Thank you Adrial

[kaybee]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been quiet on the forums lately but I have been reading nearly every night for about a year now. Last February I was diagnosed with hsv2 under pretty horrific circumstances. I have honestly never felt so alone or scared in my life. My first outbreak was so bad that I could barely walk due to the intense back pain and threw up all over myself while driving to the hospital. Puke covered and hysterically crying I was essentially told it looks like herpes and handed Valtrax for the road. Looking back on that time I had reason to hurt, but the fact that I as an otherwise healthy, privileged college student with loving friends and family felt suicidal over a skin condition is ludacris. I let societies disgusting stereotypes define my self worth, i was unloveable, dirty, and destined to be alone. I was embarrassed and angry, I thought i was too young, too careful, too "normal" to "deserve this".

 

Finding this site in April changed, I can even say saved, my life. I can not thank Adrial enough for creating this community, the blog posts and pod casts and especially for the beyond helpful disclosure guide. Adrial told me "YOU get to be in control of how this changes you or not". His words gave me the strength to learn to separate the virus from my feelings. I learned that it's a mostly harmless skin condition, not the plague. I can proudly say that, though it was a process, I am completely okay with my status. It's a part of me, nothing to be ashamed of. I have disclosed to my family, the hardest part being my younger sister who I know idolizes me. I explained the truth to her about herpes, all of the typical disclosure info, and explained that it can happen to anyone condom or not. I told her that she should do everything she can to protect herself, but sex is always risk. An often beautiful fun risk that I was in no means telling her to be afraid of. Most importantly I explained that she can always come to me if she needs guidance about anything and that if she does contract herpes or anything else she is still the same beautiful strong person. The way she looked at me with such pride gave me the courage to disclose to friends from childhood and even college friends, always explaining the risk and facts. Each person has told me that they never knew anything beyond that the Virus is for life and they assumed a condom protected them. I've even made one of my best friends from herpes. An acquaintance was hysterical waiting for her std test results after unprotected sex. In an effort to calm her and explain that it wasn't a big deal, I found myself disclosing my status. She was shocked, she essentially knew nothing about herpes and has told me that she now knows the Importance of protecting herself and is no longer afraid. She has been a rock for me and has since told me that I'm the bravest, most positive person she knows and that while she's not religious, she truley believes god saves his hardest battles for his toughest soldiers. Nothing has ever meant more to me. I hope that I can make a difference in a few peoples lives, weather that's in the form of protecting themselves or being understanding to others with stds through informing others of the facts with and without disclosing directly.

 

Again, I just wanted to say thank you Adrial. You are honestly an angel, I know you have touched the lives of many vulnerable heartbroken people with your kindness. I have no idea where I would be without this site and your advice. It's been amazing watching this forum grow this past year and I hope one day I can inspire others the way you and many more active posters have.

 

*heart* lots of love

 

 

[butterfly2012]

I second everything you just said. This site and the marvelous people here have helped me tremendously in my healing process. I could not be more thankful for all the stories and comments. I, like you was devastated when I found out, and reading through the posts made a huge difference in my perceptions of what having herpes really meant. Thank you Adrial for this incredible idea and everyone else for your support

Hugs!!

[WCSDancer2010]

@kaybee -

 

This is beautiful...

 

I'm especially touched with how this site has helped you to come out to friends and family so you can educate them.... especially this part:

 

I told her that she should do everything she can to protect herself, but sex is always risk. An often beautiful fun risk that I was in no means telling her to be afraid of.

 

This is the thing. Everything in life has risk associated to it. Just because you are in a car accident doesn't mean you are a bad driver. Similarly, just because you get an STD doesn't mean you are a dirty slut. That is soooo important for people to understand!!!!

 

So glad to have you out there helping us to educate people..... this is a beautiful story and I hope everyone on here reads this.... attitude is 99% of life and happiness and you have developed a beautiful attitude to the virus. It's a message I hope we can get across to more people. So thank you for telling your story :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[CanadianGal]

I completely agree! I am so glad I found this site. I haven't known for too long that I have this virus so it's all still new to me and I'm slowly dealing with it. Reading stories and communicating with people on here helps a lot. Everyone is so right on here when they say it's society that makes herpes ten times worse than it actually is. Even I was ignorant and clueless before I got this. It never crossed my mind. I just thought of it as a STI that I never want to get 'cause I'd be stuck with it forever. But my outbreak actually wasn't bad at all. I get cold sores, and they actually last longer and are worse than my initial (and so far only) outbreak down there. I still haven't told my family and can't even begin to think about dating but I just take it one day at a time! Thanks for sharing your story, Kaybee :)

[mr_hopp]

I'm touched. Inspired. You so get it. And I love that you get it. :)

 

Thank you for sharing that with us. I'm so proud of you for moving through your own blocks and self-limiting stories so you can show up all bright and shiny in the world. Look at all the people you have already touched! It's a beautiful cycle that naturally happens. The more each of us can accept ourselves (an ongoing practice, for sure), the more we can accept others. Yours is a beautiful example of how each of us can create a ripple effect of okayness and acceptance in this world. Herpes is just a reason to practice a deeper level of acceptance than we otherwise would. In that way, we spread all those awesome feelings of okayness instead of shame, ignorance and a dumb lil skin condition. ;) This is so inspiring! Yes, yes, yes!

 

P.S. I love the idea of building an army of soldiers. Soldiers of the heart, for sure. That's what we're doing.