Good Moooorning Herpieevillllle!

[HerryTheHerp]

That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's hump day here in Herpieville. If the bumps have you down it's time to pick your panties up out of the bucket of aloe you're drowning your blisters in. You know hump day, I know hump day, we all love hump day! Hump day is how we all joined the Herpster Club to begin with. Or, was that Humping Day? Oh, too much wine and we can't remember! Oh God, Oh God...Oh my gaaaawd where'd that come from!

 

If the blisters and prodomes have you feeling as if you're never going to score again, just remember you could either have herpes or Dennis Rodman's travel agent. If you end up with either, you've been screwed but at least herpes doesn't come with a li'l dicktator forcing you to play with his balls. Been there, done that, and you've got the blisters and some Valtrex to prove it.

 

As you head out into the world today remember that many great men and women throughout history have also had STD's. John Keats' lesser known ode to syphilis originally began as "When I have fears that I may cease to pee," and Scott Joplin was known as quite the entertainer years before he finally wrote "The Entertainer."

 

Here's a little riddle for you: What's the difference between a Herpster and Robin Williams? Nothing, they both have herpes! That's right folks, Mrs. Doubtfire is hiding quite a few hairy little secrets under that dress of hers.

 

And, for you guys out there that are feeling extra feminine these days because you have a virus inside you that's named after her, just remember, you had to get inside of her before it could get inside of you.

 

Herpes! The only gift given to 540 million people that's less popular than an Amway Membership.

 

Hungry and on a budget? No problem! Simply head on down to your local all-you-can-eat buffet and announce at the top your lungs that you have herpes! You'll clear the place out faster than a condom salesman at a porn shoot.

 

"Yeow!"

 

Oh, look everyone. The ghost of James Brown has stopped by. Mr. Brown, what do you think of herpes?

 

"Yeooow, don't feel good!"

 

On a bad date that just isn't getting the motor running? The good news is you don't have to phone a friend, come down with a headache, or develop an emergency case of dandruff that you need to rush home and take care of. Simply announce you have herpes and voila! dorko vanisho!

 

Speaking of magic, let's ask our little wizard friends what they know about herpes.

 

Ron, we hear there was an outbreak of herpes at Hogwarts.

 

"Yes, that's correct."

 

Any idea how that happened?

 

"Drako was asking everyone if they wanted to play with his magic wand to discover the secret that we shall not speak of."

 

Ron, did Drako give you have herpes.

 

"No, don't be daft."

 

There you have it folks, the snake from slitherin' was hufflepuffing his way through campus this year. And, if you're feeling down, remember you could be Ronald Weasley. That's right, you could have herpes, no soul, and still get married to the hottest chick in school.

 

"Yeow!"

 

James Brown everyone.

 

So, as you head out into the world today, keep your head up high, keep your wit sharp, and let your spirit soar. Remember, you are the Warrior!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Herry my friend - you are NUTS... and I love you for it.... LOL

[HerryTheHerp]

I really needed to interject a dose of Good Morning Vietnam and the 80's into my day. Somehow, a little Adrian Cronauer seemed appropriate. Glad you laughed. Stay tuned for Forrest...

[scaredypanties]

The world needs more people like you!

[WCSDancer2010]

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

 

Starting your Forrest blog off for you :)

 

[JJsPurplePants]

That's right, you could have herpes, no soul, and still get married to the hottest chick in school.

 

LOL

[victoriaxxx]

I wanna marry the hottest chick in school.

[WCSDancer2010]

REALLY Victoria??? Does your BF know that...LOL :))

[victoriaxxx]

He knows that there is this Cosplay chick that I really really really want to take out on a date. ;D

[WCSDancer2010]

;)

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

This was definitely an interesting read. Made me laugh which I needed. Thanks @herry