Married with herpes - Just diagnosed tonight (eve of Thanksgiving)

[Sobersally1]

I don't have the energy to write much now, I have never been in so much pain in my life, and I was even in a devastating car accident years ago and broke 9 bones in my body. My fever is almost at 103, and my genital sores lead all the way from my clitoris to my anus. It is so raw and so painful I seriously wan't to be put out of my misery. The story starts like this...My husband and I are both about 3 years sober from drugs and alcohol. We both lived in florida, married there, and just drove halfway across the country to move to Missouri where he is originally from. Let me also state that I am very physically active and workout quite a bit, I have a terrible habit of wearing "lululemon" an over priced, synthetic fitness apparel outfitter like ALL THE TIME. That means that I don't give my vagina much room to breathe. My husband and I are have a very healthy sex life and we both have never had any symptoms or issues we were aware of. My husband noticed something on the 16th when giving me oral sex he said my vagina tasted funny, the texture was weird. I didn't think anything of it because I had just showered and used baby powder, so I thought it was like that mixed with my body chemistry, since I had just worked out. Three days later we left for Missouri in our Ryder Truck..less than one day into it I felt like my pants were on fire, literally. I thought I was maybe allergic to the material of the pants. I have also, at a horrible coincidence, been on progesterone for 10 days when this all happened, at the suggestion of my doctor because I hadn't gotten a period in a few months. When we arrived from Missouri - my vagina was so itchy and I couldn't stop scratching it, I thought I had a yeast infection so I went and got a one day treatment and anti itch cream. Fast forward a week till we arrived here, and I have ruined all my relationships with my new inlaws, Matt's brothers and sister...I have been the meanest person ever, my mood was all over the place from the progesterone and I have been in terrible pain. Finally I let my husband take me to the emergency room last night, the welts on my vagina were so bad and the burning and pain was so intense I couldn't even walk. After my exam the doctor said immediately that is herpes. I immediately started crying and I felt like my life was over. She was really cold and kind of looked at me like it's my fault. My husband at first was super supportive and then I blamed him , I came right to the internet and read a lot about how cold sores can create genital herpes. That is what he has right now a cold sore...he says it could be from all my sexual partners in the past. Whatever the case it's here and it isn't going anywhere. I don't care about having it because I am married the only thing I care about is the severe pain I am in now. I am scared to go take a shower because it burns so bad. My husband and I haven't had sex in almost a week and that makes me sad. So many emotions..Happy thanksgiving.

[Judith]

Hi SoberSally,

darling i am really sorry that you are in that bad pain and mood, everybody on that website understand how are you feeling,we all gone through the same situation.The first OB can be really difficult and destroying but i promise it will get better in the furure.You have your first OB and this means you feel confused , discusting , lonely but this is not what you are at all,you are not herpes, you are the same person as before only with some new thing to deal with in your live, something you have to get used to .You will start to get used to it and H will help you to grow as a person , it will show you self acceptence and even if you feel really bad in that moment , you will feel much diffrently about it in the future.The first time i got it ,I felt like i wanne kill myself but H was only a trigger to make myself a better person , to live a bit healthier(ok to be honest not alwas but i try) and to be more honest to myself about what i want.

You are married and i guess you both are in healthy good realationship so your partner will help you over that.

Dont start to think where you got it from , you will never get an answer and it anyway not important , you both together are important, the way you both deal with it together and how you fight the bad feelings.....YOU will BE better sooon :)

I am sorry for the reaction of the doctor in your emergency but this is quit normal the most doctors have no idea, they think only prositutes have it......well NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO 20 percent of the world population have it and i dont think i am a slut :)))) and you neither.:)

Now its important that you get the bloodtest which typ you have ( even if you married ...its good to clarify) and that you maybe get antivirales fo the begining to slow down you symtoms and in the future you can decide if you take it daily.

Sweatheart i hope anyway that you try to enjoy you thanksgiving(i am from europe so we dont have nice dinner tonight ,even if i wished :( )and you get better soon.I give you both a big hug and any question please let me know.Judith

 

[jetset_2002]

I feel you Sobersally. Imagine having a penis and then hanging a glowing red horse shoe over it, nicely pressed against the skin. Thats what I'm feeling right now.

 

Anyway, hang in there like I'm trying to do and as you will find out, everyone goes through this and it gets better.

 

Lets mentally hold hands and ride this one out together, you're not alone.

 

Love, E.

[WCSDancer2010]

SoberSally: First - welcome to the Forum. ((((((HUGS)))))))You are among friends here. We've all either been there or are going through this with you. You are NOT alone in all the feelings and frustrations that you are going through right now. I promise it WILL get better and you WILL get through this.

 

The first OB's are the worst because you have absolutely no antibodies to the virus. over time your body will build immunity and the OB's will lessen in both duration and frequency.

 

As Judith said, sadly, many Dr's are clueless about how this disease affects people. To the medical profession, this is "just a skin condition". They don't see the emotional havoc that H wreaks on those who get it. One of our goals here will be to ultimately change how Dr's work with their patients in the future. I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience there.

 

As far as "who gave it to who" and when, I would advise you to try to let that go. Odds are one of you got it a looong time ago and managed to not have an OB until now. Herpes is a slippery little bugger that doesn't play by any consistent "rules". I've recently heard of two women who carried the Herpes virus for 27 and 32 years respectively before their first OB... may people NEVER have an OB and one of you likely got it from someone who unknowingly carried it.

 

I would suggest that you change to cotton clothing at least until the OB sibsides...but it WILL make you more likely to have other OB's ahd H LOVES a warm moist environment. :(

 

I could remember the pain I had after I traveled on an overseas flight during an OB years ago when I got out of the seat to get off the plane and my underwear had stuck to the sores...and of course I couldn't say anything...... OWEEEEEEEE! Almost brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. So sorry this happened when you were moving - horrid timing but likely the OB was a result of the stress around moving. Stress is a big contributor to OB's :/

 

To help ease the pain, try Epsom Salts soaks - Sorta like a Sits Bath after you have a baby (if you have had one) you can just get in a nice warm tub with several handfuls of Epsom Salts and let it soak. And if you can get on Antivirals, it might be a good idea to do that at least until the OB subsides.

 

Regarding sex. Use this time to connect physically/sexually in other ways with him. Many people on here say that ultimately H actually helps bring a whole new level of intimacy to their relationship. Get creative about how you can pleasure/hold/touch/connect .... we often get into ruts in a relationship - this is your perfect opportunity to explore new things with each other ;)

 

Do realize that you WILL get beyond this..... I know it feels like you will never be normal again but it WILL get better. Try to let yourself rest and heal over the Holiday weekend ...... it would be a good idea to find a GOOD OBGYN in the area (ask who is a good, empathetic Dr!!!) and go in to get on some Antivirals and get a bit better medical support....

 

(((HUGS))) again. Feel free to come here to vent, ask questions, or just to ask for support. We are here for you.... :)