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Just diagnosed with herpes: boyfriend dumped me.

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Well. THIS is fun.


First of all I would like to start off by saying that I consider myself a fairly strong, positive person. I do comedy for a living, so I try to see the humor in every situation and laugh it off. I'm having a hard time doing that.


I was diagnosed with oral and genital H a little over a week ago. My first OB was horrible - I was in so much pain I could barely walk, my mouth hurt like hell, and I had flu symptoms. I basically had every symptom you can have. I was a mess, too - I was crying a lot and anticipating what testing positive for H would do to change my life. The doctors visits were awful, too, because they made me wait so long for my results. The first doctor I went to told me I tested negative, which I was certain was not true, so I got a second opinion, and sure enough, I had it.


On top of it all, I'd been dating someone who I'd been sleeping with for a couple of months, and things were just starting to get serious. I told him I had H, and he stopped talking to me. When I confronted him about it, he told me he just didn't feel the same, and that he couldn't imagine being intimate with me anymore. The doctor said it's likely that I got it from him since I hadn't been sleeping with anyone for a while before him, and that if he didn't have it before, he probably has it now. I told him all this, but he doesn't seem to believe me.


I'm having a really hard time. I'm on medication, so I've got it under control, but I feel so disgusting and worthless. I think I have a lot to offer someone, but if just having herpes is enough to completely dismiss all of the good things about me, then I don't know how I'm ever going to find someone. I used to enjoy having casual sex, but now I don't think anyone will want that with me.


Ugh, man. I'm being such a downer. Any words of wisdom, guys?

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That guy sounds like a jerk who didn't want to hear or come to terms with the truth. Dating is difficult period, herpes or no herpes. I myself am going through a little rejection, but he knew about the HSV going in...so I can't even blame that.lol


So whatever, that dude was not someone who was going to go the distance. I've found that casual sex can be good (but it's rare for me), but once you get to know someone that's when the sex gets really good.


I know this is hard to deal with. I've been backsliding into negative thinking, but the truth is...I did that even when I didn't have this little gift. Life has ups and downs, I can blame my downs on anything. Right now, I'm blaming them on HSV. Before I would of blamed my sadness on my job, or where I was living, or that I was lonely.


You're not alone, and there are much better men out there.

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I was diagnosed back in July and had a similar experience with the guy I had been with. Honestly, just forget about him. You did the right thing in confronting him. You could have taken your anger out on him but you didn't. You were the bigger person in the situation. Good for you :)


As for what you're going through emotionally... It sucks. I can relate. When I first found out I sunk into a deep depression. I thought I would never date anyone ever again. I actually started telling myself that I'd just have to learn to live life on my own. Four months later, I have to say, things have gotten a lot better. Obviously I'm still learning to accept it but the truth is, I hardly even remember that I have it most days. I haven't tried dating yet, but that's because I realized I want to be ok with myself before I'm ok with someone else. I'm kind of going with the "one day at a time" mentality. Our society tends to push forward thinking but most of the time it just causes unnecessary anxiety.


I know this all sounds so preachy but I hope you don't take it that way. I'm not one of those eternal optimists, so please don't take this as a bunch of BS. I just want you to know that you will have bad days. A lot at first. But I can say that even a couple months later, the bad days become fewer and fewer.


P.S. I have a friend who also has HSV II. She used to pride herself on being "a girl about town." She prefers casual sex to long-term relationships. As far as I know she has disclosed to several people and so far no one has rejected her. Just be smart about it and things will work out. This doesn't have to change who you are.

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the right guy will not care! Herpes has been a blessing for me, as it has helped me realize the idiots early on in a relationship. If someone doesnt even give you a chance because of a skin condition, than you can and will find someone else you are really meant to be with!! dont consider herpes a "disease". that is an ugly word. i just consider right alongside my eczema, allergies, etc. As long as you are informing your partners, the right guy wont even bat an eye. believe me, after having it for only 2 months i found someone so completely accepting and it has done miracles for self esteem. i hope you can see its not the end!!

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To look on the bright side, herpes is an oppurtunity for a deeper self love and acceptance. You are almost being forced to love your self "warts and all" it may be a hard journey, painful at times, and some are longer than others, but just know you will make it to the other side and will be so much stronger for it in the long run.

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I have found that break ups have become harder since getting herpes, just because how hard it is to tell someone you come to care about such a painful thing. When a relationship ends, all of a sudden you realize that you will have to do it all over again.


Don't let that keep you in a relationship that isn't working.


I have had this for five years and have only been rejected. And, it hurts, but you will find out that telling people will bring out the best character in you and others. And, if someone cannot accept it, try to respect their decision as much as possible, as long as they are respectful of your feelings as well (it helps no one, especially yourself, if you harbor negative feelings), but don't let it bring you down.


Some people will not handle it as well as others, and that is a observation on their character that you should make, but not a judgement. You are fearful of judgement yourself, so try not to pass judgement on others. By pointing fingers, it just hurts 10 times more when you get pointed at yourself.


Whether you believe in destiny or not, not everything will go as planned, but everything will eventually work out for you. Even if it is not in the way you expected.


Time will pass, and you will meet someone else. And, it may not get easier telling someone, but you will find better and better ways of handling it.


Just look at it as a challenge to become a stronger, more self-aware person.


Whenever something tough gets thrown in my way, I often times say to myself "challenge accepted" with a smile on my face. You can either handle things one of two ways, why not take it with a smile head on.


Best of luck to you, dear.

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