justagirl72

First, my life is a shitshow. So lets just get that out of the way. So I ended things with my ex is April ish and fell in to "the givers" waiting arms. The giver was a master manipulator and did and said all the right things. By the time I came to my senses it was too late and I got H despite only having slept with him 3 times. During this whole period of time my ex was fighting very hard to get me back. My ex has now proven if you stalk my life enough ill come back. However, what he doesn't know... yet... is that I'm back with H. He is showing me that he is the guy I have been wanting him to step up and be. He has been attentive and loving. He keeps bringing up trying out a relationship again, but I know he will be devastated when I tell him what's been weighing so heavy on me. I know that he could accept I was involved with someone else and even accept that I slept with someone but I don't think he can accept my H. So I am torn as to just put a stop to this now or be open and honest with him. If he truly loves me like he says he does maybe hell understand? Then again, he IS my ex for a reason. I have been so selfish with his time because its nice to have him being this doting person... making me feel special and loved. I have printed out all the disclosure stuff just in case. I know I have to tell him soon because he is getting carried away with the idea of us together. He hasn't tried to be physical with me at all. We've just really been enjoying our time together. He makes me breakfast, hung curtain rods and curtains, cleaned out my car, and even got a pedicure with me. He is this totally different person. For the record: h has really made me consider my issues with men and relationships...aand I'm definitely seeking therapy asap. Thanks, h. I tend to attract only narcissistic men. And I know everyone will probably say to focus on myself for now... but Ive tried that for the majority of my 20s lol To disclose or not disclose... that is the question.

I need a buddy! I'm a 26 year old female and live in PA. Diagnosed about a month ago with hsv2. Having a roller coaster ride of a time wrapping my mind around it.

I love this. I can really relate to you when you talk about how you realized that the guys weren't what you wanted before sex got involved. I finally see how important that is. Being diagnosed with H has really gotten me to do some soul searching and re evaluation. Looking back on my last relationship, there were so many things about him as a person that truly truly sucked but the sex was so good that that's what really kept me around for a year haha. Until I finally had had enough... but if I had taken the time and done it right I would have seen those traits and my vision wouldn't have been clouded by sex. I'm glad you're doing so well!

Just some musings from an H newb. So I believe along with the sexual contact (obviously) that stress played a huge factor in my initial OB. My very dear friend since 6th grade has epilepsy. She was due to have a beautiful baby boy on July 31st. Very soon after my sexual contact my friend had a very serious epileptic episode and her labor had to be induced and she had to be put in to a coma. She laid in a medically induced coma, hooked to a ventilator, and feeding tube and machines that took care of every bodily function. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of her like that. But I sat by her bedside and read to her, sang to her, talked to her. If I wasn't doing that, I was at work or helping with her kids. Along with her newborn she also had a beautiful 3 year old girl. Fast forward. I had my initial OB and took meds. Had a small window of slight relief... maybe 5 days and another OB started all over again. At the same time her family is putting so much pressure on me to be at the hospital or with the kids or be the mediator with her husband who is understandably having a very difficult time. Her mom is calling me constantly. I wanted to scream, "I ducking have H and stress is a trigger. I need to take care of myself right now." But what you need to understand about me is I am always the strong one. The calm in everyones storm. So what I've had to wrap my head around is still being that person and knowing that life need to go on. It is going to be stressful and I need to deal with it. H or not. H is not me. Today was eye opening. I visited my friend. I fed her her lunch. Literally fed her from a spoon like an infant. when she wanted a drink I spooned ginger ale and ice chips in to her mouth because drinking from a straw is difficult. Wiped her mouth because she has a hard time holding her head up, chewing, and swallowing. With her moms help, we moved her arms and legs and lifted her out of bed and in to her wheelchair. We cried happy and sad tears. I wiped those too. I will go back before work tomorrow and do it again. I will not hide from stress, H, or anything else because that is simply not what I do. I will be her warrior. She is 26. This shouldn't happen.

Um. I just found out he's been lying to me about everything. He still has a girlfriend. Who he lives with. Which would be a slap in the face enough. But now I also have H forever. I'm in a terrible place right now. This can't be happening. I'm always skeptical in relationships and question everything. He was so good at what he did. I cannot wrap my head around it. Help.

My symptoms started around the 4th too! Ugh. I learned this sentiment about the importance of health when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Which is what makes my outbreak so funny (as funny as herpes can be). I have never been as healthy as I have been the last year or 2. In fact, in the last 5 months I hired a personal trainer (who, unless hsv has been dormant in my body, gave this lovely virus to me), I eat clean, work out 5 days a week, and maybe have a drink once a month MAYBE. So LOL at my ultra healthy lifestyle... herpes gave it a huge middle finger and knocked me on my ass. I hope you are feeling better!!

So we've continued to see each other but this topic has not come up again. I am currently going through another outbreak and am more miserable than the initial. This one has come with a lovely sore throat that won't quit. I can't help but be angry with him (even though it takes two to tango). My anger is coming out through me lashing out at him and him being generally confused. I want to know if he's been to the dr. But I also think it would be best for me to stop seeing him until I get a handle on myself physically and emotionally separate from him. So I don't know where to go with this? Bring it up again or just fade myself out...

I really needed this right now. I actually just watched that Amy Schumer episode! I am never one to throw myself a pity party or wallow. I am the friend who gently but firmly pulls my friends out of self pity, but I am really struggling right now. I'm actually going to send my friend that one link and tell her to give me a couple more weeks to be sad and then tell me to suck it up. It is what it is. Currently, I'm not so much suffering emotionally as I am physically. I never ever get sick so to feel this poor physically is really messing with me.

Initially, I got them from the clinic. I made a gyno appointment the day I got the official test results and that was the soonest they could see me. Do I have to get meds? Will it go away without them?

I knew I was feeling extra crappy. I have lesions again. The clinic won't write me a script unless I come back in and wait to see a nurse again... and like I said I dont have a gyno appointment until the 30th. What do I dooo. I can't stop crying. This is so uncomfortable. I def did this to myself. I went to the gym and then went on a bike ride with my brother because it was beautiful out. Now I'm seriously paying for trying to enjoy my birthday.

Hi! Today is my birthday. That means 1 week since official diagnosis, 2 weeks since I was tested, and about 3 weeks since I first started feeling "off". I did a week of taking antiviral meds 3x per day, but it still doesn't feel normal down there. Just enough so that it is annoyance, but it is especially bad when I go to bed and I get pain in my back which I am now attributing to the HSV. should I try and get more meds or just let my body try to take care of it? I called and made an appointment with my gyno, but they couldn't take me until the 30th :(

I have type 2. I hate life.

Morning all! Soo I have one more dose of the antiviral left. I dont want to run out.... because what happens next? Does it just come back tomorrow? A couple days from now? How do I know the OB is over? I DONT KNOW WHAT MY NEW NORMAL IS. :/

I guess that thought crossed my mind too but I didn't dwell on it too much. Now I am having a total mind fx...like here I am thinking I've found a decent man for the first time ever but really he maliciously gave me H. Ive even gone so far as to start to think that maybe he gave it to his ex and that's why she was very against ending the relationship. Crazy? Maybe. Maybe not. But I am not naïve and if he did know and did not disclose...I will find out. But going on the assumption that he doesn't know, this is very new to both of us... as I am still waiting on test results myself. So as it really starts to sink in for both of us, he could decide the risk is too much despite what he's said. Regardless, with or without him I will be okay. And dont worry... sex is totally out of the question. I have never felt less sexy in my life. I know it will take time, but holy crap my libido is nowhere to be found.

Hahah my typos...when I do it from my phone it doesn't let me see the box I'm typing in. I apologize. I just made a post about it though!

Quick run down. Had sex with the guy I have been seeing. My body felt so weird. Basically exactly one week after we had sex I found bumps. Went to the clinic this past Monday. Got a swab test and antivirals and went on my way. The meds have made a world of difference. Last night I went out with the guy and knew I had to tell him what I've been dealing with and there is a strong possibility that he is a carrier. Thanks to tequila I had some liquid courage. I probably should have watched more disclosure videos or something. This is all so new to me, but I know he's the type of person who would want to know as soon as possible. So I just let the facts that I have gathered this far pour out. He sat in disbelief. He said it doesn't change the way he feels about me and he still wants to be with me its just more complicated now. He is going to get tested. Obviously. He asked where we go from here and I dont know, honestly. He promised he isn't running or abandoning me. But part of me wants to run. I care about him and dont want to expose him to it if he is negative. LOL he said if he's positive then he's buying a ring and we just have to get married. I was like... umm we didn't make a herpes baby ..that's not necessary. I want him to be with me because I'm awesome not because he probably gave me h. But I am proud of myself because I didn't sit there bawling when I told him. I didn't apologize. I was very matter of fact about it. These are the cards I have been dealt. I will not be a victim. It is so surreal. I never in a million years thought I would have to have that conversation. I still dont know where to go from here. How to protect him...if he doesn't have it. Because I still dont even know what type I have. So once I figure out what type then ill need everyones help again! He said he was looking for a PCP but I suggested the clinic I went to or PP as a better option and I offered to go with him.

I was just looking at flights to Tampa testerday! My friend lives near clearwater. I'm other news. I told him. So that was interesting.

@WCSDancer2010 thanks for the links and info about shaving. Maybe ill just avoid razors down there all together for awhile. Not that I'm letting anyone close to there for awhile anyway. H is a great opportunity way for me to really realize that I don't need sex to feel validated. Silver linings...I'm finding them. I had a swab test done... so those results will tell me specifically what I have down there right? So these meds are great... this is my second full day taking them and I'm not constantly thinking about my jayjay. It almost...ALMOST feels normal. How do I get the meds for future OBs? I'm really putting off seeing my gyno because she is also my moms dr...i know privacy and everything. But still awkward. So I am totally wanting to make a dear diary post about feeling biter. Biter toward myself and biter toward the guy who I'm preeeeetty sure gave it to me. Instead, I would like to say I had an awesome day so far. Went shopping with a friend and bought a new book that I am about to curl up and read. Although I could REALLY use a margarita right now! Half way through the week! Hope everyone is hanging in there!

thanks for the b'day wish Anna! 2L2Q...I was not trying to downplay any part of the diagnosis or symptoms so I hope you didn't take it that way. Just trying to find a silver lining to any part of this and keep my sense of humor through it all. Waiting for the results is sucking the life out of me. Also LOL (BUT NOT REALLY) my coworker made a herpes joke today (obviously having no idea what I'm dealing with). Guess you never really notice how often it happens until you are faced with it. Eddie... thank you for sharing your story! Denial is one of my favorite coping mechanisms so I understand where you are coming from. I literally googled "reasons for bumps that are not herpes". Proud of you for getting tested! Not looking forward to the rejection that I am sure to face, as well. Unrelated.... but my friend was telling me about her sexcapades this weekend. And how selfish am I... all I wanted to do was scream...I can't ever have fun casual sex so I don't want to hear about yours! Talk about anger. One day you're living carefree and then BAM.

Don't worry girl, knowing my luck I will end up being positive for both. I have notoriously bad luck in like... all aspects of my life which really helps me take everything in stride haha The nurse said results could take 2 weeks to come back. My birthday is in two weeks. Happy birthday to me! But I just want to know now! But she also said that positive results come back more quickly. So maybe ill know by Friday. Once I get the result and type(s) then I can really get to the nitty gritty of what I am dealing with.

Crazy. Is it weird that I'm hoping it is hsv1... seems more manageable and less awkward to explain than 2. I have a herpes preference now? What is my life. Ive learned so much in the past 24 hours from this site. The towel thing was good. I was literally using ever paper towel in my apartment and air drying after the shower hahaha. What about my razor? Same deal? What I have also realized is that I can still do all the things I love: I can still go to the gym. Lay by the pool. Go shopping. Go on vacation. Hang out with my friends. Read books.etc. Dating and sex just got a little more tricky than it already is, but at (almost) 26 I should probably stop having casual sex anyway. I am really enjoying these videos! Also. How long for these meds to work? Are they just making the bumps go away or clearing the OB entirely until next time.

Love that video! Made me cry. Everything is making me cry. Life. Never a dull moment. So if I have hsv1 from receiving oral... wouldn't I also have it on my mouth transmitted via kissing?

He's stopping over now to say hi. Prob not going to bring it up. Ugh

Thank you for your responses. Seriously. Yes he did perform oral. So I guess it could be either. Lovely. Should I bring it up with him before I get the results back? Or just wait?

What makes me so sure? I just don't know what else it could be.... the nurse said it wasn't warts. What I have are definitely blisters. I spent a lot of time googling pictures... and I was never like... yeah that's what it is. More like squint and turn my head to the side...I guess that's what mine look like lol It is crazy because I consider myself to have a crazy immune system. I work with preschoolers and never get sick. I work out 5 days a week and am on a strict diet. So this is just blowing my mind. What's the difference between hsv1 and 2? When I do get my results what are questions to ask? My mind is spinning.