D_Marie

Thank you @mr_hopp for the thoughtful response. You have a lot of really good points for me to think about and consider. When I face difficult problems my brain likes to try and put it into a neat logical formula, but that obviously can’t be done with disclosures, as you so eloquently showed.

I can speak from both sides of the disclosure issue. I had someone recently disclose to me about their HSV 1 status after we've been dating for months. I freaked out, because I felt like they took no precautions to avoid infecting me. I felt betrayed and I did want to take legal action. I got tested and found out that I had both 1&2! It turned out that I may have been living with HSV2 for over 15 years and not known it. I'm asymptomatic. Now I'm in a position where I may have to disclose. I've come to the conclusion that if an H+ person has done everything that they can do to reduce the risk to <1% or less than the risk of dying in a car accident, then I feel disclosures are optional. HSV is not a deadly virus. We live in a world where we take "acceptable risks" everyday, throughout the day when you take any kind of medicine, drive in your car, eat store bought food, etc. without getting disclosures. Nothing is 100% safe. It would make us insane to have all risk communicated to us for all the things we do daily. We would be too afraid to do anything. I don't disclosure to people that there is a chance we may die, every time I drive someone in my car. Anyone that's having sex is accepting some level of risk that something unwanted may occur. So my position is that H+ people should do what is best for their mental health. If not disclosing causes you a lot of anguish and guilt, then disclose. If disclosing this personal information about yourself causes you an unhealthy level of anxiety then don't. At the end of the day, the pain caused HSV is 95% mental anguish because of being stigmatized and only 5% physically annoying. We as a society need to reframe how we approach this to start reducing those unnecessary mental effects.

I can speak from both sides. I had someone recently disclose to me about their HSV 1 status after we've been dating for months. I freaked out; not about the virus but I felt like they took no precautions to avoid infecting me. I felt betrayed and I did want to take legal action. I got tested and found out that I had both 1&2. I may have been living with HSV2 for over 15 years and not known it. I'm asymptomatic. Now I'm in a position where I may have to disclose. I've come to the conclusion that if an H+ person has done everything that they can do to reduce the risk to <1% or less than the risk of dying in a car accident, then I feel disclosures are optional. We live in a world where we take "acceptable" everyday throughout the day when you take medicine, drive in your car, eat store bought food, etc. without getting disclosures. Nothing is 100% safe. It would make us insane to have all risk communicated to us for all the things we do daily. We would be too afraid to do anything. I don't disclosure to people that there is a chance we may die every time I drive someone in my car. Anyone that's having sex is accepting some level of risk that something unwanted may occur. So my position is that people should do what is best for their mental health. If not disclosing causes you a lot of anguish and guilt, then disclose. If disclosing this personal information about yourself causes you an unhealthy level of anxiety then don't.