Plz dont judge

[lossofwords]

I am so thankful an greatful that my husband is willin to stick by my side thro this, but I am so mad!? I am mad cause he doesnt have it!, dont get me wrong I am so happy he doesnt have it , but so hurt, ashamed, mad an jealous that he doesnt.? My husband says that he doesnt care an if he gets it, (if he gets it, he gets it), I am so happy he is stayin by my side but I sumtimes feel that if he dont care then y not get it. I kno that its wrong to feel that way, I jus want to make sur he wont ever leave me an prove he doesnt care. I have beeen puttin him thro HELL this past wk since we found out, I dont mean to an I dont want to lose him, hes my <3! Need ne sugg an places or/an ppl to talk to.?

[iamentj]

hello lossofwords!

 

i can't give you any suggestions on places or people (outside of this forum), but i can provide some kind words! i am so incredibly happy that you have a partner who wants to stay at your side despite what you are going through right now. but it seems that you are having a lot of self doubt that has little to do with your husband's love for you (because that seems very apparent) and more about the love you have for yourself at this particular moment.

 

sometimes when we are having a lot of doubt about ourselves and are struggling to love ourselves, we help make our worst fears happen. in this case, it's your husband leaving you. by doubting his love for you when he has tried to demonstrate his love by supporting and standing by you, you are also pushing him away. instead, try accepting his love for you and loving yourself more!

 

i totally understand how you feel. i've secretly hoped that when one of the men i was with (and who i have feelings for) gets tested that it turns out he actually has herpes because perhaps that will change the potential we have for something more. and i feel terrible about having those feelings, but those feelings are also natural. we feel more comfortable around similar people, whether it's ethnicity, culture, interests, or herpes.

 

in my personal opinion (and others may disagree with me) i don't think it's necessary to do everything you need to do to prevent your husband from getting herpes (for example, taking valtrex on a daily basis, etc). but i DO think it's necessary that you have a honest and frank discussion with your husband about what it is like to have herpes and come to a decision together about whether you will take preventative measures or not. if he's a partner for life and he's okay with having herpes (because frankly, you can take all the medication you want and use all the protection in the world and he could still get herpes), then you two can make that adult decision together.

 

good luck and keep your chin up! i know you're struggling now, but it WILL get easier! and remember to count your blessings. you have a husband who loves you and wants to stand by you through thick and thin, so let that love in and grow!

[WCSDancer2010]

LoW

 

First - no judgement here ... we are all working through our journeys in exactly the way we are meant to!

 

So - what I am "hearing" is a 3 yr old temper tantrum ... "it's not fair" ... "why me?" .... (and BTW, we ALL have moments in our lives when our inner 3 yr olds come out ;) ) Can you find it in you to reach in and have some compassion for that 3 yr old? To tell her that life usually isn't fair... and why should it have picked him over you? It's not like you went out to find it - it sounds like you got it from an unwitting carrier .... many people have sex every day with unwitting carriers - some just plain get unlucky and get H. That doesn't make you any dirtier or more slutty/shameful/unlovable than those who managed to avoid (so far) getting herpes..... your hubby can see that - so let him take you in his arms and believe it when he says he's there to stay - H and all...whether he gets it or not. Or look at it this way - how would YOU feel if the tables were turned and it was HIM who got it? Would that actually make you happier? ;)

 

@iamentj is right tho - you need to let him know what the options are to protect him and come to an agreement about what you want to do (or not) to protect him.

 

(((HUGS))) - This too shall pass my friend :)

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

Loss of words,

I totally understand how you about being happy and mad at the same time. My diagnosis is very recent, I had dated someone in the summer so I called him, explained what was going on so he could get tested. He did. He came back negative. I was happy for him but mad at the same time he was negative. To me, it just ddidn't seem fair. In my case, I know who gave it to me and if my job/gyn is right it was recent from my ex, after the guy I dated in the summer.

We are human and have human emotions. Learning to ask, cope/deal with H (at which I haven't and can't so far), will manfest a range of emotions that may make sense or make no sense. All part of the journey i guess. It seems to me for a have wonderful, loving husband who supports you, maybe that love and devotion to you can help you through this.

[lossofwords]

Thank u every1 I thought I was the only person who felt like this.. I dont want to feel like this an I kno its selfish of me, jus so mad an I kno I need to get over it.. My husband is in a wheelchair an deals w/that everyday (for the last 12 yrs), y cant I, I think its because I am a very sexually person an I want to go w/it. I was very sexually b4 an he knew it, I guess thats where I feel if hes ok w/me having H then we should jus b together sexually, selfish I kno. Thank u again every1!

[tjones]

If your husband is cool with it then go with it. BTW Can't he take something to prevent getting it anyway?

[lossofwords]

Thank u tjones..

[tjones]

all people are very sexual. some people hide it better than others.

 

In the south we say - men love their women to be ladies in the day time and sluts in the bedroom at night.

[Aimee (previously baffled1]

Lady in the street and a freak in the bed

[tjones]

updated version

thx

[lossofwords]

Aimee (previously baffled1) n tjones

Lady on the streets an a freak in the sheets, ty again tjones havent laughed in days...

[tjones]

LOL