Ok - Need guidance

[LostinHSVLand]

Good afternoon,

First, my apologies for soaking up attention/questions here.  I have been on these forums for a while the struggles some folks go through on this topic (physically and mentally) is a bummer.  Likewise, I applaud the forum moderators….after having reached the end of the internet on this topic, a central location is quite helpful.

Here is my situation - new partner (F), Im a male. Regular testing as a precaution conducted, full history conversation, etc.  After first time together, within 18 hours I developed a big cyst down there and another one on the other side of ‘down there’, which has never happened.  I FREAKED OUT, tough insensitive conversations occurred and my maturity was without question lacking.  I visited 1 doctor “that’s NOT Herpes, its Cysts, its a penis, weird things happen”.  Visited another - same thing neither would swab.  Even went to the derm - he said that’s not something we can ‘test’…happy to cut it out though :(.

My partner got ANOTHER test to calm me down - this one INCLUDED the HSV1 test which came back positive.  Que further freak out on my part.  She said ‘no history of genital at all, has had cold sores etc.  Her doctor said - what’s his (referring to me) problem ” Relationship irreparably damaged - Im sure this story is familiar to many here - and I apologize to all of you on behalf of the immature people like me.  I make no excuse.  

Im now in the ‘what next stage’.  All my stuff is negative.  My cysts slowly went down over 3-4 weeks and is now just a white thing under my skin.  I did the serological testing immediately after our time together - all negative - 3 weeks after that negative (median sero whatever at 3 weeks).  I can do all the math and odds of transfer * .5 is a really low percent.  

Am I being crazy?  Doctors say so but they are dismissive of anything that’s not cancer.  Should I stay on the sidelines and not pursue any relationships until 6 months and testing remains clear?  I really dont know what to do?  And yes I have apologized to my former partner repeatedly. 

Thanks again for reading this and any advice

[mr_hopp]

Hey there @LostinHSVLand,

First of all, no need to apologize for seeking support and understanding here. We're all in this together, and sharing our experiences can be truly helpful for others going through similar situations. So thank you for reaching out and being part of our supportive community.

It's understandable that you freaked out when those cysts appeared after being with your new partner. Uncertainty and fear can certainly trigger emotional responses, and sometimes it's hard to keep a cool head in those moments. I've had my share of shameful outbursts that make me look like a prepubescent teenager all over again. 😅

I want to commend you for taking the initiative to have open and honest conversations with your partner and getting tested regularly as a precaution. Communication and mutual respect are crucial.

Given your partner's positive HSV1 test and no history of genital symptoms, it's possible that the transmission occurred through oral sex, which can happen with HSV1. However, it's also essential to keep in mind that not all cases of HSV1 result in genital symptoms, and it's not uncommon for the virus to remain dormant without causing any noticeable outbreaks. She also may have already had HSV1 before you and just didn't test for it? Hard to say without full data.

As you mentioned, the odds of transmission are relatively low, and you've taken steps to get tested. It's good to know that your test results have been negative, but remember that serological testing might not always detect recent infections immediately. Waiting for a few months and retesting to ensure a clear result is a reasonable approach to take.

Regarding your former partner, it's commendable that you've apologized and acknowledged your emotional response. Learning and growing from our experiences is part of being human.

As for what's next, take some time to reflect on what you want in your relationships. Do some inner searching. Do work on healing that anger inside. Remember that taking care of your emotional well-being is just as important as your physical health.

Ultimately, the decision about pursuing new relationships is entirely up to you. If you decide to explore new connections, open and honest communication about your herpes status with potential partners is essential.

Take things one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and know that you have a community here that understands and supports you. We're here for you whenever you need to talk or seek advice. Wishing you all the best on your journey of healing and growth!

[LostinHSVLand]

Thanks for the thoughtful supportive and thorough response.  Will just test and repeat and stay on the sidelines.  Not going to expose others to the potential risk no matter how remote.  

Cheers!

[LostinHSVLand]

Oh just to clarify - my partner tested positive for HSV 1 via blood test. I have never tested positive - just “theoretically exposed” through her.  

I reacted to that and am now waiting to see if one exposure will lead to a positive test for me. 

[My_dog_is_hungry]

I would hardly say you were "exposed". A huge percentage of the population has hsv1 in their blood. Every time you kiss someone you're being "exposed“ then, you just happen to know your partner has it, because she kindly got a blood test after you had a conniption over your cysts. Get on with your life. 

[mr_hopp]

To piggyback off of what @My_dog_is_hungry said, if your goal is to never be exposed to HSV, then you have immediately dwindled down your dating pool to a very small minority of the entire world. Also, 80% of people who have herpes don't know they have it, so since she knows she is a carrier of HSV-1 (like 2/3 of the world), she is ironically probably more safe than someone who is ignorant of it.