Recently diagnosed with Herpes 2

[oldguy]

A lovely woman who I have fallen in love with recommended we get tested before having sex. We both did. She was negative for everything, to my complete surprise I came back with antibodies for HSV 2 in my system. I've never had an outbreak. I had a pea size bubble in my mouth that burst and came back then burst again. I haven't had it since February. It was an annoyance but not a sore per say. It could be something else, I just don't know.

I've only kissed my girlfriend on the lips, pecks really. She went back to get tested again after I showed her the results of my test. 

I found this site, the CDC, NIH, and used Google to find out more about this disease. 

I read in this forum that it is pointless in trying to figure out who gave it to me. No one from my past has ever contacted me about it. I've had 3 girlfriends in the last 5 years. I'm a 66 year old man. 

Adrial's videos are encouraging. I think it will take time for me to adjust to this life sentence. I'm meeting with a therapist on BetterHelp Monday. 

I hope my girlfriend does not have it. Is French kissing ok with herpes 2? I watched the Dr Leone video and he said oral sex was ok. I'm taking the suppression drug Valocyclovir 500 mg

I hope and pray she doesn't have it. It seems unlikely from pecks. Also, I hope she decides to give us a try. I understand if she would not want to. I sent her the PDFs from HOpportunity. I don't know what she's thinking. Waiting for her result.

OMG, what a life!

[mr_hopp]

Hey there,

It's great to see how proactive you're being about learning and getting support after your diagnosis. Kudos to you! French kissing is generally considered safe with HSV-2, especially if you’re not having an outbreak. HSV-2 is typically associated with genital infections, so transmission through kissing is highly unlikely (only 1-2% of all HSV-2 cases are located orally). It’s also good that you're on suppressive therapy, which significantly reduces the risk of transmission.

Remember, it's not a "life sentence" (tongue-and-cheek as that may have been meant) — it's a totally manageable skin condition. Words really shape our perspective; and using positive, realistic language can help put things into better perspective. Keep up the open communication with your girlfriend and allow her some time to process this new information. I'm glad you sent her the handouts that come with the free e-book; those should help her answer all those high-level transmission questions she probably has. I hope your therapy session goes well, and that your relationship continues to grow in understanding and trust. Keep us updated!

[NerdP423]

On 4/26/2024 at 10:07 AM, oldguy said:

A lovely woman who I have fallen in love with recommended we get tested before having sex. We both did. She was negative for everything, to my complete surprise I came back with antibodies for HSV 2 in my system. I've never had an outbreak. I had a pea size bubble in my mouth that burst and came back then burst again. I haven't had it since February. It was an annoyance but not a sore per say. It could be something else, I just don't know.

I've only kissed my girlfriend on the lips, pecks really. She went back to get tested again after I showed her the results of my test. 

I found this site, the CDC, NIH, and used Google to find out more about this disease. 

I read in this forum that it is pointless in trying to figure out who gave it to me. No one from my past has ever contacted me about it. I've had 3 girlfriends in the last 5 years. I'm a 66 year old man. 

Adrial's videos are encouraging. I think it will take time for me to adjust to this life sentence. I'm meeting with a therapist on BetterHelp Monday. 

I hope my girlfriend does not have it. Is French kissing ok with herpes 2? I watched the Dr Leone video and he said oral sex was ok. I'm taking the suppression drug Valocyclovir 500 mg

I hope and pray she doesn't have it. It seems unlikely from pecks. Also, I hope she decides to give us a try. I understand if she would not want to. I sent her the PDFs from HOpportunity. I don't know what she's thinking. Waiting for her result.

OMG, what a life!

Just a thought - if you sleep on your side, blood blisters on your cheek are common. Also if you've never had any symptoms, you can always try getting the Western Blot via Terri Warren at the Westover Heights clinic - but your insurance probably won't cover it, and it will probably cost $500.

[oldguy]

Thank you Mr. Hopp and NerdP423,

The Western Blot test is expensive! I had the IgG test and my value was 8.0. Looking into that meaning of that value determined that I have been "exposed to the virus at some point". Not very helpful. 

My understanding is that there is no way to determine if one has oral or genital herpes, bothy being HSV2, until they experience a breakout is that correct? So if I had a sore in my mouth that was swabbed and tested positive for HSV2, does that mean I came in contact with a herpes sore on a vagina? Or could it also mean she was asymptomatic but shedding at the time? 

I'm climbing my girlfriend's wall of fear hoping to allay some of it. 

My therapist informed me there are things we can do with minimal risk, I get that, but she is still quite put off by the notion of risk to herself.

 

Thanks for being here in this safe space!

Appreciatively,

Oldguy

 

 

[mr_hopp]

Hey @oldguy,

It’s great to see you’re actively seeking information and support. You’re right; the IgG value does suggest exposure at some point, but it doesn’t pinpoint when or where the virus might manifest on your body. HSV-2 is typically associated with genital herpes, but it can appear orally, though this is less common (like I said, only 1-2% of all oral herpes cases are HSV-2).

Regarding transmission, direct contact with an active sore is the most common way to contract the virus (generally from people who are unaware that they have herpes, so are less cautious), but asymptomatic shedding can also lead to transmission. It's not necessarily about where the virus manifests; it's more about where it was exposed to on your body.

I get it how navigating this with your partner can be challenging And the risk is put in perspective in the handouts that come with the e-book. Down to a 2.5%/yr risk of transmission (for women, less for men) when suppressive meds and condoms are used. For comparison’s sake ... There’s a 2-15% chance of unintended pregnancy with condoms and a 1.8% chance of death from a car accident. Everything in life has some % of risk associated with it. It's just about determining which risks are worth taking.

Keep the dialogue open and focus on the facts and the effective measures you can take to reduce risks. This can help build trust and understanding. Thanks for being part of this community and sharing your journey. 👊

[oldguy]

Thank you Mr_Hopp. Those were much needed confirmations of what I read. The literature is not always so concise as you have been. You hit the spot... hmm 

There have been other helpful perspectives I've found in learning about  herpes and one is "it (herpes) is a manageable skin disease". That may have been from this site as well. The stigmatization of herpes deeply affected me at first and slowly it is dissipating. It helps that my girlfriend is willing to make a go of it with me. She did a lot of reading as well. She is still fearful of intimacy and if the situation were reversed I might be too. One never knows until they are in the situation themselves. So I will be patient. Being asymptomatic, never having had an outbreak, we don't know where or when herpes will appear. I'm taking the suppressant  and that may delay or suppress an outbreak. I'm hoping the statistic you cited of 2.5% risk holds some sway with her. At least if I knew it was genital herpes for sure and not oral herpes, we could have oral sex. The stat for having HSV2 orally is also very low risk. 

It helps me to write about my concerns in this forum. So thanks for being here. 

 

[D_Marie]

That is good news to hear that she is willing to try. There is a good video from a guy that didn't have HSV but decided to date a woman that did. The link is:

You should read the following topic about the experience of a woman that has HSV and was questioning how long is too long to wait for her partner to adjust. It ends on a positive note.