jax13

BUT I don't like to use the term "clean" to mean "free of STD's"...because dammit, I'm not "dirty" and we all know here that "clean" or "free of STD's" is a fluidity - because people don't normally get tested for herpes so they have no clue if they have it or not (like me, who is asymptomatic, NEVER had an OB in my life) AND tests are only so accurate. I could have a battery of STD tests and be negative, then go out the next day, have protected sex and still contract an STD. If you have sex, you're at risk for an STD. Period. I still take that risk, as I enjoy sex!

Thanks for the comments Hippyherpy. I am a woman who also does not want to settle down (until I meet the right one). It's been really hard for me to date so I took some time off from dating, just now getting back into it and I have disclosed to my new partner with success!

Thank you for your words of encouragement. As a single person just out of a toxic relationship and newly diagnosed last month, I turn to this site often just to read posts for inspiration and to know I am not alone.

Planned Parenthood is an excellent source for testing and counseling after a positive diagnosis. PLUS they have a sliding scale - so you just tell them how much you make each month and they work it out. I had FREE care when I was unemployed, and even employed only part time. They know their stuff when it comes to STDs, STI's and family planning. Don't keep worrying...just go to the Dr. You can even make appointment's online. I've been going to them on and off since 1986. I've been to family doctors, and they just don't stack up in the sexual health department.

Hi - I am from San Diego and I would like someone to "mentor" me through this process. I am a female, asymptomatic hsv 2 (just diagnosed) and hsv 1 orally for 20 + years. I am looking for help doing the disclosure talk - maybe do some practice ones? Via Skype or? Female mentor would be best I think. I am 46, but very young at heart and in my lifestyle. Married and divorced twice, now newly single after a 6 year relationship that ended 3 months ago. Usually a huge flirt and healthy outlook on sex, but this has changed my life and I'm trying to work around and through it.

How many of you use dental dams? And if so, what are your thoughts? Brands that are good? I have never used them in the past - even when I was with women (I am bisexual). I know they are recommended...I just didn't want to use them, I've never used condoms with oral sex on men either. I also didn't know I could possibly pass my hsv 1 onto someone via oral sex. Now that I know it's possible to pass hsv 1 when I'm not in an outbreak it may be what I have to do... I never even kiss anyone or fool around at all with a sore on my lip - I always feel super gross and uncomfortable with a cold sore so I avoid any skin to skin contact when I have one. Should I start disclosing that I have oral herpes too? I've had it for 20+ years and never disclosed that before. Do guys still want to go down on you when you have asymptomatic genital herpes?

Yes - I get my hsv 1 on the inside of my nostrils on the side of my septum as well as the classic lip sores. I use a bit of lip balm or even vitamin E oil when they get hard and crusted over.

Thank you all for your responses - it means a lot. I have since had a second test & opinion - this time at Planned Parenthood, and yes, it was still positive. @wcsdancer2010 - BUT this time they gave me a number to go along with the result - it was a 4.38. They explained to me that to them, a positive result is anything over 1.10. So it seems I've had this awhile and not known it. And the person who triggered this testing, he had it too, and it's unlikely he gave it to me because it was only a month since I was tested and I don't think my numbers would have been that high. Very coincidental. I finally broke down and told my ex's new girl that she should get tested. So now she is finally getting him to go to the Dr and get tested. Otherwise he'd never do it, and she should know what she's getting into. I hated doing it, telling this person I didn't even know, or care to know...that I have herpes. It sucked. But it's done and hopefully she can get him to the Dr. If he doesn't have it I will be very surprised, since we had a 6 year relationship. We didn't always use condoms the proper way - only when he was close to "coming" he would get one on. I've been reading the Managing Herpes book, and having some disclosure dreams. Yes, herpes is even invading my sex dreams! what a bummer! I don't feel like my usual sexual self. It really changes my outlook on sexual partners and my habits. Not that I was super promiscuous...but I have a healthy sexual appetite and not used to having a known STD/STI. No more casual sex one night stands....maybe that's a good thing (if you've ever woken up next to someone you wouldn't have normally taken home had you not been a bit drunky...you know what I mean lol) Basically I'm starting to accept my diagnosis.

My Dr at Kaiser said the test had no numbers, just positive or negative. I have made an appt at Planned Parenthood on Monday to get retested. I have to pay out of pocket but I don't care, I'd rather talk to someone who knows what they are doing when it comes to talking about and diagnosing STDs. I feel like my Kaiser Dr really let me down in so many ways. She seemed caring but really when it came to this ...when I asked for a STD panel of tests and she skipped the herpes test I just don't get that. Stating the tests were unreliable and that I already knew I had Herpes 1. I assumed I was tested for everything. I know that doesn't make any difference in my status as positive or negative now BUT it would be nice to know so I don't go spreading it around. Because I got tested on Oct 20th but didn't have sex with the one guy who also tested positive for HSV 2 until Oct 25th. And it was protected sex. I got some of my tests back by then online, but not all (for privacy reasons), and since she said "if you don't hear from me you are all good". I assumed I was STD free. I know I'm agonizing over this a bit too much but it is all I can think about right now. I have anti-virals (acyclovir) for herpes 1 - but I only take them when I feel an outbreak coming on in my lower lip. Which lately has been maybe 4 or 5 times a year. So I think I will request to get on a daily regimen of antivirals just to be on the safe side. Ah- I know I should be glad to kick my ex boyfriend to the curb, and for the most part I am, but of course we spent 5 years together and I thought he was my best friend, my companion, my lover....and I thought I was over him too but he showed up in the same places I hang out with the girl he cheated on me with and I didn't realize how much that would hurt. Seeing him with her was a little much for me. Especially because she lives 3 hours away...I didn't expect to run into them. Then the very next day I find out I have herpes 2. Just a double whammy. I know I'll get over him and make peace with myself but right now I'm a bit emotionally tender.

I have recently been diagnosed with HSV 2 - but have never ever had symptoms. None, nada, not even a pimple that could be it. I have been scouring the internet and this site for answers and information. How do I know where my viral shedding is happening when I've never had a site outbreak? And how infectious am I? Also - my ex boyfriend has not gotten tested yet!!!! Who does this?! I mean, when the guy I was dating and had sex (with a condom) 2 x told me his ex girlfriend had tested positive for hsv 2 (also no symptoms) the first thing I did was run out and get a test, even though I thought I was negative...I still got the test! Even though I know there is no way to know who gave it to whom- I still want to know if he is positive or negative. I was so mad at him for ignoring my pleas and being a total ass that I went ahead and told the girl he has been having an affair with for 2 years (the reason I broke up with him), that I tested positive for hsv 2 and that she should too. I'm heartbroken from our break up....and now this is just another stab in my broken heart. I have told my ex husband and several lovers I've had since I got divorced in 2008. Because honestly I don't know how long I've had this virus and if I've put others at risk. It's been really enormously crushing to my soul. To admit I have this virus to past lovers and my ex husband. So far I've had one guy tell me he is "clean" - but I told him to make sure he had a herpes test because they don't always test for herpes unless you ask for it specifically. And that was the guy who didn't wear a condom! We were drunk, fooling around and all of a sudden he was in me, sans condom! All the men who have responded to me are grateful that I have disclosed this. One guy I had protected sex with the 3 days before I found out about the herpes has come up negative but still worried because he doesn't know if he just doesn't have antibodies yet. I feel like a monster.

Nevermind - the download finally worked!

Thank you! I have tried to download the e-book but without success. It keeps giving me an error saying I am already on the email list. But it never sent me the book. Looked in all my in boxes, even the spam one.

"Uh - but what about helping you to keep from passing it on to future lovers/partners.... DOH!!!!!" RIGHT?? That's what I thought!!! In the past I have gone to Planned Parenthood, but now I have Kaiser. And I was pretty shocked to hear her say that she was reluctant to test me. I know I haven't had any outbreaks, but hearing that the GF of a man I had sex with testing positive for HSV 2 didn't make her want to test me was weird. I don't know all the specifics of my test yet. It is a holiday week so I will get in touch with my Dr asap. I also think I'll get tested again in 3 months, or get the WB test if it isn't too expensive. I've lived with HSV 1 for so long, really it's not been a big deal- more of a pain to get cold sores (and uncomfortable and shaming). But being on this site has led me to see that I could be passing HSV 1 via oral sex when I'm not having an outbreak. I have never disclosed my HSV 1 status....but maybe that should change now that I know the risks. And it's good to hear that I can still receive oral sex (whew)! That is if someone is willing...

I have tested positive for HSV 2 antibodies in my blood. Which means I have genital herpes. I am in shock. I have never had an outbreak in my life. I'm in disbelief and I know the tests aren't that reliable, but with my track record of sexual partners, it's not impossible. After all, I have been sexually active for 30 years now. And in the beginning of my teen promiscuity, was not very safe. It all began last Saturday. I got a call from a guy I've been dating. I've had sex with him about 3 times. He tells me his recent ex gf has tested positive for Herpes/HSV 2. I told him I had HSV 1 (oral herpes) since I was a teen and asked him was she sure it was HSV 2. He got back with me and said, yes. I wasn't too worried at first. Especially because I had just had a barrage of STD tests done to me on October 20th, and all came back negative. But I remember something my Dr had said that day, that she wasn't going to bother testing for Herpes because I already had oral herpes and something about the test showing positive anyways. So I never got tested for HSV 1 or 2 that day. I tried to tell myself not to worry until I got tested. Monday morning I spoke to my doctor on the phone, she said that the tests aren't very reliable and even if I have it there will never be a way to find out who gave it to me or even when I got it. But if I still wanted the test she would be happy to order it for me and of course I said I wanted the test! I was thinking it would be negative but my mind was racing....thinking about all the lovers I've had in the past. The thought of unknowingly passing genital herpes onto another person sickened me. I got the call Tuesday afternoon around 4:30 pm while at work. They told me I was positive for both 1 and 2. I knew about HSV 1 since I had had cold sores since I was a teen. Lots of people have them. I never kiss or have oral sex when I have a cold sore. They are painful and make me feel gross. After this diagnosis, I am feeling pretty low about my body, my sex life and my worth as a lover and partner. The guy I am dating also showed positive for HSV 2 but neg for 1. He is also in shock. Non of us, the guy, myself or his ex gf have had any symptoms ever! She had decided to get tested because he had told her he had oral sex with a few people during the time they broke up and got back together again. So she was worried. The partners he had oral sex with also are getting tested. One came back negative so far. Waiting on the others. So far I have told my former boyfriend and another recent lover. I don't know how many of my former lovers (or my 2 ex husbands) I should tell. I don't know how long I've had HSV 2 - and just thinking of telling people makes me cringe. I am trying to stay strong. This has definitely been an eye opening experience. Last night I went out on a date with a new guy. He was nice but the whole time I'm thinking in my head....if I want to have sex with him, I'm going to have to tell him. Thankfully it was a chill non-sexual date. We kissed, but honestly he's so much younger than me, and I think I like him more as a friend. It's very scary - the thought of disclosure. I am a very sexual person, I like sex. It's magical. I hope I can still have a good sex life with HSV 2. This puts a whole new perspective on dating. I'm blaming no one. My ex bf or anyone of my former lovers could have passed it to me along the way. I'll never know and I have to accept that. Part of me is in denial - since I've never had an outbreak, or remember having sex with someone with visible sores. That they may have not been visible was something I never thought of. Or that they could have passed it along without having any symptoms themselves. I have decided not to keep my shame to myself. I have told 3 others so far. It feels freeing to tell the story, which is why I am posting it here. I'm scared to tell the story...scared to be judged....but by putting it out on the table I free myself from my own guilt and shame. I let others make their own judgement and I have no control over how they feel about me from there. I am not in control of others.