Hoping for Forgiveness Please Help

[hjohn7070]

I recently started seeing someone and we hit it off quickly. I had HSV 1 orally and never had an issue before in past relationships and only had two outbreaks my entire life. After the third time fooling around together in the span of 3 weeks he confronted me about a rash he had on his thighs that he thinks is an STD. He said it started the first time we hooked up and got worse each time. He said he went to the doctor and got it checked and both he and the doctor thought it was mites or scabies and he immediately went on medication and said it was helping a bit, but I looked that up and it didn't seem like i could have contracted that. I haven't had sex in almost half a year since my last actual relationship. Anyway about 3 days later I woke up with a sore in my mouth and I told him immediately after researching that it could have been transmitted orally. He told me his doctor had looked at it when he first went and said he did not think it was herpes. But we both agreed it makes a lot of sense even though I was not visibly having an outbreak. He has been kinder than I ever could have hoped for about it and told me not to feel bad and that it's bad luck and that it isn't my fault. I truly did not know that this was a possibility or that it could affect the people around me like this. I blame myself for being uneducated my doctor just treated it like it was not something to fret over when I was diagnosed. I have apologized many times but can't apologize enough. I haven't been able to get myself to stop thinking about it. I have been crying non-stop thinking i could be responsible for that. On top of all of this, I really like him. I don't know him all that well but he is the first guy that seemed worth my time and treated me well since my ex. He keeps assuring me that its not my fault and its bad timing. But then he finally said he just didn't think it could work out. He said he thought it would be uncomfortable and weird to go on like it didn't happen but that he was pissed it happened because he really liked hanging out and what we had and that he would let me know how the appointment goes. Obviously I understand and I assured him I understood and that I just wanted to make sure he was okay and that if he needed anything or someone to talk to about it that I would be there. His appointment is in a few days and I am praying he will be okay. More than anything I want that. But I also really like him and I know its selfish but I hope maybe he will be able to see me again when he finds his footing. Do you think he will ever be able to? I just don't know what to do with myself I am backing off but I just want to make him okay.

[bookworm21]

Take a deep breath. You need to forgive yourself first. You didn't know that it could be spread orally, and also didn't know that you were having an outbreak. Now that you know, you can make better decisions in the future and also tell other people! Ever since I accepted it I've been educating people as often as I can.

 

He may be able to forgive you, but he really needs to work on accepting this himself. It's going to rough at times. He needs a friend that he can trust right now, and it seems like that's what you can be. So try to be his shoulder to lean on right now.

 

In the mean time we are all here to talk to and support you!

 

[WCSDancer2010]

hjohn7070

 

First, welcome... glad you made your way here for support...

 

Sadly the pair of you are victims of the ignorance and misinformation surrounding Herpes.... doctors don't seem to think to tell people that they need to be very careful if they have any of the Herpes strains. Doctors wont test anyone unless they specifically ask for it.

 

You are blaming yourself but blame assumes intent, and that is not what happened here. You were with the 80% who don't understand how the virus works. It's a sad situation that some of us on here are working to change.

 

As far as his reaction, give him space. He's also dealing with his confusion and acceptance. Why don't you send him here to get his questions answered? I expect he has a lot he doesn't understand and this is a wonderful place for people to come to to learn to accept their H+ status.

 

And print the disclosure handout for him. Getting the FACTS will be very important for him right now and if he is going on the yahoo sites or looking at Google images, then he's probably getting freaked out.

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Good luck - and BREATHE my friend. It will all work out as it is meant to in the end.

 

(((HUGS)))

[victoriaxxx]

Welcome to the forum !

 

First off, you didn't know that you could pass it on like this. You were uneducated about it. There are many doctors out there that don't tell people the information that they need to know. That this can be transmitted orally and genitally. It is not yourself. You need to understand in yourself and your own mind that this is not your fault. I know it is hard, and it is normal to feel this way. It is definitely the stigma talking and its all in your head.

 

As for him, give him some space, but let him know that you are here if he needs you. He has to accept this on his own and come to terms with this on his own. He might be upset but hopefully he can feel better in time. Time heals all wounds. (: