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Having a really rough week.

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I found out a few weeks ago that I have herpes and I have been on such an emotional roller coaster. I pride myself on my positivity but I recently disclosed to my two best friends and my little sister who were both incredibly supportive yet I am having a really rough time with the small changes i have noticed. For example making sure I have a straw in my drink so that they know which one is mine and keeping all utensils very separate. I had a genital outbreak but I do not know which strain I have as my doctor didn't see it as necessary because my outbreak was so obvious. I am worried I may be putting them in danger of getting it if they accidentally drink out of my cup. I don't want to victimize myself but I am feeling like such an outcast these past couple of days.

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Hi Pepper!


I'm sorry you're having a rough week. Let's see if we can ease a bit of this paranoia, shall we? :) Sometimes simply getting knowledgeable about herpes can ease a lot of the incorrect assumptions that the stigma might have us start believing.


You can't pass herpes from drinking after someone. Read this blog article for more on how herpes is actually passed. Super important that you get this so you don't feel like a walking infection. It's simply not true. :)



And you mention not wanting to victimize yourself. I feel like you're spot on with that one. Notice all the places where you put yourself into the outcast category. It sounds like of the people you actually told, none of them have put you in that category. You're doing that to yourself because of your own beliefs and perspective. That's super important to get! Here's a blog article on the victim mentality:



... and here's one about why you THINK you suck (hint: You don't):



Also, while you're at it, watch this whole talk that Dr. Leone gave to our support group. It goes over EVERYTHING that you'd need to know so you can wipe the stigma away:


Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • 5 months later...

Thank you Adrial! Learning more about how I can pass herpes has definitely appeased the feeling of feeling like a walking virus. hopefully disclosing with my boyfriend in the next 24 hours. cannot tell you how valuable this site has been. truly.

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Pepper -


You haven't mentioned how you were diagnosed.... or which HSV strain you have...if you have genital HSV1 , odds are you don't have it orally anyway so you can chill out about any kind of "oral" transmission.


Now, if you were blood tested and came up + for both, that's another matter...


Knowing what you have, and where, is useful information to know before your disclosure so you can fully explain the situation to your partner.



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