Dumfounded

No. Not at all. Sorry for the confusion. I have no idea if you have it. Many things can cause aches and pains, like sleeping on a bad mattress. Most people who have HSV don't know because there are no symptoms. You could already have it if you've had previous sexual partners or gave/receive oral sex. All I'm saying is to relax. Chances are you don't have it, and if you do you won't have symptoms anyway. So live your life, wear condoms (which only reduce the risk of HSV and does not completely protect you from it), and have fun! You'll be fine.

I had the same symptoms. I just wrapped up my first outbreak. I've been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years. My husband nor myself have ever had any signs of oral or genital HSV so my what/why/how thrusted me into a heap of confusion. After asking my husband if he cheated (he didn't) I learned, thanks to Google, that one of two scenarios is to blame. The first being that I've been packing this virus asymptomatically for 15 years (I've had one other brief partner before my husband) or my husband is an asymptomatic carrier (he's had more partners than me) and I'm just now catching it after all these years. After getting a negative IgG result in the absence of a false negative my assumption is the latter of the two scenarios. My husband has yet to be tested, that might clear up the what/why/how but we also kinda don't care since it doesn't change anything for us. I totally understand your concern about when it will happen again. I too am watching the clock. However, I have chosen not to take antivirals so i can get familiar with how this is going to play out in my body. The first outbreak was way more psychologically difficult than physically difficult so I'm letting my body see what it can do. Many people have one outbreak and never again or all subsequent outbreaks are mild and hardly noticable. So we'll see.

The worst part about this is not that you could have been exposed to HSV it's that your sexual encounter was only for 2 minutes. Just kidding. In all seriousness don't worry about herpes, statistically speaking if you had it you probably wouldn't have symptoms anyway. Any time you choose to have sex there is a risk of STI exposure but those risks, especially when mitigated, are worth it for most. Alternatively you could never have sex again.

It's very common to have HSV without symptoms. In fact 80% of HSV+ folks have no symptoms. Perhaps you're one of them.

Nothing changes. You're still the same father and husband you were before the test. The fact that you've had ten years together with the virus unknown is a testament to how innocuous it typically is. Just because you now know what the spots are doesn't turn them into something bad. It changes nothing. Go back to being close with your wife. Don't let the stigma of HSV affect your relationship a second longer. Show your wife this thread. I can understand your fear but it is unnecessary. When I first noticed symptoms I freaked out and sat my husband down to ask if he cheated. He was just as dumbfounded as me. After our conversation I knew he hadn't cheated so I assumed it could not be herpes. But as symptoms progressed nothing else fit. When I started researching HSV I learned that it could indeed occur after 15 monogamous years. I was devastated. I couldn't eat or sleep and I felt like I had failed my children. All the while my husband kept saying it's not a big deal and reminding me that nothing changes. When I went to the doctor she said she was surprised that so many couples are caught off guard by this. She even said it's a waste of time to test my husband because it shouldn't change anything after 15 years nor is the virus clinically significant. The more I learned the less freaked out I've become. And now (just a few weeks later) it's business as usual. The only reason why genital HSV is stigmatized over oral HSV is because no one can hide cold sores so society has to accept it. If HSV were tested as part of an annual exam everyone who carries the virus without noticable symptoms would know they have it and more and more people would realize it's no biggie. My doctor said she won't test unless someone has symptoms because so many people come back positive only to freak out over something they've likely had for years with zero symptoms. She said it's just not worth stressing people out over. That being said, I think we'd all be better off if it were routinely tested so that symptom free folks could a) spread the word that it's a non issue and b) not walk around thinking they don't have it refusing to date symptomatic people. For us married folk though, nothing changes. Let me know how the conversation goes.

It'll be fine. You're probably doing more damage avoiding intimacy than anything else. She may already have it without symptoms like most who get it.

You say, "Hey you know those spots I've had on my penis all these years? Well, I got around to googling it and they sounded a little like herpes so I went and got tested and it was. Crazy huh?" I just had my first outbreak 15 years into my monogamous relationship. I was SHOCKED to put it lightly. I thought my husband cheated. He didn't. We've been solid for 15 years. I tested IgG negative so the assumption is that my my husband is an asymptomatic carrier. Anyway, it's actually brought us closer going through this together. And the joke between is is that there is no one I'd rather get or give heroes to then him.

Keep in mind that even if you decide not to be with this guy the next guy might have HSV and not know. Therefore you end up dating someone with it anyway. This guy didn't just tell you he had herpes. He told you that he respects you, that he's responsible with his and your sexual health, and that he's an honest and trustworthy person. Good luck!

I just had my first outbreak and tested negative for IgG (meaning my exposure was recently) the only possibility is that my husband of 15 years is an asymptomatic carrier. You can imagine my utter shock. As we were trying to unpack this he mentioned he had a cold sore once as a kid but never again. Of course he could also be packing hsv2 around. I won't know for sure unless he gets tested, which he may or may not do. Anyway, as someone who is kind of in your wife's situation I believe your wife is completely out of line. You should not feel bad and she should not be mad at you. Sad. Scared. Unsure of what to expect. Confused. Frustrated. Sure. But not mad at you. Mad at crappy sex education, yes, but not mad at you. Not. Mad. At. You. You did nothing wrong. If I were in your situation I'd tell her to stop being so deplorable. How she is acting is not how you treat your partner and father of your child. Of course I'm assuming in all areas of your relationship you've been decent to her. Had I known my husband had herpes (again, I'm assuming until lab tests come back) I'd get herpes again. And again. And then again. Why? Because my husband is awesome. And we're awesome together. Besides, soon enough there'll be a vaccine and the stigma of herpes will be gone quicker than you can say vaccinate.

I've been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years. Out of nowhere I've got what appears to be genital herpes. Neither of us have had symptoms of oral or genital HSV. Naturally I freaked out, sat my husband down, and asked if he cheated. He was just as dumbfounded as me. I believe him. We've had 15 solid years between us. So then I decided it can't be herpes. But the more I researched the more I realized it can indeed be herpes! Shocking!! I went to the doctor at 9 days after the first noticable symptom. My doctor said, "looks like herpes." Apparently she sees this scenario and wasn't nearly as shocked as me. She didn't take a swab (I'm kicking myself for that) but she drew labs. IgG and IgM came back negative for both types. My husband has not been tested but I assume he's an asymptomatic carrier since my IgG was negative. I'll test my IgG in a few months and if my husband gets around to it he'll test too. If he tests it's only at my request because he really could care less about any of this. In his mind it changes nothing so let's carry on as usual. It's been about two weeks since this crazy experience and I'm trying to have the same attitude as my husband. I'm getting there. At the end of the day I'm pissed off at crappy sex education. Being aware that herpes could pop up like this would have saved a lot of shock and heartache. No question. Just looking for others who have experienced na similar shock.