Oral sex with genital HSV2

[CanadianGuy2012]

What does everyone think about receiving oral if you have GHSV2? With no OB and no prodrome. There are no documented cases of oral HSV2, only people who say they didn't have any other type of sex and tested positive on a blood test. Docs who specialize in this field for years laught at this and say they have never seen a postive OHSV2 culture. Many say it's a myth.

 

If we need to disclose maybe it would be just as well to get a tattoo on our neck or something........

[Scornedvillager]

One of the main reasons I went in to get the HSV test was because I had oral lesions for the first time in my life coupled with a small area on my genitals.

When I received the call stating the positive test result for HSV2 genitally, the nurse did tell me its quite possible that HSV2 is causing my oral outbreaks as well. I've noticed I only get oral outbreaks a week before I have a genital outbreak.

I've read on blogs the HSV2 can infect the eyes and cuticles. I've seen pictures of newborns, birthed vaginally during an outbreak, with lesions in the eyes and all over the body -- even on the bottom of their feet. One blog I came across was a girl talking about having HSV2 on her hand, which she transferred to her cheek because she fell asleep with her face on her hand.

In my opinion, HSV2 and possibly even HSV1 can be contracted to new nerve endings through sore-to-open-wound contact. If you touch a lesion and then rub your eye, you can transfer it. If you chew your cuticles and touch a sore, you can transfer it.

I think of herpes in general as a prolonged bout of Chicken Pox (it is a very similar virus, Chicken Pox is Herpes Zoster). If a group of nerve endings are infected, the virus will appear there.

 

...are you washing your hands yet? :) Personally, it freaks me out.

[CanadianGuy2012]

So you are getting genuine cold-sores that you have confirmed via swab test as HSV2? and have tested negative for HSV1? I find that extremely difficult to swallow.

 

Many blogs are written by people who are living with so much fear and regret about HSV that much of what they write is based on assumptions. Go check out posts from nurse Terri Warren on the Medhelp experts forum and you will see just how rare, if not fictional, some of these cases really are. Occular herpes is 99%+ type 1 and even that is extremely rare.

 

I'm not washing my hands any more than I usually have, my mind is grounded in facts, not fears. When the time is right a girl with GHSV2 is more than welcome to sit on my face any day of the week :)

[nmo27]

This http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html, which compares HSV1 to HSV2 in terms of transmission says the same thing, that cases of HSV2 are... pretty much undocumented.

 

Personally, I'm for disclosing. For me having someone come forward and say, "I have this and this is what you need to know" (in this case, the complete lack of any reported cases of oral infection with HSV2 & statistics on how low the risk is, stated succinctly and comprehensively)-- is a sign that I can trust them, and I'm not just saying that now that I've joined the ranks of the infected. I know there are plenty of people out there who don't think like this, and I still think they have a right to know what they could be exposing themselves to, even if it is an infinitesimal risk. For those people, and why not for everyone, I would add a sentence on the prevalence of oral HSV1 and people who do not know (or don't share) that they have GHSV, and the likelihood of contracting the disease that way.

 

 

[mr_hopp]

Yeah, I totally understand the double-edged sword here: on one hand, the chances of transferring genital HSV2 to the other person's mouth are minimal as far as the studies out there and general stories; on the other hand, if you have herpes, someone who you will be intimate with should know beforehand, and I always say disclosing is key. And the disclosure can include all of this information that it's such a small % chance of it being transferred (like nmo said). It still allows your partner to have the facts so that you can be on the same page. If there's even a 0.01% chance of them getting herpes, they should have that information available to them.

[CanadianGuy2012]

Oh well isn't that wonderful......that way we can make sure we all stay mired in the muck of self-pity for the rest of our lives. Sorry but IMO this makes abolutely no sense. Disclosing is the key to what? Everlasting happiness?

 

I suppose I also have a moral obligation to tell a girl who wants to sit on my face that I have GHSV2? Even though it's totally irrelevant? While we're at it maybe me shouldn't even make out with anyone because it's possible we scratched our balls earlier in the day, transferred Herpes to our fingers, then scratched our nose and are now shedding HSV2 on our face now and we're bound to give it to anyone we kiss. Better watch those tears too, I'm sure they are just full of the herpes virus, gonna have to start washing my hands every time I touch my face now.

 

Time to take a step back for a reality check........get real. Take the appropriate steps to control what you have and where you have it, and then get on with enjoying life. All this sadness, regret, and self-pity will just make you permanantly miserable :(

[CanadianGuy2012]

Then again, I suppose the entire "(h) Opportunity" is all about becoming a better person by rising above the temptation of lust and casual sex. Unfortunately those things are some of the few things that make life worth living. You only live once, so I'm making the best of it. I have GHSV2, I don't carry condoms because there no more casual G/G sex for me, I'm not going to give anyone HSV. Other kinds of sex are still on the table.

 

 

[nmo27]

1) I don't believe that committing to disclosure, even if your desired lifestyle requires you disclose often and to many different people, has to make you miserable. If anything, it looks to me like a really good opportunity to break down the stigma surrounding herpes and to educate people about it- so that increasingly, the people around you can assess the risk of being involved with you, and other herpes positive people realistically and look beyond it to how awesome you are.

 

2) I reject the idea that morality can be measured by the number of sexual partners a person has had or plans to have, by their choice to be monogamous or not or whether they chose to have sex outside of a long term, committed relationship, and therefore reject the idea that "rising about the temptation of lust and casual sex" inherently makes one a better person. Instead, I see informed consent and compassion for one's partners and their partners' partners (if any) as the foundation for an ethical and fulfilling sex life. For me, disclosure is key in upholding both these things.

 

3) I believe that responsible sluthood (if it's what makes you feel good, not just in the short term but in the long term, and I absolutely believe this is possible — this caveat is not for you so much as it is for others, sluthood is not for everyone) can actually help you heal faster and grow as a human being. By opening yourself up to more people, you can accelerate your growth. Yes, you'll be risking rejection, but how else are you going to find the people who accept you exactly as you are, herpes included? Those people are out there, I promise you. And imagine how much practice you will get with disclosing, you'll have it down to a science.

 

Disclosure doesn't have to be shameful, and it shouldn't be, but only you can stop yourself from feeling ashamed. Yes, there will most likely be people who will reject you, but do you really want to have, even casual sex with someone who has such an adverse (and most likely irrational) take on something you cannot change about yourself?

[mr_hopp]

Hey CG,

 

(First off: Let's keep this conversation on the respectful tip, shall we? Seems like you're angry at whoever else holds a different viewpoint from you on this. And it seems misdirected. I'm on your side, bro. I'm taking a stand for you being happy and feeling free. I love that you're bringing your viewpoint with such conviction ... I just hope you aren't stepping on others in the process and I hope you bring an open mind, too. As much as I welcome anger here on these boards, I would hope you would have more respect on how you're directing it.)

 

And I totally hear your frustration. I get it. I hear your anger. I went through that for years. And what I came to realize is that it was misdirected. I got herpes from my girlfriend cheating on me with her ex over Christmas holiday. Talk about being pissed off about feeling like I *should* disclose something that for all reasons I *shouldn't* have gotten in the first place ... So yes, with a certain viewpoint, feeling like you have to disclose can feel like a burden. It can feel unfair that we go through an extra layer before being intimate with someone. And it can also be seen as going a layer deeper with someone who you're going to be intimate with. Intimacy without vulnerability? Seems like a disconnect for me.

 

I have a question for you: What has you wanting to not disclose? Your question is "Why disclose?" and my question is "Why not?" I understand you say there's not a lot backing up that genital HSV2 can spread orally. Got it. But in my experience, oral sex isn't too far away from regular sex. And a good general practice for people who are going to be intimate in any way together is to at least discuss sexual history (if not your hopes, dreams and getting to know each other as human beings).

 

And it seems we're more on the same page than you're proposing ... we're both on the side of taking the regret, self-pity and being permanently miserable off the table when it comes to having herpes. Yes! Totally! You got my vote. Ding ding.

 

Where we seem to stray to different pages is where you think disclosing represents all of that horrible stuff; yes, I do see disclosing as an opportunity for deeper intimacy and trust. I don't see disclosing and happiness/self-acceptance as mutually exclusive. I see disclosing as being real, honest, high integrity, intimate, caring. I see it as an act of celebrating who you are that overshadows this thing called herpes. This is all stuff we will be discussing and experiencing to a great degree at the upcoming weekend seminar in October. I totally invite your viewpoint there so we can have a full discussion about this and explore it all. Totally welcome and encouraged. http://thehopp.com

[lelani]

Hey Canadian Guy...I'm with Hopp on this and he has worded it much nicer than I would. I get that you are angry, I also get you are going through a dilemma where you are keeping secrets about herpes from the women you love. But don't come on here and ask a question of everyone and then get aggressive if their answer doesn't back up your need to be dishonest about having herpes.

 

You can find any statistic in the world to back up anything you want to...but you can't find honesty and connection if you are keeping secrets from those you love or care about, secrets that affect their health and their lives. And if a girl has let loose enough to sit on your face, I doubt the fun stops there...and you don't see why you should disclose before she sits on your face?

 

Regret, self pity and permanent misery doesn't come from herpes, it's living with dishonesty and not having the courage to be truthful that will cause that. Maybe it's time for you to get honest CG...?