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New to exploring my sexuality

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I’ve had Herpes type 1 on my vagina for 3 Year’s now. I was in a relationship with a man the whole time and now that I’m single I’ve been exploring my sexuality with women but it’s also scary for me. My anxiety is at an all time high when I get physical with women and usually i stop because I’m scared I’m going to give them herpes. Whether I’m licking their nipples or kissing them or getting more sexual etc. I’m scared they’ll get herpes.  Does anyone have any advice besides disclose to them? I’m trying to educate myself more on this but it just gets me depressed because I still feel like my life is over. I also want to add Im 19 with one sexual partner. 

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Hello and welcome! I can totally appreciate where this anxiety is coming from since I was there myself in the first few years of having herpes. (I felt like just breathing around people would give them herpes!) 😄 And the antidote to this worry is to educate yourself on the actual risks. Transmission rates, especially for genital HSV-1 are much lower than you might think ...

It's actually pretty rare to pass HSV-1 genital-to-genital (in fact, Terri Warren told me straight-up that she hasn't seen a case of genital-to-genital HSV-1 transmission). Since it doesn't sound like you get cold sores (oral HSV-1), then kissing them or licking nipples is totally safe. Another thing to consider is if they go down on you, it runs the same risk as them kissing any of the 70-90% of people in the world who have oral HSV-1. Same virus, just different location. In fact, it's even harder to transmit HSV-1 genital-to-oral than oral-to-oral since HSV-1 sheds so much less genitally than orally. (Read the handouts that come with the free e-book for more on that.)

Of course don't engage in any sexual activity if you're having an outbreak or feel like one might be coming on, but other than that, the amount of viral shedding genitally for HSV-1 is so small, and since the vast majority of people are carriers of HSV-1, then most people will have antibodies already established, which gives them an extra layer of protection. Of course disclose to your partners and let them know the deal, but use this as an opportunity to be open, educate and show them the kind of relationship of integrity you'd like to have. Again, read the disclosure e-book for all the tips on disclosure, and here's a helpful video (oldie but a goodie): https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-herpes-talk-and-your-perspective

I hope all this helps ease your nerves!

In summary: Your love life is NOT over. Not in the slightest.

I promise. 🙂 

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Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • 1 month later...


Hello!! ❤️

I just saw your post and I wanted to say that you are loved and worthy or love and happiness. I also have had HSV1 since I was 19 (I'm now 21) and it is really hard to feel okay because other people our age can be very immature about such intense and sensitive subject such as herpes. However, with easier ways to look up information (and misinformation-- sources matter!!) People our age can also be really kind and willing to listen. Bottom line, do what you need to do: be honest with the person, give them time to process, watch for outbreaks and prodrome (tingling, pain, etc) and keep open communication with your person so they know when to/to not make a move or be physical. Obstaining from genital contact/touching while you think you have an outbreak/will or currently do is key, but you can still kiss someone of course ❤️ don't worry about that!! I have bad OCD and get paranoid that just by touching a doorknob I'll give someone my GHSV1, and that anxiety hurts too much. Let it go and be free 🌈😊🌼🌄.

Always be true and honest with yourself and others, and those who are really worthy of your love and time will choose to stay with you, because the science doesn't lie!-- safe sex practices as well as understanding risks and being honest about even that slight chance of transmission really matters. And when people see that GHSV has low outbreaks, is literally related to chicken pox and cold sores, has low transmission rates, etc, we can dismantle the fear everyone has about herpes and the love and understanding can thrive. 

Sending light and love❤️🌄🌼😊

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