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Getting ready to disclose herpes (What to do)? PLEASE HELP!

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Hey Everyone:


Sorry I've been away for a while, school started back up for me and I'm doing extremely well as far as academics go, but I've recently started seeing this girl I've had a huge crush on and we've been really hitting it off. Just to be clear we haven't even kissed yet, but I feel as though I could really have a serious relationship with her and I don't want to waste her time because she's so beautiful (brunette, green eyes, latin accent OMG!!!) but in all seriousness I really respect her because she's mature and intelligent. I don't want to sound arrogant but I'm not sure she's as smart as I am and will understand the complexities of the virus (HSV-2 or 1 it's on my genitals and there's no 100% sure way to tell which one). Either way, she's so sweet and innocent and I feel like a freak having this ugly, disgusting disease. I want to do what's right, just be honest and up front with her but I'm freaking out about it, just recently getting over an outbreak. PLEASE HELP!

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Hey bro! Welcome back! We've missed you! 😉


First things first, so glad to hear that you have an opportunity to disclose! Must be one special woman. 🙂


Second things second, please STOP calling herpes an ugly, disgusting disease! The more you call it that, the more you'll believe that to be true. I have the same thing you have and I'll tell you in a heartbeat that what I have isn't an ugly, disgusting disease. It's a simple skin condition that I occasionally deal with. The power of the words we use shapes our experience of our life. That's huge to get. Here's an article on the power of words:

It's up to you how you choose to experience herpes, bro. Your relationship to yourself and to what herpes means to you is crucial. And to a very large degree, when you disclose to her, she will experience it how you present it. Have you read my "positive guide to herpes disclosure" e-book yet? If not, jump on it: http://eepurl.com/b4IPP ... Reading those 12 pages is a great start to shift your negative association with this virus so you can have a conversation without all that shame and negativity talk!

And it's great that you have such an exciting outlook on the relationship! Focus on that potential excitement instead of the "ugly disgusting" thing you're making up and you'll do great. And coming to the herpes opportunity seminar in NC at the end of October is a must. All of this and more will be covered throughout the weekend. The weekend will be more about you than about herpes. You'll walk away from the weekend with a different, healthy perspective. That's my pitch. It'll be magically awesome. 🙂

And if you'd like me to coach you through it, feel free to grab a time on my calendar here so we can hop on the phone together:

Good luck, CG! Again, good to see you back! I hope going back to school is going well for you, bro!


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Thanks dude!


I wish I could go to the seminar in NC but I cant take the time off from school and work I wish you the best of luck but I already know it will go off without a hitch. I just hope you will do another one maybe in FL.


I hope I didn't come across as arrogant in my previous post, it's just that understanding the intricacies of the virus is pretty complex especially with all of the misinformation out there.


Anyway I'm just going to take things slow with her and hope she understands, like in lonelygirl8675's story which is awesome by the way.



Thanks again for providing us with this forum, it really helps on those bad days.

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What horrible words to say about yourself. This is nothing, think of cancer as a disease which is very much worse than a little pimple like herpes on the skin, hello, making a mountain from a molehill is probably causing anxiety and so many other mental anquish. We need to love ourselves first before we can love someone else. If you walk around saying to yourself that you have a disease then this is not loving yourself. You need to say, "Hi, sweetheart, I love you but I love me and it is important for me to tell you because I care about you that this is who I am. I live with a mini skin virus that may break out once in a while and because I care about you, I want to make sure that you don't get this skin virus which comes from the herpes family. Like a cold sore on your mouth, no worse than that. So here I am!"

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Wow you guys that's such an amazing way to present H! Adrial, I love "a simple skin condition that I occasionally deal with", that's so clear and so true.....and hforumap, yours leaves me breathless! I think I'm going to learn it off by heart, so it's always there. I know I communicated shame in my last disclosure, and it cost me dearly. I had just started a relationship when diagnosed 18 years ago, and it lasted many years; I hadn't realised this recent disclosure was only my second one. So glad I found this site, full of courageous honourable people. Thankyou again xx

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