Will my partner ever be ok with my status?

[DistressedLady]

My partner of 2.5 years on and off, admitted last night that he struggles with my diagnosis. I guess this is partly why our sex life is non existent at the moment.
I am so upset. I understand he doesn’t want to get it and I do everything to make sure he won’t - i take anti vitals and we use condoms. I got female condoms as I thought they might be safer for him. 

I just don’t know what else I can do. I feel so hurt and although he says he doesn’t want us to split up and he wants us to stay together and figure things out, I don’t know if we can. I can’t change this about myself and I was struggling to relax with him sexually as it was. I needed reassurance but got the opposite. I feel like I’m not good enough and I don’t know that I could be intimate with him again knowing that he is ‘afraid’ of me.  After all this time this still comes up between us. 
 

does anyone have any advice? Should I  end the relationship as this is something I can’t change? I don’t think he realises how much this hurts me. He said he was trying to be open and honest - which I want but it really hurts!

[AlliKat12]

Hello,

Im sorry you are going through this.  It is hard when someone continuously makes you feel like you aren't enough or like something is wrong with you.  Herpes isn't something that you can get rid of and you are taking all the necessary precautions.  Before you end the relationship, I would sit down with him and make sure he knows how this makes you feel so he can fully understand.  

Since you have been together for 2.5 years, its already possible that he may have it and just be asymptomatic.  Herpes has a small chance of transmission even while you are taking precautions and that is something that your partner needs to understand if he wants to continue this relationship.  

Like I said, I would sit down and have a full on conversation about everything before you decide what to do.  2.5 years is a long time to just throw down the drain.  

Hope all works out in the end.

[Sumshine]

Hi! My late husband never aquired my hsv2 and we were married 25 years plus lived together first. Once I told him of my status and we talked about it, he said he'd be the last person I ever had to tell. We had him tested every year. We had oral sex most of the time (transmission rate is less than 1% to his oral cavity that way) and who doesn't like oral!!! There are ways around transmission. You can get him to read the book written by Terri Warren called "the good news about the bad news." She's an expert on H. She's had many relationships with men with herpes and has never gotten it. It's a small book and sn easy read. If he continues to bring you down, I'd tell him "if you can't move past this, then you need to move on!" 

[DistressedLady]

Many thanks for the replies @AlliKat12and @Sumshine. He hasn’t acquired it from me as he has been tested, but I know he is afraid that the longer we are together or the more sex we have, the higher the likelihood is. 

I have purchased the book which I hope will answer some of his questions and maybe we will both be able to relax more. I think it’s the knowledge that it can be passed on even without symptoms that scares him. I understand but am deeply saddened.

He is a wonderful man and I feel so sad that because of a cheating ex of mine many years ago we are unable to have the intimacy that we both would like. 

He knows he needs to accept it as I can’t change it but it is creating distance between us. 
 

thanks again for your replies. Really appreciated. 
 

[Beachgirl16]

@Sumshine how do you know the transmission rate is less than 1% ( him giving you) orally?

I’ve been looking to find those rates and had not been successful!

thank you 🙏

[Sumshine]

I've read that right here on this forum over the years. Also, Terri Warren speaks of it in her book The good news about thd bad news"