has done for my perception on what the tough stuff actually is. Hope everyone is well. Love you all Nick

I know there are plenty of negative stories you can read anywhere. But one thing I will tell you is that you need to stop making his choice for him. Throw it out there tell him yeah I like you to. I want to tell you something and explain how it doesn't always affect your day to day but you are taking the steps to limit the outbreaks and exposure to others. Explain to him that its made you think a little bit more about the people who you open up to. The fact that you are trusting him and showing him you care will go a long way. And Remember if you keep doing what you've been doing you'll get what you you've always gotten. Im hoping to hear on Saturday morning a story of great success. You got your swim suit on and your hanging onto the rope swing now run jump and get in the water. Its not too cold.