D_Marie

That is good news to hear that she is willing to try. There is a good video from a guy that didn't have HSV but decided to date a woman that did. The link is: You should read the following topic about the experience of a woman that has HSV and was questioning how long is too long to wait for her partner to adjust. It ends on a positive note.

Thanks for your replies. 🙃 Since being diagnosed, I've been considering multiple points of view when it comes to disclosures. Personally, I've decided that I will try disclosing. That being said, I will not judge anyone that decides to take precautions without disclosing. I still believe individuals need to look out for their mental health first and make the decision that is best for them. Although I've decided to disclose, I am going take a different approach than what I see being advocated on the forums within the various H+ communities. It seems as if the emphasis is solely on one sided disclosures. It feels like we're asking those that have been diagnosed to shoulder the responsibility of promoting safe sexual health practices when we're already an extremely vulnerable group. Everyone that's sexually active should be responsible. The emphasis should be on promoting safer sexual health practices overall, and that starts with everyone knowing their STD/STI status. Instead of starting the conversation about sexual health with a potential partner by disclosing, it's important that we start the conversation by enquiring if they know their status and would they be open to getting retested and sharing results before starting a sexual relationship. This is especially important because if you have been diagnosed with HSV2, you are particularly vulnerable to HIV so you really need to confirm the current status of potential partners. Also, just because you were diagnosed with HSV in the past doesn't mean you haven't been infected with another STD/STI since then. With this approach, both parties are starting off fully informed. In addition, if the statistics are correct that the majority of infected people don't know they have an STD/STI, then to me the best way to reduce the stigma is to raise awareness regarding people's own status, not a one sided approach of STD/STI+ people disclosing. You won't stigmatize a group when you are part of that group. Based on my own prior experience, when my ex-boyfriend disclosed his HSV status to me, I am sorry to say that my reaction was not good.😔 Little did I know, I was already infected with HSV but I didn't know my status.

Thank you @mr_hopp for the thoughtful response. You have a lot of really good points for me to think about and consider. When I face difficult problems my brain likes to try and put it into a neat logical formula, but that obviously can’t be done with disclosures, as you so eloquently showed.

I can speak from both sides of the disclosure issue. I had someone recently disclose to me about their HSV 1 status after we've been dating for months. I freaked out, because I felt like they took no precautions to avoid infecting me. I felt betrayed and I did want to take legal action. I got tested and found out that I had both 1&2! It turned out that I may have been living with HSV2 for over 15 years and not known it. I'm asymptomatic. Now I'm in a position where I may have to disclose. I've come to the conclusion that if an H+ person has done everything that they can do to reduce the risk to <1% or less than the risk of dying in a car accident, then I feel disclosures are optional. HSV is not a deadly virus. We live in a world where we take "acceptable risks" everyday, throughout the day when you take any kind of medicine, drive in your car, eat store bought food, etc. without getting disclosures. Nothing is 100% safe. It would make us insane to have all risk communicated to us for all the things we do daily. We would be too afraid to do anything. I don't disclosure to people that there is a chance we may die, every time I drive someone in my car. Anyone that's having sex is accepting some level of risk that something unwanted may occur. So my position is that H+ people should do what is best for their mental health. If not disclosing causes you a lot of anguish and guilt, then disclose. If disclosing this personal information about yourself causes you an unhealthy level of anxiety then don't. At the end of the day, the pain caused HSV is 95% mental anguish because of being stigmatized and only 5% physically annoying. We as a society need to reframe how we approach this to start reducing those unnecessary mental effects.

I can speak from both sides. I had someone recently disclose to me about their HSV 1 status after we've been dating for months. I freaked out; not about the virus but I felt like they took no precautions to avoid infecting me. I felt betrayed and I did want to take legal action. I got tested and found out that I had both 1&2. I may have been living with HSV2 for over 15 years and not known it. I'm asymptomatic. Now I'm in a position where I may have to disclose. I've come to the conclusion that if an H+ person has done everything that they can do to reduce the risk to <1% or less than the risk of dying in a car accident, then I feel disclosures are optional. We live in a world where we take "acceptable" everyday throughout the day when you take medicine, drive in your car, eat store bought food, etc. without getting disclosures. Nothing is 100% safe. It would make us insane to have all risk communicated to us for all the things we do daily. We would be too afraid to do anything. I don't disclosure to people that there is a chance we may die every time I drive someone in my car. Anyone that's having sex is accepting some level of risk that something unwanted may occur. So my position is that people should do what is best for their mental health. If not disclosing causes you a lot of anguish and guilt, then disclose. If disclosing this personal information about yourself causes you an unhealthy level of anxiety then don't.