So what now?

[Mel_b]

Ok, I have herpes 2 found out dec 2013 from the way things happened it sounds like me and my boyfriend had a breakout at the same time so who brought the bumps along we couldn't tell. I'm dealing with emotional stages and trying to cope with it the fact that I have it but I haven't delt with the fact that he has it too. I can't believe I was this selfish. Now I'm thinking damn he has it too but after I told him what the dr said and we decided that we were going to be together we haven't talked about it till this morning when he told me he has a breakout. I feel guilty, sad, low, and helpless. I don't think we are both ready to talk about it and we are still dealing and trying to realize with that fact that we have it. I guess my question is how do two people talk about having herpes? Because I haven't talked to anyone about what's going on in my head besides what I write here and the only people that know ate the drs him and you guys that I have this. I feel awkward just thinking to tell someone about this do I know it must be awkward gir him too but how can we cope with this together?

[WCSDancer2010]

I can't believe I was this selfish.

 

Wait?? What? As I recall, you don't know who gave it to who. So why are you feeling selfish???

 

If you guys are not talking, I would suggest you get some counseling/therapy. Adrial is a GREAT Life Coach and I bet he could help you out a LOT. Having someone help to guide you through the initial stages of communication may be what you need to jump start the conversation.

 

Odds are you are both dealing with a lot of emotions and right now neither of you are equipped to completely understand the other until you understand your own issues. So send Adrial a PM and get that conversation started!

[Mel_b]

When I mean selfish is I was just thinking about my self and feeling sorry for my self bit even thinking what he could be going thru.

[victoriaxxx]

Dancer is right. Counseling would probably be the best way to learn how to cope with this. To cope with how to talk about this.

 

You have to understand that its not all easy. We all go through those feelings. We all think about ourselves at points.. But you realize this and you care about how he feels. That is a really good sign.

[zyphen]

Mel_b. Chances are he is nervous about it too. What I did when my ex and I found out, we just talked about it, sharred our history and choosed not to play the blame game as there is no for sure way of knowing unless the other person lied.. thats beside the point. Once we talked about it, we were able to get past it. You both found a reason to like eachother before this happened. . So focus on that aspect of it.. I havnt told any of my close friends as I feel they just dont need to know right now. I have however talked to a good female friend from school about it, and she has been tremendously supportive, like a second mom. For now, you have us to talk about it with. Tell people when your ready, no need to rush that.

[WCSDancer2010]

ok - well, like I said, I'd contact Adrial ... he can help you get the conversation going and help you both with the emotions you are dealing with :)

[iamstronger]

One thing I don't like about our society is the typically-negative opinion on being selfish.

 

@Mel_b -- I don't believe you're being "selfish" (as our society sees it) at all; rather, I think you're trying to come to grips you've got this new thing called herpes going on, and it's a LOT to process for anyone - let alone two people trying to cope with it and come to grips with it at the same time.

 

Zyphen is right - talking helps. Trust me. I was diagnosed on January 22nd, and since then I've talked about it with almost all of my core support-people - the people in my life who are there for me NO MATTER WHAT. And only one person I've disclosed to reacted in a not-so-favorable way, so far.

 

If you get nothing else out of this, remember these two things:

 

One -- Herpes-2 is NOT fatal to adults; rather, it's a very manageable skin condition, like cold sores (most often caused by Herpes-1).

 

Two -- You're going through a LOT right now. I'm right there with you. And so are a LOT of other people here. And a LOT more have been through what we're going through. So cut yourself a break, or at least try to. :) Do something you and your boyfriend like to do together.