Long Distance Relationship & the Herpes Talk

[Lisha80]

Hello!

 

I am new to this group but I just needed some advice on when to have the herpes talk. I am currently in a long distrance relationship. I was married to a man who cheated on me the whole 9 years we were married and I contracted herpes from him. I met my current boyfriend about 3 months ago and we decided to become exclusive a month ago. We have not had sex. He lives about 7 hours away and for the last 2 months, we've only seen each other 3 full weekends. I'm supposed to fly and visit him in about 3 weeks, but I really feel the need to disclose the fact that I have herpes. Should I do this over the phone, or should I wait until I visit? I think my greatest fear is being rejected, yet having to spend the rest of the weekend with him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[mr_hopp]

What is your feeling about it? It sounds by how you talk about him that you have a solid relationship even though it's only been 3 months. I generally suggest to people to have the herpes talk face-to-face so you have the intimacy that such vulnerability deserves, but this may call for something different. If you disclose to him that you have herpes at the beginning of this weekend together and he decides he can't take the chance of getting herpes, then how do you see the rest of the weekend going? And this is not to be negative about it (assuming that he's going to reject herpes), but it's important to plan for the worst, expect the best. If you have the worst case scenario planned for, then you can go into the disclosure with a clear mind and without shame.

[LionEagle]

Lisha80,

 

I hate to be the harbinger of bad news but, you’ve got to tell him before you go there. Hell, you should have swapped STD test results that were less than a week old by now. You do not want to find out that, not only is he “concerned” about your status, he walks the minute you let him know this little tidbit about you and the fact that you have waited so long to disclose it to him.

 

I would say be direct and just tell him the truth. He’s supposedly a big boy and wants you two to be "exclusive". Therefore, he should be able to handle the “Truth”. But, also demand as a minimum, that he also be truthful with you.

 

What is attracting him to you so much that he wants to be "exclusive" with you instead of someone closer to home?

 

LE

[lelani]

HI Lisa...yeah I agree with Lion Eagle, you have to tell him...I have done the long distance thing too and its not conducive to real intimacy, hence this situation. It's so difficult, there is never the right time to say anything because you want the short times you have together to be special..so many things don't get said, or emotions truly expressed. This is the test of if you have a true love and real intimacy.

 

I think face to face is best...but you have to be prepared to get straight back on a plane if he doesn't accept this and respond lovingly. I agree with th Hopp that you have to prepare for the worst and expect the best. There would be nothing worse that disclosing and it not going well...to have no plan to go home and be stuck there.

 

Sending you good thoughts and just know if he reject you because of H it will be a blessing in disguise (read Lion Hearts story). Big hug. x