Need some help processing.

[rah09]

Hi all. I've been reading around this board for the past few days and have found the posts very encouraging.

 

I went to the doctor yesterday and am still waiting on the swab results, but she felt confident it was the h. For the most part, I know this won't be something that defines me as a person and see it as a minor skin problem. HOWEVER, I'm still experiencing horrible moments of anxiety and self-doubt. Truly, I have to say that I am completely terrified.

 

Fortunately my symptoms are mild, only minor itching and pain only occurred during the swab. I had been experiencing a terrible cold, and I understand this can stimulate this little friend into action. I think I am reaching out to this community for encouragement as I wait for this initial diagnosis.

[WCSDancer2010]

rah09

 

First - Welcome! So glad you found us! Having people to support you in the beginning can make a world of difference to how fast you accept having our little H friend join us .

 

The first defense is to get informed. Adrial has some great handouts and an ebook here:

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Start with them... read all you can here and ask any questions you may have. As someone who has had this over 35 years, I can tell you that it really is just a PITA nuisance skin condition with a really bad stigma attached to it, mostly by ourselves ... because it ends up pulling our deepest fears of social and intimate rejection right to the top. Socially - well, I just came completely out about 2 months ago (yeah - posted on FB and started an STD support group there) and have only had positive responses (except by the guy I was dating who wanted to be friends after I disclosed..now he won't talk to me at all...oh well, no biggie. Just shows who he REALLY is!). In intimate relationships, well, it can cause some to walk away...but for me, they are the people who are not grounded enough for me to want them in my life anyway, so my H friend acts as my Wing-man ;)

 

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[rah09]

Thank you so much for responding, I've checked out the materials during my creeping of this forum haha. They've helped so much. I think that's part of why I can grasp that this is not as big of a deal as I mentally am making it. But oh boy does it pull those rejection and intimacy fears right up!

 

I just can't seem to get a grasp on the massive fear that is occasionally popping up, I keep trying to tell myself it will be ok when those fears arise, and that more people than you think have this visitor as well.

[victoriaxxx]

Thank you for posting. (: I am new here also,

I didn't have an outbreak at all until I had the flu this year..

Oh man I was very very sick. It made me have the initial outbreak.

I didn't go get it checked until I was done being sick of course.

 

Yes we go through those moments of self doubt and anxiety. My anxiety was out the roof!

I think instead of really being upset about the fact that it came back positive, I was more relieved. I was relieved simply because of the fact that I now knew what was going on with my body.

I was so scared that my boyfriend was going to reject me, but as soon as I found out I told him.. Maybe I should have thought about how I was going to go about talking to him about this, but I didn't. I just blurted out "I HAVE HERPES, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME."

Now in the future I am probably not going to go about it that way, but he kind of chuckled at me. " I won't leave you baby."

 

It is a very very scary thing. Just like with anything you need to overcome this fear. (:

 

[OnTheBrightSide]

@rah09

 

Welcome and warm wishes! WCSDancer2010 is spot on, ignorance breeds intolerance, information is liberation! (I didn't mean for that to rhyme but it did and now I'm quite pleased with myself)

 

I know this sounds kind of nutty, but when I get those creeping, obsessive negative thoughts I find 3 things help:

 

1. Realize that those thoughts are not you. They sound a lot like you but that's only because you wondered those things once, consciously, and now, it's like a broken door that swings open with the occasional breeze, triggered by stress, depression, etc (or sometimes you're just hungry :) and you didn't actively open the door but the wind that comes through can chill you to the bone.

 

2. Size up the negative thoughts. They feel pretty big and you're simultaneously feeling the thousands of punishing scenarios for which you feel every associated emotion. Pull the thoughts out of the limitless space of your mind and into the real world. For me this works by counting. I take a piece of paper put a check mark under the headline No One Will Ever Want to Sleep with Me Again. Other popular headlines include: I Will Be Alone Forever, How Could I Have Been So Irresponsible, My Life is Just Generally Over, etc.

 

Just the act of counting alone makes you aware of how often your mind is wandering to that neg place, pulls the thought out, and reminds you that it's just a thought. An occurrence to be noted rather than a truth to be absorbed.

 

One of my favorite pod-castors describes this neg cycle as something like "having felt a thousand tragedies, but lived through none."

 

3. Keep the door closed by making peace with the wind. The bad thought will probably always be there, the door is broken, but you can work on how often the wind blows it open. This one is tougher. What works for me is a little mantra where I try to make friends with the malevolence in my brain. I tell the wind:

 

I love you, I forgive you, you will always be a part of me, but it's time for us to work together.

 

I say it out loud so that I know it hears me and so I feel myself taking back control. I say it over and over again sometimes, until I feel it. And then I say it again. Find the mantra that works for you!

 

It feels a little silly at first but I figure, if it's talking to me...I may as well talk back. :)

 

Sending you (h)ugs and (h)ealing thoughts.

 

p.s. Naming it can also really help. HerryTheHerp has a great post on it!

[SouthernBelle96]

Hi rah09! I agree with everything that has already been posted. It is all a process with accepting it and knowing that you are the same wonderful person you have always been. I personally have been battling with this issue, but I am slowly learning that this is only a minor issue that could be something much worse. Try not focusing on what society has to say and focus on all the great people like us who have herpes, but they are married with children and are surrounded by love. Herpes really is just a relationship filter that will help us make smarter decisions when it comes to dating and being intimate and that is a good thing! This site is a great way to open up about how you feel and meet awesome people that can relate and give wonderful advice!

 

With love,

SouthernBelle96