Can I give oral sex if I have genital HSV-1? Racing thoughts at the moment

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Weird for thanksgiving I know and no I have no intentions of giving a BJ tonight or anytime soon, but it's just on my mind. I haven't had an oral outbreak, just genital. And as before, I have HSV1 genitally. However, I obviously kissed the guy before he went down on me like normal when people are sexually active. So should I disclose before I give oral? Obviously I would disclose if a man were to go down on me or before hitting homeplate. Or is it okay to give BJs since I haven't had an oral outbreak? I mean if I could give BJs I would at least be able to keep a guy content until I'm ready to disclose the whole no P in the V. I mean, and in that case if I can't give BJs do I disclose before I kiss someone? My doctor told me not to worry about kissing or sharing drinks since I haven't broke out on my mouth so does that mean it's okay for me to give BJs you think? Freaking out at the moment.

 

And I know there is probably a post similar to this but I'm on my phone so it's hard to search at the moment.

[WCSDancer2010]

LOL - I think we all struggle with this one.... and I am not sure there is a "right" answer here. Given that 80% of the population has HSV1 (usually on the mouth) and I have never EVER heard of anyone telling anyone that they have H before kissing, I think in that case its just a hazard of kissing. In the case of BJ's. I think that if you KNOW you have it on the mouth, you should disclose. It seems like you have it only genitally, so you *should* be safe.

 

However, I want to ask you about your thoughts on "keeping a guy content" until you are ready to disclose. Somehow that lands over here that you feel you need to supply some sort of sexual favors early on to keep him interested.... (and I'm not saying you shouldn't, just how it's landing over here ;) ) . For ME, I am getting more and more to where I want to get to know the guy better before I go there... (actually, for me, I don't give a BJ unless I feel the relationship has potential...for ME it's a very intimate and vulnerable experience....and I know I'm pretty decent at it and I don't want a man to stay with me for the BJ's :P ). I mean, I LOVE sex but I'm finding (like many on here from what I am reading) I have caved to the pressure of a guy for sex when my head is telling me that I should slow down for fear of him losing interest (ok, AND to appease my hormones... they sure don't help!). So it almost sounds like you are looking for a bargaining chip .... something to keep a potential mate's interest. And there is nothing wrong with that...but it may be something you want to think about. I'm coming around to the opinion that if he can't wait a few more weeks or so until I am ready to disclose then he is looking for sex over relationship. I certainly have not figured out the balance though..... so who am I to talk ...LOL :p

 

 

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Thanks WCS. And yes, I guess to be honest it is a bargaining tool for myself. When I was writing this I said in my head "well if a guy is pushing and I'm not ready to tell him but I'm comfortable enough to give oral should I, so I don't have to tell about my genitals." Yeah. I have found a weak spot in my progress... Shit. That's not right for me to be bargaining with myself on trying to keep a man because of my genitals. I'm 23, most men my age are just sex sex sex. I'm not... But I'm not unwilling to give a BJ so he will shut up. That's how I was before H. And me being willing to do oral but no penetration consequently is what landed me in this predicament in the first place. Even though I had not had a man go down on me in three years then when I did, I get H, but have given a couple BJs in that three year span. I guess I'm a giver. Or young and dumb and think it will keep a man...okay, now you have me thinking more than I was. Hahahaha! Ahhhhhhhh!

[WCSDancer2010]

LOL - sorry to be the buzz-kill for you... Haha!

 

" I'm 23, most men my age are just sex sex sex."

 

Uh - they don't get any better in their 50's.... believe me :p

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

No no no it's alright. I need to think. It's actually better you did make me think. I mean I don't want to just give BJs now and settle for that just because I'm scared to tell someone.

 

Great, so they always are out for one thing. Crap! :| Men......

[Peachyogurtisawesome]

Well.. somebody's in the mood for exotic deserts this thanksgiving hahaha. At least that desert is low calorie I'm sorry i couldn't help it. lmao hope you are having a good thanksgiving!

[WCSDancer2010]

LOL Peachy!!! :D :D :D

 

BTW DBT - I've been told by some guys who I met online that there are women who are only on there for sex too - it actually scares the hell outta some of the guys (esp when they have been in a ltr/marriage for a long time) because they don't know how to handle it..... my last near-miss (dated but ran when we had the talk) bitched that his last GF just wanted to "F*ck him and Feed him" and that many women either wanted him just to go out on dates (ie, to be fed) or to screw him. Makes me laugh that he walked away from the one woman he met who is really looking for the real deal :p

 

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

Peach yogurt you got my ass rolling over here. To be honest, I could go for a little loving right now, but I'll settle for a beer or two. I had some mirror time tonight getting ready and loved myself. Not like, dirty, I just mean telling myself positive things,

 

WCS, I know some women are too. I guess my experiences make me biased. And hey, it's that guys loss because from my viewpoint you are a pretty strong, awesome woman,

[WCSDancer2010]

Thanks..... I think he just couldn't handle me...LOL! He said he liked the fact that i knew what I wanted and I was transparent and such, but often what initially draws you to someone scares you off or becomes annoying later (Look up Imago Relationship theory). He liked transparency until I was honest with him, wanted to be friends after that...when I came out, I think it was too much transparency for him...LOL

 

I know I am not every guy's cup of tea. I speak it as I see it. It was funny - the other day I did an "Aura" test and came up purple ... and you know what it said?

 

"Purpose of Life: Saying Truths That Other People Dare Not Say"

 

LOL - Ya THINK???? Boy did that one peg me...! I mean - everything it said was me. But that one thing really made me laugh :)

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

You are by far one of the most honest even if it hurts people I have seen on here. You make me think, that is for sure. And I couldn't agree more, you end up being annoyed by the things you initially fall for someone for. I have had that happen to me and by me. I hate that he didn't respond well. That just makes my heart hurt. The truth sucks but the truth also sets you free. And thank God, some people know the importance of speaking the truth.

[Aerial2013]

Ok, folks...oral sex thread here, so I'm just gonna add my 2 cents worth...

 

disclaimer...this is strictly my opinion...

 

My local health department has an informational track that says that if you test positive for HSV1, have your man use a condom when "engaging in the practice of oral sex". Or, if you're a man, use a dental dam on your woman......

 

O....M....G....

I would choose abstinence first!