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Feeling ashamed with herpes and struggling

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I'm 29 and I found out I had herpes about 5 months ago. I got HSV 1 from my partner, whom I was in a committed relationship for 2 years. He had cold sores on his mouth and it transmitted orally. We recently broke up and I'm still struggling with this. We were having a lot of issues besides this, but this definitely affected our relationship, at least on my end. I haven't felt sexy and I feel that sex really isn't enjoyable for me now. Now that we've ended the relationship, I'm so concerned for future experiences. Does anyone have any experiences they can share? I guess I'm just looking for hope that I can find someone out there that is willing to accept me with this condition. I want a husband and kids in the future, but this seems like it will be even more difficult to find. I don't know how to deal with this and the rejection that will come from it. I'm definitely feeling ashamed.


Any advice?

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I'm going through the same thing, especially with your fears about the future. I don't have any advice since my diagnosis is recent, but if you want to talk, you can always message me. I've read a lot of good articles, one of which is "The Perks of Having Herpes," that make me feel a little better, but still ashamed and scared.

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I've noticed that herpes has actually helped me screen men out better. You will definitely be accepted with it. I've felt unattractive and undesirable with the herpes which made me want to seek validation from men more. You're going to find men who are totally ok with sleeping with you and those who actually take you seriously. Herpes helped me set standards for myself and to essentially love myself more.


I've had the talk numerous times and I've been blown away by how understanding men are. I was rejected three times eventually two of these men came back into my life after taking some time so in my book I've only been rejected once.


The first guy I told was shortly after being diagnosed and I couldn't even get through the talk without crying. He started crying and in a,way I think he loved me more for it. We were in a relationship for three years and when I would get down and ask him why he was with me he would tell me herpes did not define me. Eventually the relationship ended and I thought I would never be accepted again. I was wrong. With time comes strength and perspective. I hope this helps.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Thanks for the uplifting words and support! I've been trying to focus on the fact it will help me weed out men in my life that don't have my best interests at heart and aren't interested in knowing the real me. I put up a profile on a std singles website...I'm feeling a bit limited. Maybe I just need to give myself some time to heal and focus on myself. It can all be overwhelming, but I'm optimsitic

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