Dumfounded

Considering most people with HSV don't know it, there's a decent chance those who are choosing not to be with someone HSV+ (which it's perfectly okay to make that choice) are either HSV+ themselves or are walking away into the arms of someone who is. I would have been that person who chooses not to be with an HSV+ person. I can't even touch public doorknobs, I'm very nervous about illnesses. Anyway, I married my husband and after 15 years of being together I had an outbreak. We haven't bothered getting tested because we don't really care but we have reason to believe he is an asymptomatic carrier. Being with my husband is the best thing I've ever done and the joke between us now is that there is no one I'd rather get (or give) herpes to. Let them walk away. You know this is a common and benign skin condition and someday he might find that out too. As for you, you're just as beautiful and wonderful as you've always been.

I'd call.

Call the doctor. They should contact you either way. What testing was done?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just finished my first outbreak and am feeling normal again. At first I was devastated. But the more I learned about HSV the less I've cared about it. Good luck!

http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/five-things-you-should-know-about-herpes/ "Herpes (oral & genital) cannot be spread through inanimate objects such as spoons, glasses, razors, towels, bed sheets, etc. Herpes can only be passed through direct skin-to-skin contact with the infected area such as kissing, oral sex, genital-to-genital rubbing, vaginal, and anal sex."

Hemorrhoids or anal fissures can cause similar symptoms and are more common than cancer. As usual keep us posted. (:

How long ago was this? He should test his IgG if it was recent. If it's negative, in the absence of a false negative, then he probably got it from you. If IgG is positive then it's indicative of an established infection. It wouldn't be that strange for him to have already had the virus. But all of that is only if he really wants to go digging and you want to encourage him to. HSV can be sneaky.

He should also have IgG testing done but it sounds like your boyfriend is in denial. I wouldn't wait for him to leave you. You should leave him. You sound like you could do better.

First off I am so sorry about your sexual assault. I hope you are working on healing from that. Secondly, for the vast majority of people HSV is not a big deal, for a tiny percentage it is. You are the small percent that it's causing much difficulty for. You have every right to feel your anger and frustration over the tremendous impact HSV is having on you. Actually, we all have a right to feel how we feel. Chances are if you pass this to your boyfriend it will not have the same impact on him. Statistically he is likely to have no or minor symptoms. So you can stop worrying about passing it to him. Also you are worth it to him. That's why he's by your side. Trust him when he gives himself to you, when he comforts and loves you. Because you are worth it! I know you are physically affected by this more than most but I suspect that, like most, your body will build up antibodies as the months (and years) move on and symptoms will improve. Lastly, there will likely be a vaccine for both those who have never been exposed and for those who already have the virus. Like chicken pox and shingles. If they can do it with VZV they'll be doing it with HSV eventually. Again, I'm terribly sorry about your assault and they way it has impacted you physically and psychology. Big virtual hugs.

@RegularGuy, I've read so many of your posts and love every single one of them. You are great!

My doctor said unless someone has symptoms or specifically requests HSV testing she doesn't test for it because so many people come back positive and it stresses them out too much. Plus it creates accusatory situations in relationships. I see her point but if everyone were educated and informed of their status the stigma would be gone. That being said, I know the stigma is pretty much only on those who have HSV genitally but part of me is glad it showed up genitally and not orally so that when I experience symptoms no one has to know. Of course part of that attitude might be attached to the fact that I've been partnered up for 15 years and don't have to worry about the crazy world of dating.

Don't feel lousy. Herpes isn't really that big of a deal. I freaked out when out of nowhere I had what appeared to be a herpes outbreak 15 years into my monogamous relationship. That was about three weeks ago. Since then I've tirelessly learned about HSV and I don't care so much anymore. So learn all about it and post all your questions freely. Soon enough you'll realize it's not such a big deal. There'll be a vaccine eventually and then, poof, stigma gone. The alternative is to never have sex and that would be way worse. Take care!

If you have genital HSV no matter the type (1 or 2) you won't spread it via kissing. The only way to spread HSV through kissing is if you have it orally. So smooch away!!!

Lastly, keep in mind that there will probably be a vaccine in the near future that will prevent infection and for those who are already infected prevent outbreaks. At that point HSV will be a non-issue.

If you don't have an active lesion you'll have to sit tight and get an antibody test in a few months once your body has had time to build antibodies to the virus. Chances are you did not contract HSV from your encounter. I understand that you're very concerned but try to relax and move on with your life. Many discordant couples (one partner has HSV and one does not) go many years or even a lifetime without the HSV- partner ever catching it. Relax. Take a deep breath, statistically speaking your chances are very small. Also keep in mind that HSV isn't even that big of a deal anyway. In fact it's so innocuous that the majority of people who have it done even have symptoms.

What sample type did the doctor take for PCR? I believe PCR is done from a swab taken directly from a lesion.

Read this: https://herpes.org.uk/frequently-asked-questions/#21 "Children do all sorts of odd things that you can’t anticipate, but even if they put your worn knickers on their head they are not going to contract the herpes virus – relax and laugh with them." Your niece and nephew won't catch genital herpes from you!

I have two kids and don't worry about giving it to them. It took 15 years of lots of great sex (including oral) before I picked it up from my husband Don't worry about spreading it. Most people get oral HSV so there's a good chance your niece and nephew will get that sooner or later anyway. As for genital, it's and STD for a reason. Your niece and nephew won't get it from you. If your HSV strain is type 2 and you auto inoculated yourself chances are you'll never have another outbreak orally again. If your strain is type 1, the majority of the population has that already anyway. Don't end your life over something as mundane as herpes. I freaked out too when I first found out but after learning more about the virus I realized it not a big deal. In fact it's so innocuous that 80% of people that have it don't even have noticable symptoms!

Read this article https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/dating-with-herpes%3famp

Start with this video

Do you have a close friend or relative you can call? The place you're at right now sounds like an emergency. A suicide hotline? Or you could even check yourself into your local hospital. One thing to remember is any subsequent outbreaks will never be this bad again, psychologically or physically. You might not even have another episode again. I am so sorry that your are going through a tremendous amount of pain right now. Read up on HSV. The more I learned the more I realized it's a non issue.

Considering that HSV usually has no symptoms it's entirely possible your boyfriend has it asymptomatically and is the one who passed it to you.

All I'm saying is to relax. Chances are you don't have it, and if you do you won't have symptoms anyway. So live your life, wear condoms (which only reduce the risk of HSV and does not completely protect you from it), and have fun! You'll be fine. Correction: ...and if you do you *might not* have symptoms anyway.

Oh no. Bummer. I'm sorry. The crappiest part about this is that if we all had better sex education these things wouldn't be so shocking to us. I fell apart when I first got symptoms. I could not understand how I could get this suddenly after 15 monogamous years. If you and your wife had known more about HSV 1) you'd have known what was going on all these years, 2) you wouldn't have been scared to tell your wife, and 3) she wouldn't be upset. Please keep us posted.

Once you have the virus you can't get it again. As for passing it orally, having it genitally offers some immunity to contracting it elsewhere. Furthermore HSV2 doesn't like the mouth so even if you did contract it orally it is extremely unlikely to have subsequent oral outbreaks with HSV2. So if you feel like having sex have it.